Wedding Etiquette Forum

Inviting my Cousin's Ex?

So, here is the quick backstory: My cousin, his (now ex) wife and I went to college together and were close during that time. I was at their wedding years ago and used to babysit their son while he and his wife were in graduate school and I was finishing undergrad, which was about four years ago. In the past few years, he had an affair with a much younger woman, gotten divorced,  moved away and he and I haven't spoken in more than two years. However, I do still stay in contact with his ex-wife and their elementary school-age son. Is it acceptable to invite them my wedding but not my cousin? 

Re: Inviting my Cousin's Ex?

  • I think this is something that is totally dependent on family dynamics and expectations. Have you asked someone in your family (your parents for example) what they think? Certainly your cousin's son is a member of the family, and his mother (cousin's ex-wife) will hopefully be included in many family events for years to come, and they should not be excluded from your wedding. My hesitation here is the idea that you wouldn't invite your cousin - that's the issue that may cause some family drama if someone gets upset that you've "chosen sides" or what have you.

    FWIW, my father cheated on my mother and ended their almost 40 year marriage two years ago. He got remarried right away once the divorce was finalized. We are not on speaking terms and haven't been since about 1.5 years ago. I still invited both him and his new wife to my wedding - he's family, regardless of his past idiocy (he said lots of idiotic and downright mean things to people in the family post divorce announcement - hence us not speaking). He declined coming. Had he accepted, I would have simply ensured that he and my mom were not at tables next to each other, and carried on with my day.
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  • Ditto Alli. This is going to depend on how it will affect the drama meter in your family and if it will, do you want to deal with it? 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2013
    Also ditto Alli. It just depends on the family dynamic. My aunt and uncle divorced about 15 years ago, but my aunt is really cool, and we stay in touch with her. She comes to the occasional graduation party and wedding. My uncle, his new wife, and my aunt are all adults and act accordingly. We don't seat them together, and they don't really talk, but it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. There's no drama, and nobody has ever said, "I'm not coming if X does."

    On the other hand, another aunt and uncle divorced, and this particular aunt is a living terror. She was always pretty nasty, and everyone was glad when they finally split. My uncle wants nothing to do with her, so we don't invite her to gatherings out of respect for him.
  • Yeah, the success of this is all dependent on whether you have a family member who will have the vapors over him not being invited (IE his mother).

    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • allispain said:
    I think this is something that is totally dependent on family dynamics and expectations. Have you asked someone in your family (your parents for example) what they think? Certainly your cousin's son is a member of the family, and his mother (cousin's ex-wife) will hopefully be included in many family events for years to come, and they should not be excluded from your wedding. My hesitation here is the idea that you wouldn't invite your cousin - that's the issue that may cause some family drama if someone gets upset that you've "chosen sides" or what have you.

    FWIW, my father cheated on my mother and ended their almost 40 year marriage two years ago. He got remarried right away once the divorce was finalized. We are not on speaking terms and haven't been since about 1.5 years ago. I still invited both him and his new wife to my wedding - he's family, regardless of his past idiocy (he said lots of idiotic and downright mean things to people in the family post divorce announcement - hence us not speaking). He declined coming. Had he accepted, I would have simply ensured that he and my mom were not at tables next to each other, and carried on with my day.
    What is a divorce announcement?



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  • Dreamer, I think the meant when he announced that to the family that they were getting divorced. Not like a sent announcement of their divorce. 
  • Dreamer, I think the meant when he announced that to the family that they were getting divorced. Not like a sent announcement of their divorce. 
    Yes, this is precisely what I meant - post when he announced to the rest of the family that he was divorcing my mother.
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  • Invite both.  I am having my cousin's ex-wife as a bridesmaid, let him know that she is in the wedding. It is up to him if he wants to come or not. 
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