Quasi Invite

MoonlightSilver

My mom and dad got invited to a relative's wedding. It's their cousin's kid I think? Some sort of distant but still friendly relation like that. Anyway my mother told me this morning that the invite was for "all of us"- mom, dad, my brother, myself and my husband. I asked about who was named on the invite, and she said only her and dad were- but that her cousin, the mother, was paying for the wedding and had told my mom it was an invite for everyone. I asked if the bride knew her mom was inviting more people and she just laughed it off.

I don't know these people well and the wedding is down in Florida (we live in CT), so I doubt I'd go anyway. But having thrown a wedding just a short almost year ago, I can't believe the bride will be happy with her mother throwing out invites without her possibly knowing. 

MrsGandthebeag

Yea, I wouldn't be happy.  I wonder if the bride knows.

daveANDkristen

I agree with you.  Unless maybe this is a cake and punch reception at a huge venue, I don't see how they could plan this event without hard numbers.  I'm betting the bride is unaware that her invites are getting super-sized by WOM, which will be very stressful once those RSVPs start rolling in.

AddieCake

I saw a wedding show once where the bride's mom had taken an invitation and PHOTOCOPIED (imagine getting THAT in the mail) it and sent it to people. The church they were getting married in only held X number of people, and they were well over capacity by the time the bride found out this was happening just a few weeks before the wedding. I just don't know WTF is wrong with people. 

beharrington

Yeah, my MIL took BIL's invite and photocopied it to hand out to friends. We put something in place where our DOC was checking escort cards as people went through the receiving line. But then MIL started sneaking people in through side doors. So, it could be worse....

MairePoppy

@beharrington - didn't the guests wonder why they had to sneak in and why there weren't any escort cards, place settings for them? As a guest, I would've been very upset the the MOG. 

beharrington

MairePoppy said:

@beharrington - didn't the guests wonder why they had to sneak in and why there weren't any escort cards, place settings for them? As a guest, I would've been very upset the the MOG. 

I'm fairly certain it went something like "my white devil DIL and her evil parents didn't want you here but since it's my wedding, you come anyway". But that's just a guess.

MoonlightSilver

beharrington said:

@beharrington - didn't the guests wonder why they had to sneak in and why there weren't any escort cards, place settings for them? As a guest, I would've been very upset the the MOG. 

I'm fairly certain it went something like "my white devil DIL and her evil parents didn't want you here but since it's my wedding, you come anyway". But that's just a guess.

This sounds crazy. What did they do to eat? Stand in the corner? Steal from the guests you invited?

MoonlightSilver

EllaYoung said:

I am about to out myself for my poor manners, but that is how we handled family (as in related to us) invitations. In my defense, I am the first to actually send invitations instead of getting on the phone and inviting family by word of mouth. We can get away with doing this because everyone is local and there aren't that many of us to begin with.

But did you at least put everyone's name on the invite? 

Plus, you're the bride, so you know all these people are invited and coming. From the conversation I had with my mom, it seems like the MOB is inviting people without telling the bride.

Peledreamsofrain

You might want to call the bride and ask for clarification.  Sure you have no intention of going, but if I was the bride I'd want to know as soon as possible that this ish was happening.  Worst case scenario is that she meant to invite this way, and thinks your call was weird.  Best case scenario, you'll be all:

MairePoppy

beharrington said:

@beharrington - didn't the guests wonder why they had to sneak in and why there weren't any escort cards, place settings for them? As a guest, I would've been very upset the the MOG. 

I'm fairly certain it went something like "my white devil DIL and her evil parents didn't want you here but since it's my wedding, you come anyway". But that's just a guess.

How did you deal with this at the reception? Are you on speaking terms with monster-in-law, now? I'm shocked that your MIL's guest would stay, once it was clear that the HOSTs hadn't invited them. 

beharrington

How did you deal with this at the reception? Are you on speaking terms with monster-in-law, now? I'm shocked that your MIL's guest would stay, once it was clear that the HOSTs hadn't invited them. 



Since it technically wasn't the guests' fault (apparently it is very common in Vietnamese tradition - according to my MIL - for the parents to hand out invites and not for it to come from the actual hosts), we did our best to handle it graciously. The buffet line took forever to end because of the cluster of extra people and MIL running around stealing people's chairs when they got up. But in that moment, what are you going to do, run around and tell people they have to leave? I just wanted to have a good time, not feel like a bitch.

No, we are not on speaking terms with MIL right now. When I feel like I can speak to her without losing it completely, we'll maybe see her again. But, I knew she'd pull something like this, so I had planned for extra food at least.

MairePoppy

Now I get it. I've heard that about Vietnamese weddings. The invitations are extended to everyone and anyone by the B & G and parents, so those people had no way of knowing they were crashing your wedding. Good thing you were one step ahead of FMIL. I don't blame you for not speaking to her, though. She should have respected you decision.

beharrington

MairePoppy said:

Now I get it. I've heard that about Vietnamese weddings. The invitations are extended to everyone and anyone by the B & G and parents, so those people had no way of knowing they were crashing your wedding. Good thing you were one step ahead of FMIL. I don't blame you for not speaking to her, though. She should have respected you decision.

Only problem - she didn't contribute a dime. In normal Vietnamese weddings, both sets of patents pay. Now, not saying she was obligated to, but when she didn't, she shouldn't have felt entitled to run around inviting people. Ugh

ETA: obviously still a sore spot with me.

allychase

What the hell happens to turn people into crazy controlling in laws that think they can do whatever they want? Were these people always just ignorant or what? I wish I could comprehend the thought process ...

daveANDkristen

StageManager14 said:

daveANDkristen said:

I agree with you.  Unless maybe this is a cake and punch reception at a huge venue, I don't see how they could plan this event without hard numbers.  I'm betting the bride is unaware that her invites are getting super-sized by WOM, which will be very stressful once those RSVPs start rolling in.

Even a cake and punch reception needs hard numbers within a relatively small margin. That's how you know how much cake and punch, as well as tables and chairs you need. Since most who throw a C&P are on a very tight budget, there usually isn't a lot of wiggle room to order a bunch of extra refreshments, tables and chairs, and linens "just in case".

Oh I agree that this wouldn't be a good plan! But I suppose you could have a "come one, come all" event at a large venue with minimal food. Lets face it, not everyone is concerned about providing enough tables and chairs, even though that's ign'ant as hell!

StephJean83

Apparently on FMIL's side of the family it is pretty common to send one invite to the "head of a family" and it is meant to include everyone in that family. A couple summers ago one of FH's cousin was married and the invite went to FIL's but was meant for FBIL and his family, FH and I and FSIL as well. The first I heard of the wedding was a couple weeks after it. I am slightly nervous when we send out our invites that his family will not RSVP correctly or we won't get everyone's address because they don't see the point of it.

In my family my dad's sister believes that if she is invited to something that automatically it means her kids and grandkids are invited too. My sister was going to invite just our aunts and uncles to her wedding but when our dad said his sister would include all of her kids and grandkids, she opted to just not invite any of them. I just find that whole side of the family to be disrespectful so I am not inviting any of them.