Wedding Party

Bridesmaid selection...

I will be 36 when I get married next year. I am having difficulty choosing bridesmaids since my relationships have changed over the years. Here are my definites:

Matron of honor:  sister

Junior Bridesmaid:  niece (11)

Junior Bridesmaid:  niece (12)

 

Apart from that I have my college best friend who has lived very far away from me since we finished school. She's in Mexico now. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Then there is my other very good friend from college (the 2 don't know each other), but she lives in Hawaii. Then there's my new good friend at work but I've only known her since January and she isn't very girly.

I would like my sis, 2 nieces, and b friend from college. But I don't want my b friend to feel awkward because she is the only non-family member, and she doesn't know my family. Not to mention the fact that she has 2 kids and lives in Mexico. I know she'll be able to come, but be a bridesmaid?

Any suggestions?

Thank you so much :)

Katrina

 

 

Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Bridesmaid selection...

  • One note - I visited my b friend from college who lives in Mexico just a few months ago (I flew to see her). I haven't seen my friend in Hawaii in 5 years (last time I flew to see her).

     

     

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    If these women are your nearest and dearest then ask them. It doesn't matter how far away they are, how long you've known them or how long it's been since you've seen them. If you can't imagine not having them in your wp then ask them.

    You can make dress shopping convenient by just choosing a color and length and telling them to get any dress they want. Also keep in mind your budget. The larger the bridal party that more
    You have to spend on gifts.
    Blue_Bird
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I don't see what your friend from work not being girly has to do with anything. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    mlg78Blue_Bird
  • If you know you want someone in the wedding, ask them regardless of whether they are family, girly, nearby, etc.

    If you feel any hesitation, don't ask that person or give yourself some more time to think through your selections.
  • I will be 36 when I get married next year. I am having difficulty choosing bridesmaids since my relationships have changed over the years. Here are my definites:

    Matron of honor:  sister

    Junior Bridesmaid:  niece (11)

    Junior Bridesmaid:  niece (12)

     

    Apart from that I have my college best friend who has lived very far away from me since we finished school. She's in Mexico now. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Then there is my other very good friend from college (the 2 don't know each other), but she lives in Hawaii. Then there's my new good friend at work but I've only known her since January and she isn't very girly.

    I would like my sis, 2 nieces, and b friend from college. But I don't want my b friend to feel awkward because she is the only non-family member, and she doesn't know my family. Not to mention the fact that she has 2 kids and lives in Mexico. I know she'll be able to come, but be a bridesmaid?

    Any suggestions?

    Thank you so much :)

    Katrina

     

    If your college friend accepts, will you be referring to her as your "senior bridesmaid"?

    Dreamergirl8812
  • My nieces are too old to be flower girls and too young to be bridesmaids so their role will be junior bridesmaid. Any adult bridesmaids will just be "bridesmaids".

     

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Wow, you are over thinking this immensely.

    Have whoever you want as BMs, whether they live close or far, are family or not, know each other or don't, are 12 or 90 years old.

    Picking your wedding party should be one of the easiest things to do.  Close your eyes and visualize your wedding day.  Who do you see standing up there with you?  Those are the people you should ask.

    And I have to agree with the point about the Junior BMs.  There is absolutely no difference between the roles of a Junior BM and a regular BM.  Both have to wear the dress picked and walk down the aisle with a smile on their face.  By labeling them juniors just points out the fact that they are young which most pre-teens and early teenagers do not like.


    Blue_BirdPrettyGirlLost
  • AddieL73 said:

    I don't see what your friend from work not being girly has to do with anything. 



    This, big time. It sounds like there may be other good reasons not to ask the work friend, but I don't dress girly in my everyday life either and would be really hurt if I found out I was left out for this reason.
    Blue_Bird
  • My nieces are too old to be flower girls and too young to be bridesmaids so their role will be junior bridesmaid. Any adult bridesmaids will just be "bridesmaids".
    Could you please give us your take on what the role of a bridesmaid is? What's the age cut-off for junior and senior bridesmaid? Will you distinguish between senior guests and junior guests as well?

    Blue_Bird
  • Have you ladies seriously never seen young girls called junior bridesmaids? Typically, bridesmaids assist in throwing/hosting a bridal shower/bachelorette party. They also provide emotional support for the bride and have a close friendly/sisterly relationship with the bride. It is not appropriate to ask this of children. That is why they are "junior" bridesmaids. They are too young to be bridesmaids in the sense of providing emotional support for the bride during this time, and they are too old to be flower girls, but they are still important young ladies to the bride. 
    kkskidderhannahkate86
  • Well said Lavender.

    I didn't mean to create such a stir with my question. Being new to this I thought I could come to this board and ask an awkward question.

     I have decided to ask my nieces to be junior bridesmaids, and they are thrilled to be a part of the day. I have also asked my coworker to be a bridesmaid because we are such good friends. I have  asked my sister to be matron of honor, and my best friend from college who I know has the resources to travel to my wedding to be a bridesmaid (she lives in Mexico). My friend in Hawaii is not sure she can make it, so I didn't want to burden her or pressure her with the added expense of being a bridesmaid. I feel good about my decision.

    Thanks to all who offered positive advice :)

     

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Have you ladies seriously never seen young girls called junior bridesmaids? Typically, bridesmaids assist in throwing/hosting a bridal shower/bachelorette party. They also provide emotional support for the bride and have a close friendly/sisterly relationship with the bride. It is not appropriate to ask this of children. That is why they are "junior" bridesmaids. They are too young to be bridesmaids in the sense of providing emotional support for the bride during this time, and they are too old to be flower girls, but they are still important young ladies to the bride. 
    What exactly causes a bride to need all this "emotional support" to plan a party?
    Don't be dense. It's not necessarily support to plan the party, it's support in preparing for this major step in life. Also, support in navigating the stress that comes with wedding planning. Do tell - why did you have your bridesmaids? To be pretty accessories on your big day? Of course not, you picked women I'm sure that have been good friends and a good support system for you (I would hope).
  • To each their own

     

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Simply Fatedhannahkate86
  • GB520GB520 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    zitiqueen said:
    My nieces are too old to be flower girls and too young to be bridesmaids so their role will be junior bridesmaid. Any adult bridesmaids will just be "bridesmaids".
    Could you please give us your take on what the role of a bridesmaid is? What's the age cut-off for junior and senior bridesmaid? Will you distinguish between senior guests and junior guests as well?
    I was a junior BM when I was 10 in 1996.... we live in NJ maybe it's a regional thing but I don't think so.


  • Well said Lavender.

    I didn't mean to create such a stir with my question. Being new to this I thought I could come to this board and ask an awkward question.

     I have decided to ask my nieces to be junior bridesmaids, and they are thrilled to be a part of the day. I have also asked my coworker to be a bridesmaid because we are such good friends. I have  asked my sister to be matron of honor, and my best friend from college who I know has the resources to travel to my wedding to be a bridesmaid (she lives in Mexico). My friend in Hawaii is not sure she can make it, so I didn't want to burden her or pressure her with the added expense of being a bridesmaid. I feel good about my decision.

    Thanks to all who offered positive advice :)

    No, it wasn't well said. She's buying into this "role" nonsense that the wedding industry wants people to buy into, because then it makes more money.

    As PP said, the tradition of bridesmaid was really just women that stood next to the bride to confuse evil spirits. Now it's evolved a bit... you pick the girls closest to you (who I suppose would be the most likely to confuse evil spirits as they're closest to you), to honor them.
    But that doesn't mean it's evolved into having these girls indentured to you, throwing you all sorts of parties after already shelling out a ton on their attire, travel, lodging, etc. Just their standing with you is huge gift enough. They stand by you on your wedding day. That's the "support" you can expect.

    A shower is a gift. A bach party is a gift. There is no reason an 11 year old bridesmaid, or ANY bridesmaid should feel pressured or responsible for that unless they want to.
    The only reason an 11 year old would feel like there was too much pressure to be a full fledged bridesmaid is if the bride was unfairly putting pressure on the bridesmaids with unreasonable expectations. They obtain the dress. They show up on time and sober. They move down the aisle, take their place by the bride, and smile for pictures. That completely sums up all of a bridesmaid's duties. An 11 year old can do those things.

    I don't get the "support" thing. Accepting the honor of standing by a bride does not turn you into her on-call therapist.
    And if you turn it around... if the bride was seriously in a position where she needed to talk to someone about something important, and if that someone couldn't be her fiance, I'm assuming that she could talk to one of her nearest and dearest friends whether they were a bridesmaid or not.

    So it's stupid to say "I'm choosing bridesmaids so I have special support." Because I'm guessing that your nearest and dearest would give you special support [assuming it was truly needed and not some nonsense drama about not getting the right flowers] even if they weren't in the bridal party.
    Giving a girl a bridesmaid dress doesn't magically give her new emotional support powers. Just like not giving a bridesmaid dress to a girl doesn't take away any emotional support powers she might already have.

    So this idea that you need bridesmaids for uber special support just doesn't make any logical sense.

    Just make all of them bridesmaids, even the younger girls.
    Treat everyone as friends rather than servants or therapists. Be grateful for any party anyone throws or any extra help anyone gives, as it's truly a very special gift.
    And everything will be fine.
    SKPMPrettyGirlLostLiatris2010snippet17
  • I will be 36 when I get married next year. I am having difficulty choosing bridesmaids since my relationships have changed over the years. Here are my definites:

    Matron of honor:  sister

    Junior Bridesmaid:  niece (11)

    Junior Bridesmaid:  niece (12)

     

    Apart from that I have my college best friend who has lived very far away from me since we finished school. She's in Mexico now. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Then there is my other very good friend from college (the 2 don't know each other), but she lives in Hawaii. Then there's my new good friend at work but I've only known her since January and she isn't very girly.

    I would like my sis, 2 nieces, and b friend from college. But I don't want my b friend to feel awkward because she is the only non-family member, and she doesn't know my family. Not to mention the fact that she has 2 kids and lives in Mexico. I know she'll be able to come, but be a bridesmaid?

    Any suggestions?

    Thank you so much :)

    Katrina

     

    She'll get to know your family! I was in your friend's shoes when I was my friend from college's bridesmaid. I was nervous at first, but if she has a great personality and is a good friend she'll have a blast with your family! Definitely do not pass up that opportunity.. she won't feel awkward. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Have you ladies seriously never seen young girls called junior bridesmaids? Typically, bridesmaids assist in throwing/hosting a bridal shower/bachelorette party. They also provide emotional support for the bride and have a close friendly/sisterly relationship with the bride. It is not appropriate to ask this of children. That is why they are "junior" bridesmaids. They are too young to be bridesmaids in the sense of providing emotional support for the bride during this time, and they are too old to be flower girls, but they are still important young ladies to the bride. 
    What exactly causes a bride to need all this "emotional support" to plan a party?
    BM's don't have to plan or throw any pre-wedding parties or events for the bride.

    The Bride's FI is supposed to provide her emotional support.

    A person can have younger siblings. . .



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Well said Lavender.

    I didn't mean to create such a stir with my question. Being new to this I thought I could come to this board and ask an awkward question.

     I have decided to ask my nieces to be junior bridesmaids, and they are thrilled to be a part of the day. I have also asked my coworker to be a bridesmaid because we are such good friends. I have  asked my sister to be matron of honor, and my best friend from college who I know has the resources to travel to my wedding to be a bridesmaid (she lives in Mexico). My friend in Hawaii is not sure she can make it, so I didn't want to burden her or pressure her with the added expense of being a bridesmaid. I feel good about my decision.

    Thanks to all who offered positive advice :)

    You didn't create a stir, there are just plenty of people on here who would rather be rude or decidedly unhelpful. Just ignore all the not so helpful responses and consider the one that come from people who actually want to help you.
    image
    Anniversary
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2013
    I'm so sick of this debate. Your friends stand up with you because you want to honor them by including them in the ceremony (you wanna know what the "H" stands for in MOH??).

    For those of you who have bought into this "duties" bullshit, what would you do if one of your bms wasn't there to wipe your ass or spend a bunch of money on you?? Would they be demoted to junior? Or kicked out altogether?

    This is stupid.

    image

    ETA: Literacy fail.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards