Wedding Etiquette Forum

How far is too far?

We are getting married in April of next year. We have found the perfect venue! It allows us to have both the ceremony and reception at the same place, the ceremony location is outdoors (our preference though I do have a backup planned for weather), they provide staff to set up/tear down, and they cater...all at an exceptional price. However...it's 2 hours away. I have family and friends who live there, but my fiance does not. I also have family and friends who live here where I do. Is it outrageous to ask that people drive 2 hours away for our wedding? I know that if we were to have it here, my family and friends over there would have to make the drive too. But if you combine his family and friends that are here with mine, more people would have to travel there than here. There just isn't a lot here to offer...I guess that's what you get for living in a small Iowa town. Anyway, I'm starting to wonder about that choice...anyone have any input?
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Re: How far is too far?

  • Thanks for answering :) The thing for us is, the people that don't come won't come regardless of where we have it due to various reasons...example, I know my uncle in North Carolina probably won't come because he's so far away, 64 years old and not in the best health. And if he doesn't come, his son who also lives in North Carolina likely won't either. So I understand why some won't want to travel...and if the location works for us and the "most important" guests (ok...that sounds bad...all of our guests are important, but there are some we are only inviting to keep peace within the family), then I didn't see any reason to turn down such a great price and location at the time.

    Good job keeping things on neutral ground, btw ;) I would have done the same!
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  • I personally would not invite my cousin in NC but if I didn't, my mom would hear about it from my uncle. And my poor mom...I'm trying to keep this as peaceful and easy as I can for her. It's gonna be hard enough for her as it is because my dad passed away 3 years ago, and one of her sisters (of course the one she was closest to) passed away 2 years ago...so the two most important people in her life aside from my sister and I can't be there. So I want her to have a drama free day where she can enjoy herself as much as possible.
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  • 2 hours is no big deal to travel for a wedding. As long as ceremony and reception are in the same place like you said then you're golden.
  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Agree with PPs, two hours is not big deal. I would however find a hotel in the area and block off some rooms and just let your guests know. I would def drive two hours for a wedding but I would also most likely stay over night, especially if I had been drinking.
  • 2 hours is not far at all, honestly. I'm driving an hour and a half just to meet a friend for lunch next week. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    I guess I'm a little different...  Two hours IS far in my opinion (based on where I am) and unless you were a good friend or close family member, I don't know that I'd make the drive as I'd also have to pay for a hotel.

  • SJM7538 said:

    Agree with PPs, two hours is not big deal. I would however find a hotel in the area and block off some rooms and just let your guests know. I would def drive two hours for a wedding but I would also most likely stay over night, especially if I had been drinking.

    Absolutely! That was my plan regardless as we don't have room to host anyone at our place. :)


    @mlg78...as mentioned above, the hotel thing is going to happen regardless because we can't host anyone in our one bedroom house. I do have a few family members who possibly could, but I wouldn't ask them to. If they got in touch with the family members who are traveling and offered on their own, that's on them. But I wouldn't ask or assume they would do so. And, to he honest, the only ones who have enough extra room live about 45 min to an hour from here...in other words, halfway to the ceremony/reception site as it is. But, as I said, I don't LOVE the idea of asking anyone to drive 2 hours either, so I appreciate the input!! :)

    The most difficult part is that I have people coming from all over. North Carolina...Wisconsin...Minnesota...Nebraska...Wyoming...California...Indiana...Colorado...other parts of Iowa...and that's only the absolute must invite people, which is what we're planning on keeping it as. It's nearly impossible to find a central location :(
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Agree with PPs, two hours is not big deal. I would however find a hotel in the area and block off some rooms and just let your guests know. I would def drive two hours for a wedding but I would also most likely stay over night, especially if I had been drinking.
    Absolutely! That was my plan regardless as we don't have room to host anyone at our place. :)@mlg78...as mentioned above, the hotel thing is going to happen regardless because we can't host anyone in our one bedroom house. I do have a few family members who possibly could, but I wouldn't ask them to. If they got in touch with the family members who are traveling and offered on their own, that's on them. But I wouldn't ask or assume they would do so. And, to he honest, the only ones who have enough extra room live about 45 min to an hour from here...in other words, halfway to the ceremony/reception site as it is. But, as I said, I don't LOVE the idea of asking anyone to drive 2 hours either, so I appreciate the input!! :) The most difficult part is that I have people coming from all over. North Carolina...Wisconsin...Minnesota...Nebraska...Wyoming...California...Indiana...Colorado...other parts of Iowa...and that's only the absolute must invite people, which is what we're planning on keeping it as. It's nearly impossible to find a central location :(

    I don't think you understood what I was saying...  Not EVERYONE will have to get a hotel. I never get a hotel for a local wedding. If I had to drive 2 hours, I'd have to. For me, unless you were a close friend or family member, I wouldn't drive 2 hours.  I grew up in a small Illinois town so I get it...but that's my two cents.  I get that some people will have to get hotels regardless due to traveling but that was my opinion.

     

    Where are the bulk of your guests from?  I'd try very hard to get it in that location.

  • d2vad2va member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    In my opinion, its far, but I also live in South Florida and that would be the equivalent of me driving to Orlando.

    I was actually going to make this thread and ask if 30 mins drive is too far, LOL I know my answer now ;)
  • mlg78 said:



    SJM7538 said:

    Agree with PPs, two hours is not big deal. I would however find a hotel in the area and block off some rooms and just let your guests know. I would def drive two hours for a wedding but I would also most likely stay over night, especially if I had been drinking.

    Absolutely! That was my plan regardless as we don't have room to host anyone at our place. :)


    @mlg78...as mentioned above, the hotel thing is going to happen regardless because we can't host anyone in our one bedroom house. I do have a few family members who possibly could, but I wouldn't ask them to. If they got in touch with the family members who are traveling and offered on their own, that's on them. But I wouldn't ask or assume they would do so. And, to he honest, the only ones who have enough extra room live about 45 min to an hour from here...in other words, halfway to the ceremony/reception site as it is. But, as I said, I don't LOVE the idea of asking anyone to drive 2 hours either, so I appreciate the input!! :)

    The most difficult part is that I have people coming from all over. North Carolina...Wisconsin...Minnesota...Nebraska...Wyoming...California...Indiana...Colorado...other parts of Iowa...and that's only the absolute must invite people, which is what we're planning on keeping it as. It's nearly impossible to find a central location :(



    I don't think you understood what I was saying...  Not EVERYONE will have to get a hotel. I never get a hotel for a local wedding. If I had to drive 2 hours, I'd have to. For me, unless you were a close friend or family member, I wouldn't drive 2 hours.  I grew up in a small Illinois town so I get it...but that's my two cents.  I get that some people will have to get hotels regardless due to traveling but that was my opinion.

     

    Where are the bulk of your guests from?  I'd try very hard to get it in that location.

    Oh, no, I understood completely what you were saying. The reason why I went on to explain about having guests come from all over is due to the fact that I don't really have a "bulk" amount coming from one place or another. The only way you would really get a mass amount is if you combined everyone within an hour radius of where I live. Approximately 15 people. There are about 10 in the town the venue is in. The rest are scattered somewhere between here and the venue (some closer to the venue, a couple closer to here) or among the various states listed above. My family is kind of all over the place.

    As I said, though, I do get what you're saying. I don't know that I would drive that far either if it weren't a close friend or family member. Honestly, we're not inviting anyone but family and close friends. That's why I was asking opinions :) We haven't put the deposit down on the venue yet...so I wanted a little insight on what others deem acceptable or not.

    I'm very appreciative of all the various opinions, thanks guys :)
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  • Two hours is fine.  I've driven to weddings that were much further away.  Heck, sometimes it takes about two hours just to get around the Twin Cities!  It sounds like you love the venue, they have the catering you like and the ceremony and reception are all together.  Just make sure to block off some hotel rooms and try to set it up so that you are not financially responsible for unfilled rooms and go for it!
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  • Two hours is nothing. I'll drive 5-6 hours to go to a friend's wedding. Or fly. I think you're worrying way too much over this - there's absolutely no way you can hold your wedding in a place that is local for all of your guests, so hold it where it's most convenient (in terms of price, planning capabilities, etc.) for you and your FI.
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  • Two hours is nothing to me - I drove an hour each way 5 days a week for 3 years for school. FI and I make day trips that consist of 3 hours each way. As long as the ceremony and the reception locations are not 2 hours apart, you're fine.
  • Haha @allispain...definitely wouldn't be the first time I've over worried :P I'm sure you're right...I'm probably over thinking!

    Thanks again for all the input, guys :)
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  • My wedding is 45 minutes from my hometown, where some of my extended family and the bulk of FI's extended family live.  Both of our immediate families live about 10 hours away so anywhere we had it would be inconvenient for them.  We decided to have the wedding in the larger city near our hometown because we have guests flying in from all over the world, it was closer to the major airport and cheaper than having it in our hometown.  It is a night wedding and his family has complained A LOT about the fact that the wedding is so far away and inconvenient.  They really wanted it to be in the hometown so that they did not have to get hotel rooms.  That said, I'm glad we went with the venue that worked best for us, and FI does defend the choice to his family (and recognizes they are being rude).

    You may have some people complain, which you should be prepared to deal with, but ultimately you should do what's best for you. 
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