Wedding Etiquette Forum

I need advice

I've asked on of my closest friends to be my MOH, lately she's been hitting on the soon to be groom (asking him to go away for a weekend with her, without me, asking him to come help her with things around the house ect. and on about 6-7 different occassions). She has not bought anything for the wedding yet as it's still about a year away. Can I uninvite her to be part of the bridal party, or demote her to a bridesmaid? I mean she even got drunk and tried to kiss him infront of me!  (he ignores her, blocked her calls and made it clear he wants nothing to do with her. What should I do?
«1

Re: I need advice

  • 1. You shouldn't have asked your bridal party so early.  But that ship has sailed.

    2. If a member of the bridal party is flirting with your FI, I think that is definitely grounds for a serious conversation with her about reevaluating your friendship with her.  Removing someone from a bridal party will end the friendship... but then again, she is also making a friendship ending move by flirting with your FI.
  • Had she done any of this before you asked her to be MOH? If so, why are you even still friends with her?


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I agree with PPs.  For me, this is 100% friendship-ending.
  • No, this just started recently. and we were planning the wedding or this summer which is why we jumped on things so early but because of a few unfore seen circumstances we had to post pone it a year. and i have told her that i don't appreciate her asking him to do things, and even invited her out with some of his friends so that se would be able to meet someone else. but it doesnt seem to be helping.
  • I have said something to her before about how it makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't like that she wants to spend time alone with him, and that she should at least let me know she needs his help. But it still hasnt stopped.

  • I would have a talk about this behavior with your friend, without bringing the wedding into it.  Tell her that you are uncomfortable with her jokes about going away together, and especially about her trying to kiss him.  If she blows you off and is insensitive to your feelings about it, I would just stop talking to her (end the friendship), and being removed from your wedding will be a side effect.

    If she is apologetic and stops behaving this way, do you still want to continue your friendship with her?  If so, you should give her a chance to do that. Kicking someone out of your bridal party will usually end the friendship due to hurt feelings on both sides.  And demoting her to bridesmaid wouldn't accomplish anything (there is no big difference between MOH and a BM, so I can't see what demoting her would help).

    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickersFollow Me on Pinterest
  • OP, if you've had a conversation with her about it before and she has continued, I say go ahead and end the friendship.  She is not respecting you or your fiance.
  • If she is your closest friend she should not be doing this. I would tell her she's out and call it a day. Consider her no longer your friend. I would never put up with a friend, let alone my MOH hitting on FI. 

    That's only if you want to end the friendship. If you want to remain friends, then I guess talk to her about it. Explain why it's not okay, and try and work it out? 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yup - if you've talked to her, nothing has changed and she's still making sexual and romantic passes at your fiance IN FRONT OF YOU, this will not change. Hard as it may be, I would end the friendship (and obviously the MOH part). Lucky for you, the wedding is pretty far off and she hasn't bought anything so there's no financial complication to make things messy. Right now, it's just asking her to step down which will likely end your friendship, but that was probably inevitable anyway.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    OP, you have indicated you have talked to her about this. Can you tell us what her response to you way? What reason did she give for her behavior?

    Don't get me wrong there is no excuse for this behavior whatsoever but I am interested to hear what she had to say for herself.

    And I agree, take wedding out of the whole equation. I would not continue a friendship with somebody who was throwing herself at my fiance.

  • Oh, honey! I've been there! 

    Ultimately, a "friend" who keeps coming onto your fiance is NOT your friend. She's not even a frenemy. She's a wolf in sheep's clothing; she's someone who truly believes the mantra of "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." 

    Kick her to the curb. 

    Also, have you talked with your FI about this? 
  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    This woman doesn't sound like much of a friend.
    *** Fairy Tales Do Come True *** Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ditto Stage. If your FI is worth marrying, he's worth standing up to someone for.

    Tell her "Either this stops NOW, or the friendship does. Your choice."

    Then stand by it. The very next transgression,systematically cut her out of your life.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • She just blows it off, and basically said its not a big deal and she'll do what she want. her eact response was "It's not a big deal, god youre being over the top on this. If i want to be friends with him i will"

  • Me and the FI have talked about it and he gets annoyed with it and avoids her at all costs because he thinks she's rude and hes even told her "i don't like you at all not even as a person, leave me alone"

     

  • I agree with PP that you need to end the friendship if she doesn't think it's a big deal.  If she continues even after that, I think your fiance needs to tell her to knock it off and that he doesn't like her.
  • hordolhordol member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    This is definitely a friendship ending deal, in my opinion. I would have asked her to step out awhile ago and cut off all communication at that time, too. Her hitting on your FI is immature and disrespectful. My FI is more important to me than any of my friendships, so I would never tolerate it.
    image



    PitaPata Dog tickers
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Go ahead and end the friendship, because she's not acting like a friend.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • bbbb78bbbb78 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    as pp's state, end this friendship

    my advice for handling her:
    image

  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    Loving the gif, bbbb78. OP, it sounds like you have been way polite to your friend and she is not getting the message. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that her actions are totally inappropriate, so I can't believe she has the stones to continue doing this stuff. You deserve more loyal friends than that. I agree with PPs that this looks like a friendship-ending situation.

    ETA: dumb spelling errors from typing on my phone
  • MsYeckMsYeck member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its
    I would have one last final conversation with her where you make it crystal clear that if the behavior doesn't stop now you cannot be friends any longer period.
  • Since she acts so nonchalant about her ludicrous behavior you need to end the friendship now.  It doesn't seem like any amount of talking to her is going to make her change.  She sounds like a shitty friend if she really could careless about your feelings.

  • keochankeochan member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Send her packing.
    "Your behavior around FI has been completely inappropriate and makes the both of us uncomfortable. Obviously you don't care about how we feel about this so we can no longer be friends. Peace out b" At least that how I'd say it. 
    Oh! and I was in the position of you fi once so I totally relate. The exact conversation I had when I guy who knew I was engaged made a move on me (and then said I should be with him, REALLY dude?) that you could maybe use. "Obviously you don't respect me if this is how you act. If you can't respect my relationship or me then I really have no use for you as a friend at all. We're done here. Lose my contact information."
  • I would personally end this friendship. First, I can't imagine being friends with someone who is actively trying to get with my H (or FI). But on top of that, one who says it's no big deal and acts like I'm the one in the wrong? No way. This is not a wedding issue or MOH issue; it is a friendship issue. She is not being a friend right now.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards