My FI is an ass?

Booga101

so heres the deal we've been engaged 2 yrs, which until mother's day my FI thought was one year. he proposed mother's day of 2011. well whenever i bring up planning or ask when are we going to get married, he gets frustrated(though he denies it) and says "i told you,i'm ready when you are. i'm waiting on you. you're suppose to plan it." so i recently brainstormed some ideas. i go to him with them and wouldn't you know he f***ing disagrees with them. should i just forget it? he isn't ready, right? ugh, i am so fed up. do i throw away the relationship or just wait? we've been together 8 yrs and have a 4yr old.

smalfrie19

uhh umm ahhh...i think we need more information here. 

JillianNJohn

Try to sit down with him and ask for his ideas, does he wants to go to the JOP, destination wedding, big wedding, small wedding etc, ask what time of year. Personally I'd make it a point to say its not all on you as the bride, its for BOTH of you, not just him. Having no idea how long you've been engaged would bug me thing so I can see your frusteration there. My FI and I sphere engaged for 9 months before we started planning. The plan when we got engaged was a long engagement, and around 9 mos I got antsy. I had a heart to heart and told him how I felt, I cried a bit too. And then he said lets set a date-frame. We were open but knew early summer. Good luck

daveANDkristen

You need to tell him that the planning is not only your responsibility, but both of yours. You may decide that you would prefer to do most of the planning if he is genuinely not interested in that aspect, but at the very least setting a date should be a mutual decision. Do you think he is worried about the potential costs? Anything else that might be going on?

CLoGreenEyes

Without more information, the best I can suggest is sitting him down and having a heart-to-heart. Ask him when he feels would be a good time to get married - next spring, next summer, when? Does he have a particular vision or any preferences about what does/doesn't happen? Does he want a big wedding or a small and simple one? If he is reluctant to even discuss these things, then I would ask him to explain why he can't seem to commit to making this happen with you.

I would like to know what you think is going on with him. Do you feel he isn't ready or proposed because of reasons other than wanting to be with you forever? Is there anything besides the lack of interest in wedding planning that makes you wonder if "throwing the relationship away" is the right answer?

hordol

If he doesn't want to help plan, he gets no say. My FI was excited about the planning process, but at first he thought that he was going to sit back and just veto anything if he wanted. I did not let that go on long at all. I told him if he wanted to get married, he had two choices: He could help me plan, or he could sit back and not help but then he got NO SAY. Your FI needs to understand that.

AddieCake

It's very weird to me that he gets frustrated when you bring it up. 

winelover123

Does he get frustrated when you bring up planning a wedding or marriage in general? Either way, I think you both need to communicate more. If he keeps procrastinating and getting pissy when you bring up marriage, I'd see that as a red flag and figure that out asap....

Booga101

its not that i get frustrated with the discussion i told her tht when she ready to let me know so i can save and help plan and the reason for tht is cause she was the who said she wasn't ready and im ready but when someone put the pressure on you i have no choice but to get frustrated i love this women with all my heart and wouldn't change tht for the world or anything it. yea i sort of forgot our engagement was going on 2 yrs and im sorry for tht. in my defense its hard when things like her trusting me is not all there.     from the FI whose an ass love you booga even though u tried to be slick and post tht.   

smalfrie19

Booga101 said:

its not that i get frustrated with the discussion i told her tht when she ready to let me know so i can save and help plan and the reason for tht is cause she was the who said she wasn't ready and im ready but when someone put the pressure on you i have no choice but to get frustrated i love this women with all my heart and wouldn't change tht for the world or anything it. yea i sort of forgot our engagement was going on 2 yrs and im sorry for tht. in my defense its hard when things like her trusting me is not all there.     from the FI whose an ass love you booga even though u tried to be slick and post tht.   

ummm ahhh uhhh!! WHAT?!?!

peekaboo2011

The fuck just happened here?

winelover123

......this just got interesting. I still stand by my advice - communication is needed!

QueerFemme

oh hell

Peledreamsofrain

Ahhhh mud.

[Deleted User]

vegasgroom

Hope she doesn't unfriend him on facebook, then things will really go to shit.

AdeleDazeem

@vegasgroom - I thought you left us for distant lands.  Is this a drive by or do you just frequent other boards?

AllieBear725

Oh wow.......

vegasgroom

Joy2611 said:

@vegasgroom - I thought you left us for distant lands.  Is this a drive by or do you just frequent other boards?

Hey there.  I've been just on the Las Vegas, NV board for the past year or so, but when they yanked everyone's moderator duties I figured people on SB would be talking about it so I stopped by. :-)  This thread caught my attention lol.

alyssemillerwedding

My fiance was acting the same way when we first got engaged. But the kicker for me was that HE was the one who wanted to get married. I was content waiting a few years. But I sat him down and had a really serious conversation about it all. Try to find out why he's being so defensive. Does he not want to go through with it or does he just feel like his opinion doesn't matter. My man was all pissy saying that he wouldn't get any kind of say in the wedding, so I started giving him some tasks. Ultimately I told him it was his fault that we were engaged so he can't be upset about what that brings!

rel1988

Booga101 said:

its not that i get frustrated with the discussion i told her tht when she ready to let me know so i can save and help plan and the reason for tht is cause she was the who said she wasn't ready and im ready but when someone put the pressure on you i have no choice but to get frustrated i love this women with all my heart and wouldn't change tht for the world or anything it. yea i sort of forgot our engagement was going on 2 yrs and im sorry for tht. in my defense its hard when things like her trusting me is not all there.     from the FI whose an ass love you booga even though u tried to be slick and post tht.   

I'm assuming she's not marrying your for your ability to spell and speak in complete sentences.

Awwwww snap. Gotta clear that browser history!

harper0813

Don't stop now. Please continue.

MissMolly

Holy macaroni, this is a little messed up.

AddieCake

Oh,I'm so glad I checked back on this thread.....

kerbohl

@tarradesign Oh goodness, that gif is hilarious.  I have never heard of this "breadkittens" game that you speak of. 

bbbb78

StageManager14 said:

If he genuinely doesn't want to plan it, he gets to live with whatever you plan. If he wants a say, he needs to help plan. Regardless, the fact that he gets frustrated and pissy every time the wedding is brought up would be a red flag to me.

Booga101

OMG this mo- fo hacked me really. will clear browser history from now on. who doesn't trust who? checking the history than having the nerve to post. wow, well thats my FI. oh and to Rel1988 don't talk about his spelling. he was probably in a rush trying not to get caught. any way guess i better stop posting on here and talk directly to my man. thanks for the advice. by the way i did say i was not ready,however that meant at that time. now i am so ready and have been for months besides it was in the first year and i was freaking out. however based on this i feel like he doesn't trust me though. i was just trying to vent. MAD-to be or not to be. so i guess he is an ass but he is mine and i wasn't being slick he knows i come here,just not what for. lol, uhhh guess i should apologize TTYL.

Booga101

so LOL of the day! he just called, he didn't have to hack or check the history my stupid ass did not log off i just closed the lappy . he went to use it and Boom there was my post a few backspaces back.  So.......... Mad-not to be that is the answer.

vegasgroom

So basically neither of you trust each other and he uses opportunities when you aren't on your laptop to review your browsing history... sounds fun.

QueerFemme

Booga101 said:

OMG this mo- fo hacked me really. will clear browser history from now on. who doesn't trust who? checking the history than having the nerve to post. wow, well thats my FI. oh and to Rel1988 don't talk about his spelling. he was probably in a rush trying not to get caught. any way guess i better stop posting on here and talk directly to my man. thanks for the advice. by the way i did say i was not ready,however that meant at that time. now i am so ready and have been for months besides it was in the first year and i was freaking out. however based on this i feel like he doesn't trust me though. i was just trying to vent. MAD-to be or not to be. so i guess he is an ass but he is mine and i wasn't being slick he knows i come here,just not what for. lol, uhhh guess i should apologize TTYL

In the event any of this is real, and not just trolling.  I am pretty sure his spelling really is that bad, given his new post on the chit chat board.

And second, don't get married or even engaged until you stop referring to him as "your man".  it sounds juvenile and like you belong on an episode of Jerry Springer.

HobokensFury

Sorry I can't take anyone seriously once they called someone "my man."