Wedding Party

Disgusted with GM...by brother!!!

LAM524LAM524 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
edited May 2013 in Wedding Party
Hi everyone, (hope I indicated this right.. is my repeat post from Wedding Party)

Sorry I am gonna rant but truly cant talk to anyone about this!!!! I am so terribly hurt for my FI!!!!!!

some history: I have 3 brothers and my FI has none. One of the things that my FI feels very strongly about is how he considers my brothers HIS brothers, because he has none, and really looks forward to their brotherly relationships. He has already asked my brothers to be his groomsmen.

With one of my brothers he felt an immediate connection with because they both are Christian musicians and Pastors. Last year, this brother "G" expressed the desire to move back by us, his family, from out of state. Since my FI had a big house all to himself he invited "G" to room with him. He accepted. They both thought it was a great idea. The plan was that my FI would mentor my brother at church and hopefully, eventually "G" could fill in for my FI to take some time off here and there. They also thought it would give them great opportunities to write and record music together. After several months, "G" decided to make the move!

Unfortunately, within those months,  my FI 2 homes were thrown on his "divorce" table. (He was tangled up in the divorce from hell for 1.5 yrs) My FI decided to let his ex buy him out of their "rental" property. The house he was living in since their split.yrs.  Because "G" had already made the decision to move back, and had given his employer notice, he went forth with it and moved in with our mother. (last May)

This past year, both my FI and "G" have spent time together here and there, playing music, playing at church and just hanging out. In other words, all seemed great!!! Well, 2 weeks ago "G" called me with complaints about my FI. How FI didnt send him music that he was suppose to send! How FI doesnt return his calls all the time...or his texts. I listened with an open mind. Its true, my FI doesnt always return calls or texts immediately. He works very hard and sometimes crazy hours within his church. He also has gigs outside of church on the weekends. Whereas my brother hasnt worked in about 3 months because he hurt his back.

As far as not emailing "G" the music he "promised" I am positive it slipped his mind. "G" also complained that my FI wasnt doing the mentor thing with him at church for the last 3 months and wasnt inviting him to play. (My FI stopped inviting him because my brother, several times, accepted the invite and without notice didnt show up for the church service where he was needed.  We would hear from him days later with different reasons for his absence) After he complained about my FI not mentoring him, he acknowledged that he wasnt coming because he had no gas or toll money but lied to us because he was embarrassed BUT then still continued to complain!!

 Every complaint was followed with " I know hes a nice guy and wouldnt mean to intentially hurt anyone..." THEN my brother went into the "roommate" situation. He complained that it didnt work out and how he is now stuck living with our mother, who is a very mean woman! (true) The crazy thing was he had a "disclaimer" before, during and after the complaints! All making his complaints non valid!!! "I know he gave up the house in his divorce and that is whats best for him and the situation but..." I ended up telling my brother that I was sorry he felt this way and that Id hope he would see how FI values and cares for him with his gesture of asking him to be GM. He said he did.

Its my brothers response to this that is killing me. "G" told me that he was shocked that my FI asked him to be his GM and that the only reason he said yes was because of me and that as long as Im happy, so is he!!!! OMG!!!! My heart immediately was crushed!!!! All I could manage to say was "thank you" but what I really wanted to say was "Ummm...dont do him any favors and back the hell out!"

Of course I havent repeated any of this to my FI. It would crush him. Especially because this is the brother he feels closest to! I need your advice! I dont know what to think of it all but pissy things!!! I am really hurt for my FI. Im am angry at my brother for his petty [email protected]%$^! I cant stand the thought of walking that aisle to my FI and seeing my brother up there beside him!! Who wants fake??? I dont do fake well!! I just dont know how to process this.

Im too close it it, so Im hoping outsiders can show me some clarity! Thank you all for your time.



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Re: Disgusted with GM...by brother!!!

  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Will some please read this and give me the cliff notes?



    Anniversary
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    LeenieLane
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Dreamergirl....Im so sorry!! I totally rambled and rambled as my brain decompressed. I did post this on the etiquette board and did my best to shorten it!! I was actually going to delete this one!

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  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    hmmm.....cant seem to figure out how to delete!

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  • So does your brother not like your FI really at all? Or he likes him but just really isn't that good a friend of your Fi, but your Fi thinks he is? Sorry just wanting to clarify. If your brother doesn't consider himself a good friend of your Fi, I think maybe you should have a talk with your FI, and first find out exactly how your FI currently feels about your brother. It may be that since your brother has missed a lot of things, etc that he does not feel as close to your brother anymore as you think he does. After that, I think I would probably tell your FI what is going on and let him decide what to do. I think he should know the truth, but I also think you should leave the decision of how to handle it up to him. 
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2013
    CN:
    Fi loves her brothers as though they were his own. He asked them to be groomsmen.
    One of the brothers is a Christian musician and pastor, like her fiance.
    Fi and Brother has still be spending time together.
    Bother and fiance are complaining about each other.
    The brother is now saying that he only said yes to be a groomsman to make OP happy.
    She's angry at her brother for pretending to care about her fiance.
    Or something like that.
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  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    So does your brother not like your FI really at all? Or he likes him but just really isn't that good a friend of your Fi, but your Fi thinks he is? Sorry just wanting to clarify. If your brother doesn't consider himself a good friend of your Fi, I think maybe you should have a talk with your FI, and first find out exactly how your FI currently feels about your brother. It may be that since your brother has missed a lot of things, etc that he does not feel as close to your brother anymore as you think he does. After that, I think I would probably tell your FI what is going on and let him decide what to do. I think he should know the truth, but I also think you should leave the decision of how to handle it up to him. 
    Initially, I quietly questioned this also. If I take into account the positives my brother expresses about FI and how they get along when they are together, Id be surprised if my brother didnt like him.

    After some thought, Ive decided to not say anything to my FI. There is no good that could come out of it (for their relationship). I was just very hurt, thinking my FI deserved GM's that want to be there for him. Ya know, I had that  "perfect world" thinking. 

    Basically, Simply Fated, summed it up good. They do still spend time together, lots of it, so because I was hurt, I thought it selfish to say anything to FI.  I may still, in time, check in with my brother though and see if his feelings have changed.

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  • I agree you shouldn't say anything. Friendship can't be forced, so intervening can't possibly help. And your brother could just be talking out of frustration.
    They'll be okay, I'm sure.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Its my brothers response to this that is killing me. "G" told me that he was shocked that my FI asked him to be his GM and that the only reason he said yes was because of me and that as long as Im happy, so is he!!!! OMG!!!! My heart immediately was crushed!!!! All I could manage to say was "thank you" but what I really wanted to say was "Ummm...dont do him any favors and back the hell out!"

    I don't understand why this upset you in the first place.  It seems like a pretty normal reaction for an opposite sex sibling asked to be on the FI's side instead of the sibling's side.



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