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Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
SBmini
member
Armenian/American wedding details
I'm marrying an Armenian next year- he'll be the first person in his family to marry outside of his culture. We want to be incredibly inclusive as most of his family have only been to Armenian weddings and none of my family has been to an Armenian wedding. We have a lot of time to tweak,but here's the current game plan. I wanted to know how it sounds:
Day of tradition: In Armenian culture, the day of events start in the morning. The entire groom's family comes to the bride's family home with a band and gifts. The bride's family is all at their house with food and what not. There's a lot of dancing and celebrating. From here everyone goes to the church. We won't be doing this for our wedding. It's too logistically challenging as my family lives 70 miles away from my fiance's family.
Ceremony: this will be very American. Armenian ceremonies are typically in churches and in Armenian. Only close family goes and they can go for hours. Instead, we'll be doing an informal outdoor ceremony where everyone is invited. We will need to communicate that everyone is invited to his guests.
Cocktail hour: we will have this, it is not something commonly seen in Armenian weddings as they tend to have a long break between the ceremony and reception and far more people go to the reception than the ceremony. To tie in culture, we will likely be hiring a traditional Armenian band to play music. They will stay for probably two hours.
Introduction of the wedding party: In Armenian tradition the wedding party doesn't just come in and sit down, they start the dancing! We really want to do this with the traditional Armenian music, but one area of concern is that only one bridesmaid and groomsmen will be Armenian. So it may be uncomfortable for the others in the wedding party. We'll need to discuss it with them to see if they are open to the idea.
At this point, the receptions are very similar. We want to hire a caterer who can do a hybrid menu with Armenian and typical America fare and a DJ who will play maybe 30% Armenian music. My fiance's family will be making these cool fabric pieces with rings on them that you put on your fingers for when you dance. I think my family will have fun with those. Now, where it will be very American is that it will have a bit of a travel theme. When I shared this with my fiance he looked really confused because he's never been to a wedding with a theme before.
I am a little concerned that my family will be weary of dancing with all the Armenian dancing going on. I was thinking about having something on the chairs that will explain that this is the marrying of two cultures and that we want everyone to have fun and try something new.
What do you all think?
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Re: Armenian/American wedding details
Hello Harsik jan (Dear bride)
I'm an Armenian and I married a non-Armenian. We also had a hybrid Armenian/Canadian wedding. Have you ever been to an Armenian wedding? Its the best way to get an idea of how a wedding will be (the ceremony and reception).
There are 3 important elements that will result in a great Armenian wedding.
1. Food
2. Alcohol
3. Music
Some quick background. We had a wedding in Los Angeles where most of my family is. His family flew in from Canada, all over the US and New Zealand. We had a week of interactive festivities that are usually a part of the Armenian pre-wedding traditions. Like having a khnamakanch (The bride's family goes to the groom's house for dinner. This is a way for the two families official meet and bless the union. The bride's family bring gifts to the groom. Its soft of like the rehearsal dinner except there is no rehearsal before and there is a lot more dancing. )
One quick question: Where is your fiance from? There are many Armenian wedding traditions that are region specific. I'm a hayastanci. (From Armenia)
Where will you be having your wedding?
Ceremony: We had the ceremony at an Armenian church but the service was half in Armenian and half in English. We walked into the church together (per Armenian traditions). The giving away of the bride is done in the home during the day ceremonies. The god-mother brings out the bride from her room and presents her to the families of the groom. The god-mother and god-father of the wedding (a married couple, usually friends of the groom or groom's family) play an important role during the day festivities. Will you be having one?
Most people do not attend the church ceremony not because its a family only affair but more out of preference and time. The ceremony is not as important as the celebration afterwards. When referring to the wedding its mostly about the reception. So don't be offended if people don't attend even after you explicitly invite them.
Reception: Don't worry about the party starters of the bridesmaids dancing. You will have plenty of the groom's family that will equally stand up and dance. We love to dance and we look for any reason to get up and celebrate. I would play more percentage of Armenian music than just 30%. We also like to dance to a multitude of different ethnic music. Look into having some arabic, greek, georgian, russian. A good DJ specializing in Armenian hybrid weddings can accommodate and give a good balance.
For the food I would suggest getting an Armenian Banquet Hall because the cost of the food and location and linen is all included. Its way more cost effective. However if you will be having it at another location I would suggest getting one of those halls to cater for you. Food is extremely important for us. Especially the abundance and variety of it. I would suggest family style (at the table) instead of just a buffet line or plated dinner. It helps in getting people acquainted with each other that may be strangers. Do not have a specific amount of time for dinner but have it be ongoing. With family style people can eat at their own pace. We Armenians are used to eating a little bit, getting up and dancing, then going back to eat some more, then dancing some more and so on for the rest of the night. Also we usually have bottles of alcohol on the tables instead of an open bar or paid bar. We have one wine bottle, one bottle of vodka and one bottle of brandy for each table. Lots of places will allow you to bring in your alcohol. Budget two bottles of each for each table that you have (10 person table). The place will serve one bottle at a time so they will replenish any empty bottles (opening a new one). Don't cut the cake until the very end of the night (usually after midnight). We do not throw the flowers or cut the cake until the very end. Its sort of like a signal that the celebration is over and that its time to eat the cake, drink the coffee and go home. Oh and there is no set end time. People will stay and celebrate late into the night. (if its on a Friday or Saturday) Its a genuine celebration not only of joining of two people but the joining of two families.
Let me know if you need any advice or want to know some customs to incorporate. You will have an amazing time. Your family will enjoy it all and it will most likely be the best wedding that they will ever attend. You will have a big fat Armenian/American wedding!