Wedding Etiquette Forum

Etiquette faux pas avoided because of the Etiquette Board

There are a lot of newbies on here lately (lots of Spring proposals?) and many have gotten VERY offended when someone doesn't like their idea. I think we should all share some etiquette faux pas we narrowly avoided because of this board.

I'll start - and this is mortifying.

Our two families and the wedding party will be staying at a B & B the night before and the night of the wedding. Because we are all so very close and they understand us so well and therefore the same rules don't apply (sarcasm), I put on my wedding website that rooms are $200/night and that we'll cover what anyone can't pay (I knew at least that it was very expensive). *They would have had to pay us directly because we already paid.* You can imagine all the problems with that but I didn't know!

After spending some time lurking on the etiquette board I jumped over to my wedding website and deleted it as fast as I could. I set it up like a year in advance so I really hope his family didn't see it before I changed it. If someone asks, we'll tell them how much it costs and if they shove money into our hands we will be gracious.

But oh lord, when I think about that I cringe. Seriously mortifying.



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Re: Etiquette faux pas avoided because of the Etiquette Board

  • I am a total newbie, but completely appreciate the honesty of the people who respond to posts on here. There are certain things that I never would have even considered a problem, like the garter/bouquet tosses, but after reading threads on here and realizing how much some people are made to feel uncomfortable by them, we are definitely reconsidering doing those at our wedding. 
  • I was going to put "adults only" on the invitation.. we haven't gotten nearly that far in planning yet but now I know not to do this!
  • I was going to do a donation in lieu of favors, but through reading threads, soon learned that that could be a messy idea.  I scrapped favors altogether.
  • I was going to do a dollar dance.  I had never been to a wedding without one, and I had no idea that they were rude.  Now that I see how rude they are, I'm very much opposed to them.
  • I was going to put "We're having an adults only reception" in the section on our wedding website that includes babysitter contact info. I skipped that line, and just put the babysitters' info, figuring people would figure it out on their own without my needing to commit a faux pas.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2013
    I sent three invitations to one house because I learned here that every adult needs his/her own invitation. Also I tipped many people I wouldn't have (business owner) because of TK.
  • A few years ago, I thought honeymoon registries were a good idea.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I had no clue about the "honor of your presence" being only for a religious ceremony.
    *** Fairy Tales Do Come True *** Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • AddieL73 said:
    A few years ago, I thought honeymoon registries were a good idea.
    Oh Addie, how could you? You would definitely not have earned a cupcake for something like that (I have learned from the boards how much you love them).
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  • edited August 2013
    Post removed due to GBCK
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • I had no clue about the "honor of your presence" being only for a religious ceremony.

    I didn't know that until just now.

    Officially hitched as of 10/25/13

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  • I'm not planning a wedding, BUT when I do, I'm definitely not going to give to a charity in my guests honor in lieu of favors or what ever. The reasoning why that's a bad idea is so... reasonable. I just needed to see it typed out in black and white, I guess lol.
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  • My very first post here was wondering how to ask my future in-laws if they were going to contribute to our wedding because I thought it was weird that they hadn't offered.*face-palm*  In the end, the did not offer to contribute directly to the wedding, but they are hosting a bbq for all guests (as everyone is out of town) and they have put so much time and effort (not to mention $$) into planning it - way above and beyond.  Plus, FMIL threw me a beautiful shower.  

    I probably also would have put registry information on the invitations. 

    I was already feeling like I didn't want my BMs SOs (who don't know anyone else at the wedding) to have to sit at a table of strangers, so I wanted to scrap the traditional head table - many posts here confirmed my suspicions that splitting them up wasn't appropriate.  And it's given me some backup for those involved that want to see a traditional head table (including MOH) - "because people want to take pictures of the head table" ... Sorry mom, people will have to do without a staged photo of us eating!
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  • AddieL73 said:
    A few years ago, I thought honeymoon registries were a good idea.
    This would've been mine. My mom called me after hearing about them, thinking it was PERFECT for us. FMIL did too several months later. One of my first posts on TK was asking which one was the best and I got really defensive at the responses (especially since I didn't ask for opinions about whether it was appropriate or not)....but I thought about it overnight and realized everyone was right and was sure glad for the unsolicited remarks....just after the fact.

    I didn't know cash bars were rude before TK. I still don't mind them as a guest (as long as they give me soft drinks) but as a result, I did opt for a restricted open bar instead of having top shelf liquor that I couldn't afford available as cash bar.  I previously didn't think it was rude to let the cash bar exist if I provided alcohol as well.... the whole "don't let them open their wallets" comment has stuck with me.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • NerdyLucy said:
    I had no clue about the "honor of your presence" being only for a religious ceremony.

    I didn't know that until just now.
    me three.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

  • Without the board I might not have invited some of the cousins with SOs just because I didn't know them.  I'm glad I did as like most have said I didn't spend much time with them at the wedding, but in this case I got to spend some time with them later and they were great people that I was happy to have at my wedding. 
  • Where do I begin?! I havent had my wedding yet I learned how rude some of my friends are and how to avoid it myself.
    I learned that you should ask your BM separately what their dress budget is. That is a courtesy never given to me. I learned that you should shop for your bridal party like its their birthday or christmas and it shouldnt be something they can use for the wedding. I have gotten many "Use one the day of" jewelry gifts. I learned that you should not host your own engagement and wedding related parties.
    The list can go on and on. I appreciate the advice. All of my lurking will make my wedding far less rude and embarraasing. :)
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  • ally91ally91 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I had no idea about head tables without SO's being rude! Definitely not doing that now. Also bridesmaids gifts being personalized, and, though unfortunately too late for me, "Adults Only" anywhere on anything.
    Soon-to-be Mrs. Kent
  • Another honeymoon registry person. My mom sort of side-eyed me when I brought one up, but I thought it was fine since I also had a traditional registry. I read a little more here and that came down SOOO quickly.
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  • edited May 2013
    I was going to have a semi-private ceremony (invite immediate family, a few friends of choice and a few relatives of choice) and then not one but TWO receptions- one for H's family and one for my own- with a bunch of people who would not have been invited to the ceremony.

    Thank goodness we scrapped that plan.
  • One of my very first posts was about having a cash bar. And I was justifying why having one was a good idea.

    lol I haven't had my wedding yet, but I've seen the error of my ways and worked alcohol into the budget.
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    Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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  • I was considering (two years before the invitations would've actually gone out) sending a FB invitation to a group of people I was in a club sort of thing with in college.  My logic was that most of them probably couldn't make it, but I didn't want to pick and choose, and wasn't going to invite them with their SOs.

    *shudder*  SO GLAD I joined the boards and learned enough not to do that.  I'm not sure I would've actually done it anyways, but I can't believe I even CONSIDERED doing that.  

    I also learned not to B-list (my dad kind of pushed for that) and that garter toss/bouquet toss are awkward, and just not worth it.   I think I also may have done the donation-in-lieu-of-favors thing too.

    Geez, I was a hot etiquette mess.  So thankful for all I've learned here.  

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  • allispain said:
    AddieL73 said:
    A few years ago, I thought honeymoon registries were a good idea.
    Oh Addie, how could you? You would definitely not have earned a cupcake for something like that (I have learned from the boards how much you love them).
    I know; it's shameful!  You're the second person this week to comment that you've learned from here how I feel about cake/cupcakes. I'm a little worried about this. IS THIS ALL I AM?!  Am I just that woman who likes cake?!?!




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • @AddieL73 - I am also someone who thinks there is nothing better than cake. Cupcakes should be their own food group in my opinion, with the recommendation to eat one per day for good health. They just make me happy. And if that's wrong, I don't want to be right!! So I see nothing wrong with being the woman who likes cake. I love your random responses about cake.
  • I would have B-listed. *cringe* Not in a super obvious, last minute way, but we have a lot of friends and family that are overseas that I guessed wouldn't make it. I was planning on not sending invites to those people who indicated (after getting the save the dates) that they couldn't make it, and sending invites to a backup group in their place instead. As it turns out, some people are surprising us and coming from a long way away. So we just figured out how to accommodate everyone we wanted there. 
  • While I did buy my BMs tote bags (gasp!), I did fill them with non-WR items.  I picked out things for each girl that fit their personality.  And while I did get each girl a piece of jewelry, I took their personality into account and it was not a requirement to wear at the wedding either.
  • AddieL73 said:
    allispain said:
    AddieL73 said:
    A few years ago, I thought honeymoon registries were a good idea.
    Oh Addie, how could you? You would definitely not have earned a cupcake for something like that (I have learned from the boards how much you love them).
    I know; it's shameful!  You're the second person this week to comment that you've learned from here how I feel about cake/cupcakes. I'm a little worried about this. IS THIS ALL I AM?!  Am I just that woman who likes cake?!?!




    No worries, you are not just the woman who likes cake. I believe there was recently a thread with extensive praise involving how you're everyone's favorite on here. So don't you worry about having a reputation as the cake lady :-)
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  • I was thinking about drink tickets for a while. No lie, in my area cash bars are at 99% of weddings, so I thought 3 tickets per guests was awesome. Now we're just putting in on a tab (open bar prices aren't even available). 
  • I've learned so much from lurking and posting on this board.  One of the major ones I've learned is not to put a dress code on the invitations unless the venue strictly requires it, or unless its a true black tie affair.  I've also come to learn that honeymoon registries are rude, even though FMIL thinks it would be a great idea.
    Anniversary



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