Wedding Registery Conundrum

GigiR72

My fiancee' and I just bought a new house 3 months ago.  We plan on getting married this September.  We moved from a small apartment to a large 3 bedroom house.  We are looking to buy new living room furniture as we have never owned any.  We thought about asking for donations towards the furniture at a specific furniture store.  How does one word that?  Or can we?  I am bothered by the idea of just saying "give us money"... I want to make sure they know it is going to something specific if they so choose to do so.  We will be registering also at a Bed, Bath and Beyond if they want to buy a specific item instead.  If the general consensus here is that it is tacky we will not list it on our website as a option.  If there is enough feedback saying it is okay since we are listing specifically where it is going towards then I will list it.  My question would be back to how does one word it.  We have a backup place to list if we decide against it.  I have gotten feedback from personal friends and family on this topic. It is a divided issue so that is why I am turning to this community for assistance.  I appreciate any opinions from others in the knot community. 

manateehugger

Your instincts are correct. Asking for "donations toward furniture" is the same as asking for cash, which is always rude and tacky. Don't ask for donations - you're not a charity. 

Stick with your small BB&B registry and let people know via word of mouth, or if they ask, that you're trying to save up for home furnishings. 

GigiR72

I think "donations" is not the right wording.  It is not how I wanted to describe it, but again that is why I was reaching out to the community.  Thank you for your honest feedback.  I agree asking for money or donations (as if we are poor) is tacky.  I was just wondering if listing it is to a specific store would be any better.  I know if we just listed "give us money" then for me it would seem very rude.  Again, I don't know hence the reason I am listing this out there.  Again, appreciate the feedback. It is helpful.  :-)

manateehugger

Sorry, but I think even listing furniture at a specific store is the same as asking for a gift card to a specific store (AKA asking for cash). No matter how you phrase it, saying, "Help us buy this leather sofa set we want!" is always going to be a request for money.

The only way it wouldn't be asking for money, is by registering for the entire furniture item itself; but I personally side-eye people who register for major pieces of furniture. 

ETA: Like I said above, I think your best bet is to just keep your registry small to give people the hint that you'd like cash. Then put whatever cash you get post-wedding toward buying the furniture yourselves. 

GigiR72

No need to be sorry.  I asked for honest feedback and that is exactly what you are giving. I needed outside opinions.  You know the more and more I read over what I wrote and what you wrote... and even looking at other boards with same issue... I am realizing more and more that I just don't feel comfortable with doing it.  No matter what color I want to paint this picture it is still the same picture in the end.  So I think we will be going with plan B option for registering.  I think it helped writing this out too.  I appreciate your feedback.  :-)

mlg78

You'll get plenty of cash for the wedding. Just use that.  As others have said, directly asking for cash is not appropriate. Since you upgraded from a small apartment to a large house, I'm positive there are PLENTY of things from regular stores you need to fill the house -- especially when you think outside the box: garage needs? outdoor stuff for the patio/deck?

GigiR72

You are completely correct mlg78.  I think I was hearing so much of both sides from friends and family I just needed to get outside opinions.  And to be honest it was my own fault for not just going through all the threads on here BEFORE posting to give me what the outside opinion is on it.  I have always felt the same, but I think I had people trying to paint it in a different manner.  Such as "if it is going to a specific place..." that was making me re-think it.  But like PDKH and you stated any cash if we are lucky enough to receive will definitely be used for what we see as appropriate for our house. 

It helped writing this all out too.  Just put it on paper and made me realize that no matter what in the end it was us asking for money, plain and simple.  Thank you for feedback and suggestion.  I think we are going to go with those options instead.  Stick to two registries that are for household items primarily. 

mlg78

Lots of people do 3 stores.  I did Kohls, Target & Bed Bath & Beyond.  Kohls had the bedding we wanted and I got some serving pieces, frames, and they had the best price on the Kitchen Aid mixer.  After determining which fine china set we wanted, BBB had the better price over Macys so we did that and a ton of kitchen stuff there.  Everything else was Target.

calliopeia2013

What everyone else said regarding asking for "donations," but I also don't think it would be inappropriate to register for some moderately priced furniture.  I mean, not, like, sofas and beds and stuff (as someone noted above, registering for major pieces of furniture often gets side-eyed), but if it's okay to register for a $300 stand mixer, it's equally okay to register for a $300 coffee table. 

Nick&jenna2012

Have you thought of creating an account at honeyfund.com? It doesn't have to be for a honeymoon we listed things on ours that were not related to our honeymoon. Then people feel like they are actually buying you something when they are really just giving you the money with an earmark on it.

Hope this helps!

AllieBear725

Don't do what the above poster did. Honey anything is a terrible idea. Stick with PP, except that one. All have given good advice.

MNVegas

Honeyfund is a cash registry. Cash registries are deceptive because your guests think they are buying you an actual gift when in fact you are receiving a check, minus fees. Asking for cash even when disguising it as a HM or other cash registry is inappropriate. 

hoffse

OP, you can get registry completion discounts on the furniture at pottery barn and crate & barrel if you register at those places.  They are spendy (C&B more than PB actually when it comes to furniture), but they are pretty much par for the course when it comes to nice quality furniture that's solid wood, etc. these days.

The completion discount at both of those stores is 10%.

If you like either of those styles, do a normal registry at that store and you can use cash, gift cards, and your completion discount on furniture without actually listing furniture on your registry.  The completion discounts are good for the entire store, not just what is left on your list.

dem068

Liatris2010 said:

When people ask where you are registered, you reply, "We registered at BBB and are saving for new furniture." Guests can choose to buy something for the registry, or give cash. When you write your TY notes, be sure to mention how you're spending the money.

totally agree with this.  my close friends knew that we wanted a new bed so they talked to my FI (without me knowing) and all put $ towards that and bought it for us

OtterJ

I think some good ideas have been posted.  We had a pretty small registry, and in addition to gifts, and gift cards, we also received lots of gifts of cash/checks.  You can answer honestly about your goal of saving up if someone asks.

I realize that some people enjoy being offended easily, but the whole point of a registry is to let people know what your needs are.  If there is a store that you would like to register with for dishes, and they also happen to have a lovely table or chair....register for it.  It's not likely that someone will buy such a big ticket item, but you'll get an extra discount post-wedding on things still on your registry.  Plus, if people see that you have a few big ticket, furniture items, some of them will be wise about what you really need/want, and give gift cards or cash. 

And then remember to write thank you cards!!! :-D