what if I can't afford an open bar?

niki&rob

I have only been to one wedding in the last ten years that had an open bar, i was not offended in the least by the cash bars.  you have to excuse me i have had a bad day, and i don't mean to offend or be rude. I just can't help but get worked up when people are calling someone else down.

manateehugger

niki&rob said:

I have only been to one wedding in the last ten years that had an open bar, i was not offended in the least by the cash bars.  you have to excuse me i have had a bad day, and i don't mean to offend or be rude. I just can't help but get worked up when people are calling someone else down.

No one was insulting anyone (except you, really). We were insulting the idea that guests should have to pay for part of your own wedding. 

manateehugger

niki&rob said:

JoanE2012 said:

niki&rob said:

drink tickets are for the bartenders so that they know whos drinks we are paying for, pretty common in Canada. Don't knock it.  glad i don't live south of the border where you would rather go dry. Dry weddings are boring and Canadians would never go that route. Unless of course you had different religious beliefs. I really do not think charging your guests for their liqour is rude either, i really think that it is a major bonus if booze is free, and i would much rather spend money on food that your guests will talk about for years, the awesome DJ you had, The beautiful venue and all the little details the bride spent so much time on.  I know these are the things i remember from weddings i have been to.

So you're only going to pay for some people's drinks?  How do you think that's going to make all you other guests feel?  Or do you not care much about those family and friends?  

grow up, your being an asshole.  narrow minded american

How do you know she's an American? 

niki&rob

PDKH said:

niki&rob said:

I have only been to one wedding in the last ten years that had an open bar, i was not offended in the least by the cash bars.  you have to excuse me i have had a bad day, and i don't mean to offend or be rude. I just can't help but get worked up when people are calling someone else down.

No one was insulting anyone (except you, really). We were insulting the idea that guests should have to pay for part of your own wedding. 

guests are not paying for your wedding if they choose to drink. think about what you just said

manateehugger

niki&rob said:

PDKH said:

niki&rob said:

I have only been to one wedding in the last ten years that had an open bar, i was not offended in the least by the cash bars.  you have to excuse me i have had a bad day, and i don't mean to offend or be rude. I just can't help but get worked up when people are calling someone else down.

No one was insulting anyone (except you, really). We were insulting the idea that guests should have to pay for part of your own wedding. 

guests are not paying for your wedding if they choose to drink. think about what you just said

If you're offering it at your wedding, but not paying for it, your guests are paying for part of your wedding. Are you going to offer steak upgrades at $15 as well? Think about what I just wrote. 

MuppetFan

You should host guests as you would in your home. Do you invite them, display alcohol, and tell them that things on table two are on the house, but that they have to pay for anything on table one?

TKzilla

niki&rob said:

drink tickets are for the bartenders so that they know whos drinks we are paying for, pretty common in Canada. Don't knock it.  glad i don't live south of the border where you would rather go dry. Dry weddings are boring and Canadians would never go that route. Unless of course you had different religious beliefs. I really do not think charging your guests for their liqour is rude either, i really think that it is a major bonus if booze is free, and i would much rather spend money on food that your guests will talk about for years, the awesome DJ you had, The beautiful venue and all the little details the bride spent so much time on.  I know these are the things i remember from weddings i have been to.

Who are you, the fucking Canadian Ambassador for American Weddings? I wasn't aware you were voted to speak on behalf of all wedding-attending Canadians...

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

PickleJuiceSlurper

Really I believe that it depends on your family, if you're from a low or middle class family they're probably not used to an entire hosted bar just because it's viewed as a luxury and not a necessity (now, that isn't a fact, it's just how my family and I view it).  If it WERE me, I would have beer and wine and *maybe* signature drinks if my budget allowed it, or I would have the cheapest bar package.  IMO, alcohol is a must-do, but that isn't the same for everyone.  Some people would rather have the option to buy alcohol if they wanted it rather than a dry wedding. I also have to add, drink tickets usually go over well (of course, you need to give everyone the same amount except maybe a few extra to the bridal party and parents) and it keeps costs down and pretty from getting too wild.

Just because it's considered rude on here (which could be coming from a group of people which is entirely different than guest that you would be inviting) doesn't mean people will be walking out of your reception saying how tacky and rude you were to be having a cash bar vs an open bar. I would more notice that there wasn't any alcohol at all than trash talk a cash bar. I would be more likely to go out of a wedding talking about their lack of food (appetizers as dinner instead of a buffet/plated meal).

OP, as you can see, there are plenty of options for you.. 

Hosted (usually they have different options of packages based on labels: Premium, house..ect) 

Wine and Beer only

Dry Wedding

Cash Bar

Hosted with a cut off or could use tickets and divide your $1,000 among your guests

Pick a different venue

Cut things from the wedding to afford a better hosted bar package, to be able to give guest more drink tickets ect. 

Anyways, it's a decision you and your future spouse have to make, no one on here can make it for you, we can only tell you our opinions on what we think you should do based on a single post not based on any other aspect of who you are or your family or wedding.  Just know, if cash bars are so tacky and against all hosting rules, then venues wouldn't have it as an option.  It's an option because venues know some couples can't afford to pay for unlimited drinks for everyone, and it's a great option for couples who want drinks as options but don't have the means to shell out an extra $2,000 + for it. 

Hope you have a great wedding and are able to have everything you want there! 

Maggie0829

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

Really I believe that it depends on your family, if you're from a low or middle class family they're probably not used to an entire hosted bar just because it's viewed as a luxury and not a necessity (now, that isn't a fact, it's just how my family and I view it).  If it WERE me, I would have beer and wine and *maybe* signature drinks if my budget allowed it, or I would have the cheapest bar package.  IMO, alcohol is a must-do, but that isn't the same for everyone.  Some people would rather have the option to buy alcohol if they wanted it rather than a dry wedding. I also have to add, drink tickets usually go over well (of course, you need to give everyone the same amount except maybe a few extra to the bridal party and parents) and it keeps costs down and pretty from getting too wild.

Just because it's considered rude on here (which could be coming from a group of people which is entirely different than guest that you would be inviting) doesn't mean people will be walking out of your reception saying how tacky and rude you were to be having a cash bar vs an open bar. I would more notice that there wasn't any alcohol at all than trash talk a cash bar. I would be more likely to go out of a wedding talking about their lack of food (appetizers as dinner instead of a buffet/plated meal).

OP, as you can see, there are plenty of options for you.. 

Hosted (usually they have different options of packages based on labels: Premium, house..ect) 

Wine and Beer only

Dry Wedding

Cash Bar

Hosted with a cut off or could use tickets and divide your $1,000 among your guests

Pick a different venue

Cut things from the wedding to afford a better hosted bar package, to be able to give guest more drink tickets ect. 

Anyways, it's a decision you and your future spouse have to make, no one on here can make it for you, we can only tell you our opinions on what we think you should do based on a single post not based on any other aspect of who you are or your family or wedding.  Just know, if cash bars are so tacky and against all hosting rules, then venues wouldn't have it as an option.  It's an option because venues know some couples can't afford to pay for unlimited drinks for everyone, and it's a great option for couples who want drinks as options but don't have the means to shell out an extra $2,000 + for it. 

Hope you have a great wedding and are able to have everything you want there! 

No, the reason why venues offer a cash bar option is not because it is an ok option it is because they want to make a crap load of money from weddings.  If people actually followed etiquette then venues would be screwed out of thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars because couples would be having dry weddings.  Venues push cash bars as ok because they don't care who pays for the drinks as long as they are making money from it.

And again, your guests should not have to open their wallets to help pay for a wedding that you want to have rather then one you can actually host.  I really wanted a "midnight snack" and filet mignon for my wedding but it was not in the budget.  That didn't mean I went ahead and offered that as an option to my guests so long as they paid $20.  It is the same with alcohol.  Yes, a couple may want an open bar but they just can't afford it.  That doesn't mean that their guests should be charged just so that the couple could have what they wanted but couldn't afford.

banana468

Oh FFS. Even my working middle class family thinks there's no way you can ask a guest to pay for booze.

Has no one seen Robert's wedding from Everybody Loves Raymond? Frank Barrone said, "There is to be an open bar with top shelf hooch! It's in the BIBLE!!"

NYCMercedes

Another reason venues offer cash bars and drink tickets is for business affairs. I've been to many trade shows, business meetings, and association meetings and the bar is always cash. Weddings are their weekend business so have the same packages available. This does not mean that cash bars are appropriate for private gatherings.

manateehugger

Vendors advocate anything that makes them money - that's kind of their job. If vendors only offered the options of open bar or no bar at weddings, they'd loose out on thousands of dollars every time someone couldn't afford to host an open bar (which is often - because, like you said, most weddings aren't $20K affairs). They like money - they don't care if you pay it or if your guests pay it. 

Logic fail.

Edited for clarity.

PickleJuiceSlurper

No matter what you do, someone isn't going to like some part of your wedding, no matter if it's the fact you had a cash bar, a non floor length dress, a long buffet line, a boring dj ect you can't please anyone, do what makes you happy and what makes you have the wedding you want. If that means having alcohol at your wedding but you can't afford it then search your options, ask your close family/friends opinions if you're unsure, and go for it.  

banana468

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

No matter what you do, someone isn't going to like some part of your wedding, no matter if it's the fact you had a cash bar, a non floor length dress, a long buffet line, a boring dj ect you can't please anyone, do what makes you happy and what makes you have the wedding you want. If that means having alcohol at your wedding but you can't afford it then search your options, ask your close family/friends opinions if you're unsure, and go for it.  

To compare properly hosting guests to the length of a bridal gown is perhaps the most ridiculous justification of poor etiquette I've seen here.

PickleJuiceSlurper

It was about guests complaining about someone else's wedding that they were invited to. I dont think anyone, while planning their wedding, is thinking of ways to annoy their guests or to cheat them out of anything. It was saying if the bride wants a short gown, but people say its not appropriate, then the bride should still wear it since it's HER wedding.  

A wedding is about a union of two people, not to cater to everyone you've ever met in your life on golden platters and spending your or your parents life savings just because people say "that's the only way you can do it" 

Maggie0829

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

It was about guests complaining about someone else's wedding that they were invited to. I dont think anyone, while planning their wedding, is thinking of ways to annoy their guests or to cheat them out of anything. It was saying if the bride wants a short gown, but people say its not appropriate, then the bride should still wear it since it's HER wedding.  

A wedding is about a union of two people, not to cater to everyone you've ever met in your life on golden platters and spending your or your parents life savings just because people say "that's the only way you can do it" 

You really aren't getting it.  Decor, the dress, the flowers, hell even the venue does not impact your guests comfort and if they are or aren't hosted properly.  Charging for alcohol or an upgrade in a meal, that is not hosting your guests properly.

We aren't saying that your guests will still not complain if they don't have to open their wallets (because there are some people that you just can't please).  I am sure there were people at my wedding who complained because we had turkey instead of chicken or that they like pink roses instead of purple.  But i can guarantee that no one complained that they had to pay for anything.  We are saying that it is rude, period, to host an event where your guests have to shell out money. 

You don't have to serve things on golden platters or spend your life's savings but if you are going to host a wedding it should be hosted properly.

banana468

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

It was about guests complaining about someone else's wedding that they were invited to. I dont think anyone, while planning their wedding, is thinking of ways to annoy their guests or to cheat them out of anything. It was saying if the bride wants a short gown, but people say its not appropriate, then the bride should still wear it since it's HER wedding.  

A wedding is about a union of two people, not to cater to everyone you've ever met in your life on golden platters and spending your or your parents life savings just because people say "that's the only way you can do it" 

You're really misinformed here.

The priority of the bride and groom is to properly host their guests at their reception. It doesn't have to be expensive. However nothing should be at the guests' expense. What the bride chooses to wear has zero to do with etiquette as long as her dress isn't something R rated.

PickleJuiceSlurper

You're really misinformed. a reception is about the celebration of a union. NOT about catering to your guests. 

Maybe my middle class must be lower class, because 75% of weddings ive been to has been cash or ticketed. 

It isn't being rude to guests, it's being practical. IMO. 

manateehugger

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

You're really misinformed. a reception is about the celebration of a union. NOT about catering to your guests. 

Maybe my middle class must be lower class, because 75% of weddings ive been to has been cash or ticketed. 

It isn't being rude to guests, it's being practical. IMO. 

A reception is an event where the couple "receives" (get it? reception - receive) their guests and thanks them for attending the ceremony (which is why it's rude to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception). Yes, the couple are the guests of honor, but they honor their guests in return. 

It absolutely NOT a class issue. It is a proper hosting issue. You can have a $500 wedding that is properly hosted and perfectly lovely. Have the wedding YOU can afford, not the one your guests have to subsidize. 

JoanE2012

 

niki&rob said:

drink tickets are for the bartenders so that they know whos drinks we are paying for, pretty common in Canada. Don't knock it.  glad i don't live south of the border where you would rather go dry. Dry weddings are boring and Canadians would never go that route. Unless of course you had different religious beliefs. I really do not think charging your guests for their liqour is rude either, i really think that it is a major bonus if booze is free, and i would much rather spend money on food that your guests will talk about for years, the awesome DJ you had, The beautiful venue and all the little details the bride spent so much time on.  I know these are the things i remember from weddings i have been to.

So you're only going to pay for some people's drinks?  How do you think that's going to make all you other guests feel?  Or do you not care much about those family and friends?  

grow up, your being an asshole.  narrow minded american

Wow, stooping to name calling, huh?  Klassy!

Oh, and offering to pay for only SOME of your guests drinks is not narrow minded, it's flat out rude, no matter where you live.

banana468

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

You're really misinformed. a reception is about the celebration of a union. NOT about catering to your guests. 

Maybe my middle class must be lower class, because 75% of weddings ive been to has been cash or ticketed. 

It isn't being rude to guests, it's being practical. IMO. 

I don't know how to explain it to you. You're completely wrong here.

As PP just stated, the reception is where the couple receives their guests and thanks them in the form of food and refreshment. It's a hosted event and therefore nothing is to be paid there by the guests. It may also center around the exchange if vows but the event is for the guests and not the bride and groom.

I can't speak to your class but I can tell you that charging guests for anything has always been the opposite of classy regardless of the hosts' budget or cost of the event.

Please. Buy an etiquette book. Miss Manners is a great start.

MuppetFan

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

It was about guests complaining about someone else's wedding that they were invited to. I dont think anyone, while planning their wedding, is thinking of ways to annoy their guests or to cheat them out of anything. It was saying if the bride wants a short gown, but people say its not appropriate, then the bride should still wear it sincc.e it's HER wedding.  

A wedding is about a union of two people, not to cater to everyone you've ever met in your life on golden platters and spending your or your parents life savings just because people say "that's the only way you can do it" 

OMFG. I hate that logic.

Look, yeah, it's your wedding, or her wedding, you can do whatever you want.

People do rude things all the time. They think they get away with it, but you better believe people talk about them behind their backs. The bride might not hear about it simply because her guests are more polite than she is.

There's a girl on the boards who just posted that she's being charged $75 pp to attend her wedding. Do you think that's cool because it's THEIR wedding?

How about this, my admittance to a wedding I have to go to in a few weeks is a dish that I didn't offer to bring. It's THEIR wedding we're going because we are obligated to but we're allllllll talking about how rude the couple is and that memory will permanently be reflective of them.

Like I said, I am not personally offended by cash bars (unless soft drinks aren't free), but I won't disrespect my guests by having one and I sure as hell am not going to tell anyone it's okay...because it's really not.

QueerFemme

I'm surprised that no one here called out PP on her completely racist use of the term "ghetto".

PickleJuiceSlurper

Muppet,  I get what your saying, having a cash bar is also not what im having, im not asking to have anyone pay for any part of my wedding but having people pay for optional alcoholic drinks at a wedding doesn't bother me and I think it a hosted bar is something they can't afford but they want to accommodate their guests better then a cash bar is better than a dry wedding, but that's if you ask me, you can ask someone else and they'll have a completely different opinion.

I was trying to tell the OP that there are plenty of other options out there, and I was also saying no matter what you do, you'll never be able to please everyone, but at the end of the day, it's your wedding so do what you want and want to be apart of your wedding. 

I do think its ridiculous that the other woman is charging her guests $75 food charge, and would decline the invite, but that is a completely different debate than having a cash bar, no one says they have to open their wallet at all unless they want a drink.

We could argue this all day, but at the end of the day, we are all going to have our own opinions and if we all gave the same advice on this board then we would all have the same wedding and no one would get a variety of opinions and advice and then the people reading these debates would be sitting bored at work. 

banana468

Here's the thing though: Etiquette isn't a matter of opinion. You can choose to ignore it but the correct thing to do isn't going to change.

PickleJuiceSlurper

"Etiquette" ranges so vastly.

Your etiquette and how to behave and act ranges between you and I because we grew up in different families, and probably different social classes, what is acceptable behavior to you, may be unacceptable to my family and I. What is correct to you, may not be correct to me.  

If I were an etiquette Nazi, I would tell you that you have poor etiquette for trying to argue with me via internet and pushing your views and opinions on me, when you aren't going to change how I view cash bars. 

Maggie0829

This is what this thread is making me want to do...repeatedly.

MuppetFan

kerbohl

@nikiandrob Um - ouch!  I'm Canadian, and I'm going the route of a dry wedding.  Thanks for aggravating my fears that my wedding will be "boring" because my venue won't let me have alcohol.