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Someone Slap Me Sane Please

Alrighty y'all, I need your help.  Bitchiness to 10 please.  You've been warned.

So, our wedding is in a little over 5 months.  We set the date last January.  When we first got engaged, FI's parents offered to host and plan the rehearsal dinner.  They've even already looked at some restaurants (which is tricky because of some food allergies in my family, but that's another story for later).  On top of our wedding this year, FI's sister graduates from high school in a couple of weeks and is starting college in August.  We're both super proud of her.  She did color guard (both fall and winter seasons) all during high school.  She's super good at it.  As such, she's planning on trying out for the color guard of the marching band at her college in the fall, and she'll most likely get in.

That's the background.  Here's the problem.  At the mother's day dinner our two families had together, FI's dad casually mentioned that FSIL's Homecoming is the same weekend as the wedding.  They said their current plan is to go to the football game and homecoming festivities during the day on Saturday, the day before the wedding, and then hopefully get back in town for the rehearsal.  They also admit they don't know what time the game or anything else is that day.  

Now, I'm not concerned about them missing the wedding.  I'm just kinda annoyed that it feels like FSIL is taking precedence over our wedding.  I know the party line here is that brides get one day, but seriously, having both days of the weekend would be nice.  I think I would be less upset if they weren't the ones hosting and planning the rehearsal dinner.  How are they supposed to host it and prepare for it if they aren't going to be in town until right before? And what happens if the game isn't until later?  I mean, even if the game starts right at noon and is over by 3pm, they would barely make it back to town by 5pm, which is the time we're looking at for the rehearsal and dinner.  And since both parents are in the ceremony, it would be nice for them to be at the rehearsal so they know what to do the next day.  Am I just freaking out for no reason? Am I overanalyzing this?  Ugg.  I feel like a selfish prick.  But I can't help but feel like they're placing more importance on his sister's achievements and whatnot.  Part of it might be annoyance due to the fact that his dad owes us money that we could use to pay for our wedding, but instead of paying us back they're throwing her a big graduation party and keep putting off paying us back.  

I can't really vent anywhere else.  FI is a laidback kinda guy and isn't worried about it.  He's the type to just let things fall into place.  I'm a planner type, and have anxiety issues, so I tend to overanalyze things.  Who knows, maybe that's why I'm so frustrated too, because I feel like I'm the only one who's worried about it. FI's parents are too focused on FSIL and how exciting her first college homecoming is to be concerned about how it will affect our wedding weekend and FI isn't the type to worry.  I know it'll work out in the end, but I feel like crap in the meantime.

Ok, now that I've vented and gotten all the icky feelings out, someone give me a virtual slap for me and put everything in perspective.  Thanks in advance.  
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Re: Someone Slap Me Sane Please

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    Everything Stage said.

    I have no idea what Colour Guard is but she still needs to try out and make it before you need to start worrying about anything.
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    You completely have a right to your emotions, and you are handling them in a healthy manner by not taking it up directly with them.

    Stage is completely right, you never know how things will shake out.  It could be that you are all tizzied up for no reason (I am the same way as you are about planning, so I understand), and it'd be the shame to waste a good tizzy on a whole lot of nothing.

    Now, let's take the worst case scenario:  everything aligns so that they cannot do the rehearsal dinner.  Make a backup informal plan (if you are like me, this will be a great relief).  Round up your bridal party and your officiant, go through the paces of the ceremony, then go out for lunch together afterwards.  Quick, no fuss, cheap, gets stuff done.  Not ideal, but gets stuff done and relieves anxiety about people knowing the outline of the ceremony.  

    PS don't forget the bridal party's SOs at the lunch if you do go that route.


    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

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    Knowing that your FILs might not be back until the rehearsal is ready to start, you might want to have a conversation with them when the date gets closer over what needs to be done. If it's at a restaurant, you just show up so easy peasy. If it's at someone's house or a park, see what needs to be setup. You can put together a box of "rehearsal essentials" so everything is ready to go whether FILs make it back in time or not.
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    LAM524LAM524 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    I too understand your anxiety! I have one question, if they do not make it in time, does that mean the dinner is off? (ok 2 questions) Or does it mean that you are stuck with the bill?

    tinkerbell gif photo: Tinkerbell stuck in keyhole animated gif Peterpan2_coince9e.gif
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    Maybe they could leave the game a little early to be sure to make it back. There's no reason they need to stay for the whole thing. I mean, no offense to the color guard or anything, but she's not the starting quarterback, you know?


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    LAM524LAM524 member
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    AddieL73 said:
    Maybe they could leave the game a little early to be sure to make it back. There's no reason they need to stay for the whole thing. I mean, no offense to the color guard or anything, but she's not the starting quarterback, you know?


    LMAO!!! True dat!!!!




    tinkerbell gif photo: Tinkerbell stuck in keyhole animated gif Peterpan2_coince9e.gif
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    rajahmdrajahmd member
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    Thanks y'all for your input.  This is exactly what I needed.  At least now I don't feel like I'm crazy for being the only one who's concerned and can move on and wait until it becomes a full fledged issue.  

    As far as offering to host it instead of them @StageManager14, I wasn't sure if that was a good option.  As much as I hope it doesn't get in the way of our wedding rehearsal and dinner, I don't want them to feel like they are being punished for choosing her homecoming over us.  They seemed really excited (especially his dad) to plan it and host it when they first offered.

    @LingerLonger1, love the GIF.  Thanks for the slap back to reality.

    @Peledreamsofrain, I like your idea of having a backup plan in place just in case.  Having an idea that can be easily implemented would definitely make me feel better while we wait to see what happens, just in case they choose her homecoming and backout of hosting the rehearsal (or plans fall apart).

    @LAM2228, I'm partially concerned that we would get stuck with the bill, but mostly concerned that they'll get so wrapped up in her color guard/freshman year/homecoming that they will forget to plan it because it will no longer be a priority.

    @AddieL73, as good of an idea as that is, I doubt they would go for it.  They're the type that like to be there from beginning to end.

    I think what makes the situation so tricky is that this is really the first time his parents have had to deal with having two important events on the same day.  FI and his sister are 8 years apart, so growing up they rarely had milestone events going on at the same time.  I'm betting it's an unusual situation for them and they don't really know how to handle it.

    Thanks guys for letting me vent and process my thoughts/feelings.  Y'all are great!

    Anniversary
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    LAM524LAM524 member
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    Yes, that would be my concern to...especially if you havent a budget for it! Could you or FI just casually ask..here and there...how things are going with the plans for dinner? Since they know they are doing it and seem excited about it, it seems that those 2 things would make them proactive! By your asking, them it could give you peace of mind to hear there updates!

    In all their excitement for FSIL, I wouldnt think they could forget about the dinner or their involvement.

    Congrats and best wishes for a wonderful wedding and future!!! :)

    tinkerbell gif photo: Tinkerbell stuck in keyhole animated gif Peterpan2_coince9e.gif
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    rajahmdrajahmd member
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    We'll probably ask how planning is going when we get closer.  We've been partly involved in picking a restaurant thus far because my mom is allergic to gluten and can only eat at certain restaurants.  FI's dad seems pretty deadset on a restaurant though, so he's been running ideas past me to see if my mom can eat.  He hasn't mentioned any in several months, which is what makes me worried that he's not thinking about it anymore.  I'm just hoping that once his sister's graduation is over and she's off to college, he'll remember and it hopefully won't be too late.
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    What is color guard? (I'm Canadian, we don't do that....)

     

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    LAM524LAM524 member
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    Color guard is similar to a marching band or sorts and they perform with the band or with recorded music. People use props, such as riffles, swords, flags and move to music. Its a performance in all levels of education from elementary to college students. Some organizations do it as just a team "sport" (for their school football team etc) and others do it as a competitive team sport against other color guard teams.

    I was a color guard when I was 12...(centuries ago) :) and twirled an American flag. Our song was "We are the Champions!" We were!!! It was quite fun!!!

    tinkerbell gif photo: Tinkerbell stuck in keyhole animated gif Peterpan2_coince9e.gif
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    You have two issues. First, it's time for FI to ask for the money they owe you. Then you might find some peace about the dinner that's not happening for a few more months. Chill about that and vent here if you need to.
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    rajahmdrajahmd member
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    You have two issues. First, it's time for FI to ask for the money they owe you. Then you might find some peace about the dinner that's not happening for a few more months. Chill about that and vent here if you need to.
    He's already done that.  Now we're waiting for them to pay us back.  It seems that they are paying for his sister's immediate graduation expenses first, then paying us back.  Hopefully we'll have the money in the next couple of weeks.
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    I was in color guard in high school too - most parents came for half time and left right after. We didn't do anything too exciting after half time except march off the field. Which isn't exciting. It is possible that FI's parents are planning on leaving after half time (or will later figure out that that's probably the best plan - then you miss traffic too!). Just have a back up plan like pele suggested and have FI talk to them when the wedding gets closer.
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    rel1988rel1988 member
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    I agree with PP. Since the color guard only performs at halftime maybe you FI can ask them their plans on leaving afterwards and not staying until the end of the game?

    I am an anxiety ridden planner too so I completely understand where you're coming from. I don't think them trying to be "super-parents" is any reflection of them not valuing your wedding as much. I think they are just trying to balance everything out to not disappoint anyone.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    rajahmdrajahmd member
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    Thanks for your support y'all! It really helped clarify my thoughts and feelings.  I am definitely feeling more calm about it. Our plan now is to get wait and see what happens when college starts in August.  If she gets in, great, if not, then it's no longer a problem.  At that point, if she does get in, we'll approach his parents as to what their plan is.  And we'll have a backup easy rehearsal dinner planned just in case they fall through. Thanks again!
    Anniversary
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    This may have been added already, but if she does make the team/squad/unit, her parents really would only need to stay through half time I'd say to show their support fully (in my eyes, considering the circumstance). Maybe that's something FI can voice to them. Whether FSIL be able to make the dinner is a different story. Best of luck!
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