African American Weddings

Pushing Back Our Date Again (long)

Well my honey bunny and I have came to the conclusion that we are just way too deep into stuff to plan this wedding this is suppose to happen in 5 months. Recently, my department informed me that my scholarship is ending because they have no money. Which means I have to pay my tuition out of pocket for this summer and the next academic year and the income I got from being a TA has ended. We are currently in the process of building a house and my FI is currently always busy with his new business that he recently started a few months ago. With my dissertation, his business, building a house, a 14 month old, planning from across country and now the fact that I have to find some type of part time income to cover my living expenses a wedding in November isn't happening. Our bridal party and family were very supportive of our decision, but there were a few Negative Nancys who had the nerve to say your FI is ballin why are you worried about working or finances, well for one I am very independent. I like to do for myself and even though he has said he will pay my tuition and handle our expenses plus pay for our wedding I just can't. I like to pull my fair share, and I like having my own money!! I have never been the type to ask for anything. Then one of my what I thought was my friends said Well you better keep your eye on him before somebody else gets him, how bout I keep my eye on you heffa for saying something like that.. But I am fine with the decision, it actually works out for the best. Less stress on me. I can get this dissertation out the way and focus on being the best mom and future wife that I can be. Starting his own business has been stressful for him and has been a very trying time, but I thank God for the blessing that He has given him, being his own boss and doing what he loves. I'm still planning and all but now I don't have to go into overdrive and have a damn heart attack with everything else we have going on. The sweetest thing was this morning as he left for the airport he said to me "I love you no matter what, we have a bond that can't be broken. A wedding is just a ceremony. I know that if we can make it through all we've been through we can make it through anything." How I love that man of mine. Thanks ladies for letting it all out. 

Re: Pushing Back Our Date Again (long)

  • LeciaBLeciaB member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    awww hunny bee.. thats mean you cant stand up with me when those tramps in the room board are mean to people..lol but my goodness love you have a lot going on..like the mister said its a bond you gutys have that cant be broken.. and who are these people to be all in your finances like that.. umm boo get your life and have a seat... thats is awesome that he is so supportive and you can focus on all the things you have going on..:)...with all that said im sure when the day comes it will be great because you will be a Doctor/Wife/Mommy... god bless love and thats what we are here for

    Daisypath - (PNE7)
  • @LeciaB thanks so much!!!! Those tramps are quite mean I couldn't believe what they said to the chick the other day about the cosmetic cases that was just so rude. 
  • drmass2013 AWWWW im sad to hear that but very happy to knw that you have a man that genuinely loves you no matter what and let me just speak on lil miss watch you man or somebody might take him uhhhhh yeah she needs to fall back and respect your relationship who n da hayle is she to tell you that? which further lets me knw shes eyeballing yo man o no honey bun i would have to remove her from the equation smh the nerve of her.....ok i digress LOL... But again pushing the date back gives u more time to plan it out perfectly and get everything u really want for that big day, which i knw will be lovely when it comes....

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



  • LeciaBLeciaB member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    @drmass2013.. i know right ... I almost came through the computer.. like the girl was only try to do something nice.. and I hope they were trying to shine on me..like I dont know asprins are blood thinners or that people can have allergic reactions...I was using generic terms.. .. they need to get a life..if you are going to say something at least be helpful and not an a**.

    Daisypath - (PNE7)
  • minsu5minsu5 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    Take your time in planning the ceremony. If neither of you are in the best place to plan the wedding of your dreams, then waiting is the best choice.  I also applaud you for continuing your education and maintaining some level of self-support.  It will give your child a positive example to follow. I suggest, though, that you consider some protection of your assets and your child in the interim, like:

    • Drafting a will and living revocable trust for any real property you share with your FI,
    • Executing a health care directive ("living will"),
    • Creating a cohabitation agreement between you and your FI (if living together in a single home) and
    • Putting in writing who takes care of your child (and how that person should raise your child) if something terrible happened to you and the child's father.

    In addition to celebrating love and being surrounding with loved ones, a wedding is the beginning of a legal arrangement.  I think of it as loving someone so much and trusting this person so dearly that you want to be legally "one" with this person. However, without a marriage license, you can enjoy only some protections of your personal and financial interests.  I suggest to talk to an attorney and learn what's available in your state (you should at least get a free consultation with an attorney in your area and many local/state bar associations offer a pro bono legal services hotline). 

    It seems like you are heavily invested in your FI being the "One," so these documents can legally solidify what you intend to do by marriage. If there's no such agreement and someone dies, becomes incapacitated, or wants to break up, then you could have a legal mess.

    Sunday, May 18, 2014 - Baltimore, Maryland

    "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever" - Audre Lorde

  • @misstira she had the nerve to call me today and let's say she got a few choice words and I don't think I will be hearing from her for awhile. The nerve of some people. @LeciaB those heffas are so rude I was going say something really mean when they tried to come at you about the aspirin thing. I was like No these chicks didn't. I mean the girl was trying to be nice. I saw nothing at all wrong with the BM gift. @minsu5 thanks so much but we got all those things covered before our son was born. 
  • OH MAN!!!! as I was reading this, i sure was saying where @misstira at. She can relate all too well on the pushing back, pushing forward of dates. I'm sorry to hear about your scholarships!!! that's a bummer! But i'm glad to see you taking it all in stride. Unfortunately sometimes life happens in the middle of wedding planning and if it's not for the moment doesn't mean it's not meant to be. The whole time i was reading this, my mouth was wide open! Who's the messy person that's all in your finances like that? she know she wrong. I'm mad at that person for you! I wouldn't even mention the finances to family/friends. Just say that you guys have way too much going on with the baby, the business, and the job/scholarship situation.
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  • minsu5minsu5 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @drmass2013 - *high five* then do what you gotta do.

    Sunday, May 18, 2014 - Baltimore, Maryland

    "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever" - Audre Lorde

  • All I can say is that while we don't understand why things happen at times God has us right where he wants us to be.  All on His time which as we know is always right on time.   Hang in there drmass!  *HUGS*



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



  • Thanks so much ladies!! After I thought about it yesterday I'm really glad we pushed it back because I realized I have like 20 articles I haven't read for my dissertation because I've been going wedding crazy!! @island07b2b you're exactly right and we will continue to trust in Him, he wouldn't have brought us this far to turn around now. Thanks so much for the hugs. 
  • i pushed my date back its ok 
    you have to do waht is best for you and your family *you him and baby* 
    everyone else can kick rocks with bare feets.... *yes feets* 

    "Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History" ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich~
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