Luxury Weddings

When people comment on the price of your wedding...

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Re: When people comment on the price of your wedding...

  • I get a lot of "if its ok to ask how much are you paying for X?" I feel pressured to answer and then justify the expense as if, if I don't it will sound much worse or like I'm hiding a much bigger amount then they were imagining. I would not have called my wedding luxury until reading what some others have defined it as.  (I thought/still think of myself as a budget bride) but I guess now I see why I keep getting the questions. :/
  • LoredLored
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    It's funny, I would NEVER have the balls to ask someone how much they're paying, but several people have already asked me flat out what our budget for the wedding is. These people aren't even close to us or would be invited. Just rude "friends of friends" or work friends. Honestly, I would never ask someone that. I just sort of ignore it. These same people ask how many carats my ring is. I also find that always startling and very rude. Who cares? The reality is that everyone is on a budget, the amounts are just different. In the end, who really gives a sh*t?
    chaiteachick
  • akaneliakaneli
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    member
    edited June 2013
    @Lored YES! I had someone grab my hand at a party, hold it up to their face and inspect it while asking how much it was! You are so right about budgets everyone has one, the "limit" is just different for each couple. (Well I guess I should say ALMOST everyone because I guess some people don't have limits) this is why I Think of myself as a "budget bride." Though I have been told otherwise
  • LoredLored
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    Akaneli, yup. Ahhhh, I'll just daydream about my no budget wedding!! Haha. Ok, instead I'll just think of my sweetie, I think people forget about the actual wedding part.
    chaiteachick
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    It's interesting because I actually didn't have a budget. I just used common sense when I thought things seemed unreasonable and created my own imaginary line. I realize I'm very fortunate to be in that position, but I do think it's possible to be reasonable and rational even when not constrained with a dollar amount. I think some people get wrapped around the axl and stress over finding things that "fit within budget" but I found that even going into planning without a number in mind, I found some VERY nice things for a VERY reasonable cost. There were even a few instances where I just flat out refused to spend money on things that seemed ridiculous, even if it was something extremely reasonable in price. And, as with everything in life, it's true that "budget" means something different to everyone. Same with how everyone has a different idea of what a wedding and/or marriage should be.

     







    chaiteachick
  • There were even a few instances where I just flat out refused to spend money on things that seemed ridiculous, even if it was something extremely reasonable in price. 
    For me, that was programs. We are having a 10 minute ceremony. I was trying to put the text together for one and called my fiance and said, this is just not worth our time and money. Doing one just to do one is just ridiculous to me even though it wouldn't be that much money. The line has to be drawn somewhere.
  • We've been asked a few times what our budget was, and I've always somehow been able to avoid answering -- though I did tell my MOH, but she and I are very similar in our financial situations so I know she wouldn't give me grief.

    But I totally agree with PP's about feeling guilty about sharing wedding details on TK, even if I don't mention any sort of price associated with it. So, I just keep that all to myself -- but it sucks because then I can't share in joy of talking about details with others.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    AmJam04 said:
    We've been asked a few times what our budget was, and I've always somehow been able to avoid answering -- though I did tell my MOH, but she and I are very similar in our financial situations so I know she wouldn't give me grief.

    But I totally agree with PP's about feeling guilty about sharing wedding details on TK, even if I don't mention any sort of price associated with it. So, I just keep that all to myself -- but it sucks because then I can't share in joy of talking about details with others.

    That's exactl how I felt on here when planning my first wedding. I would most of the time just respond to neutral posts,  but sometimes when I actually responded to WR posts, I got my a$$ handed to me/ All I really wanted to do was share and do what everyone else on here was doing. I was pretty young, so I made the mistake of letting my immaturity come out and I'd fight  back. I had such a small wedding (at least size wise) this time around, but want to contribute here because there was no such place back in 2003 when I was planning and I'd love to be able to help out now.

     







    chaiteachick
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I haven't had anyone ask me what we're spending on the wedding yet, but I've had plenty of people ask me how many carats my ring is or how much it cost. Even a cashier ringing me up at a pet store asked me. How does someone even think that is ok, especially when you don't know me and I'm standing in line with a bunch of strangers? Nothing like pointing it out and trying to get me mugged in the parking lot. LOL
    image
    chaiteachick
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I have had several people ask how many carats my ring is. A few have taken it so far to say,"did your H's parents help pay for it?" or "I hope he didnt take out a loan for that!" Um, no. He is an adult and paid for it in cash.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    chaiteachick
  • We don't talk about wedding expenses to anyone but each other, but have been asked point blank by a friend that has zero filter. I responded the same way I responded when she asked about the carat size of my ring, which was to say "why do you want to know?". That tends to shut people up pretty quickly. She's a character, however, and I had to follow up with "that's personal information that we don't feel comfortable sharing." 
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    KatWAG said:
    I have had several people ask how many carats my ring is. A few have taken it so far to say,"did your H's parents help pay for it?" or "I hope he didnt take out a loan for that!" Um, no. He is an adult and paid for it in cash.

    Nobody would ever say that to me, but if they ever dared they would seriously be in for a smackdown. I can't believe how rude people are. Sometimes I think people need to convince themselves that anyone who can afford nice things must have had help from someone because it makes them feel better about themselves. Like "oh yeah she has a bigger ring than I do, but her parents helped pay for it. If my parents helped pay for mine it would be bigger too." It's hard for people to believe that people can work hard and make good money especially when they may not be in the same situation.
    image
    chaiteachick
  • HA! That happened to me as well, except she also started to complain about how her own ring was so small! I didn't even know how to respond to that. I think I said something like "it's not the size that matters, it's a symbol of his love for you!" haha. It was so awkward!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    chaiteachick
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    The thing I hate the most is when people just outright grab my hand to look at my ring without even asking to see it (these are usually people I know.) Or, a lot of times, when I'm speaking with someone, they don't look me in the eyes, but rather at my hand, as I use my hands a lot when speaking. LOL I don't know, I don't think that the diamond in my ring is that big, especially when there are people out there with 10-20 carats on their fingers, but maybe I'm just being naive?

     







  • There will always be people that don't have the courtesy filter and are ridiculously nosey. When I get asked how much the wedding is going to cost, I just answer with "too much". They don't need to know the details.  It's usually coming from the same women that would ask me each month how much weight I had gained while I was pregnant.
    [Deleted User]
  • Well, dang! Now I want to know how many carats everyone has!!! xD (LOL--joke! ;) )
    MayberryAfterMidnight
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Well, dang! Now I want to know how many carats everyone has!!! xD (LOL--joke! ;) )

    It's 100 carats and my wedding cost $1B! DUH!!!! ;)

     







    chaiteachick
  • I didn't have a "luxury" wedding by most standards, but based on typical weddings in my circle/family, my wedding was considered to be "fancy".  I was the first of my cousins not to get married in a VFW/American Legion-type hall.  I was also the first to serve a plated dinner with assigned tables, rather than a buffet with long tables and open seating.  I have absolutely no problem with the kinds of weddings my cousins had, but it just wasn't what I wanted.  I know that some of my family members judged me for having a more expensive wedding and thought it was a waste to spend that much on one day.  It was frustrating to deal with this, and it's annoying that anyone would even care how I spend my money.
    chaiteachick
  • Well, dang! Now I want to know how many carats everyone has!!! xD (LOL--joke! ;) )

    It's 100 carats and my wedding cost $1B! DUH!!!! ;)

    xD!
  • I love this board! So glad I found it! But yes I completely understand. I feel like ppl kind of knock you down for planning your dream wedding. It's like if you can afford it or have help then why the heck not!?! Lol. My own MOH is giving me problems about money.. She is complaining about her $180 dollar dress and its like omg. That is really not bad. I wanted something different, but I took all my bms into consideration. Im even planning on having their hair and make up done on top of my gifts to them. 

    Then, whenever someone ask how much something is, their like omg, I would NEVER pay that for it. Well, then dont ask. I dont think anyone really knows my exact budget just due to the fact, I dont think they will have anything nice to say. But they sure will be enjoying the open bar and delicious food! Lol. 
  • I love this board! So glad I found it! But yes I completely understand. I feel like ppl kind of knock you down for planning your dream wedding. It's like if you can afford it or have help then why the heck not!?! Lol. My own MOH is giving me problems about money.. She is complaining about her $180 dollar dress and its like omg. That is really not bad. I wanted something different, but I took all my bms into consideration. Im even planning on having their hair and make up done on top of my gifts to them. 

    Then, whenever someone ask how much something is, their like omg, I would NEVER pay that for it. Well, then dont ask. I dont think anyone really knows my exact budget just due to the fact, I dont think they will have anything nice to say. But they sure will be enjoying the open bar and delicious food! Lol. 
    If your BM is complaining about the cost of the dress, you should pay for it.  I'm personally of the opinion that if you can afford a "luxury wedding" you should be taking care of your attendants attire.  And hair and make-up too, as it's certainly no "gift" to them.
    I don't think you automatically have to pay for your addendants' attire just because you're having a "luxury wedding."  HOWEVER, in this case I think AlmostaMrs should absolutely pay for her MOH's dress.  To say that $180 "isn't even that bad," is somewhat insulting.  While $180 may not be a lot of money to you, it is absolutely a lot of money to a lot of people.  Just because you can afford a luxury wedding doesn't mean that your BMs can afford the same luxuries.  That is why you should always speak to your BMs individually about what their budget is for the dress.  If you wanted something over budget, then you should have either covered the difference or just picked up the entire tab.

    Aside from it being rather presumptuous to assume that $180 is not that much money for someone, there's also the possibility that your MOH can afford it but just isn't comfortable paying that much money for a dress she didn't pick out and won't wear again.  Just because I can afford to buy or do something doesn't mean I want to.  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    [Deleted User]southernbelle0915ericandmarie
  • @Sleeper2013 you make a really good point.  I just felt that other parts of her post had to be commented on.  Regardless of a wedding being luxury of not, it's rude to not ask your BMs for a budget and stick to it.  Having a "luxury" wedding and forcing your BMs to buy expensive dresses out of their budget makes it even ruder.

    PS-I loved your post.  I wish these things were public!
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    [Deleted User]
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    NYCBruin said:
    I love this board! So glad I found it! But yes I completely understand. I feel like ppl kind of knock you down for planning your dream wedding. It's like if you can afford it or have help then why the heck not!?! Lol. My own MOH is giving me problems about money.. She is complaining about her $180 dollar dress and its like omg. That is really not bad. I wanted something different, but I took all my bms into consideration. Im even planning on having their hair and make up done on top of my gifts to them. 

    Then, whenever someone ask how much something is, their like omg, I would NEVER pay that for it. Well, then dont ask. I dont think anyone really knows my exact budget just due to the fact, I dont think they will have anything nice to say. But they sure will be enjoying the open bar and delicious food! Lol. 
    If your BM is complaining about the cost of the dress, you should pay for it.  I'm personally of the opinion that if you can afford a "luxury wedding" you should be taking care of your attendants attire.  And hair and make-up too, as it's certainly no "gift" to them.
    I don't think you automatically have to pay for your addendants' attire just because you're having a "luxury wedding."  HOWEVER, in this case I think AlmostaMrs should absolutely pay for her MOH's dress.  To say that $180 "isn't even that bad," is somewhat insulting.  While $180 may not be a lot of money to you, it is absolutely a lot of money to a lot of people.  Just because you can afford a luxury wedding doesn't mean that your BMs can afford the same luxuries.  That is why you should always speak to your BMs individually about what their budget is for the dress.  If you wanted something over budget, then you should have either covered the difference or just picked up the entire tab.

    Aside from it being rather presumptuous to assume that $180 is not that much money for someone, there's also the possibility that your MOH can afford it but just isn't comfortable paying that much money for a dress she didn't pick out and won't wear again.  Just because I can afford to buy or do something doesn't mean I want to.  

    I think that no matter your wedding budget, be it $5,000 or $500,000, if you're asking your attendants to wear something specific chosen ultimately by you, that you should be the ones to pay for it.  So you're right, it shouldn't be contingent on whether your wedding is luxury or not.  However, luxury has been defined by many on this board as taking special care of your guests, and paying for your attendants attire is just that, taking special care of your most honored guests.
    I agree as well. I paid for everything for my attendants because it was the right thing to do because I wanted things to be a certain way. I did let the BMs pick out the dresses, though, and I did let them pick out which hair styles they wanted and if they wanted make up or not. I also paid for their hotel accommodations as they had to travel to attend the wedding. I think this would be true for any wedding budget as they are doing you a favor. If they feel strongly about paying themselves, then of course, that could be worked out as well.

     







    [Deleted User]
  • As a guest I will never ask how much a bride choses to spend for my lovely meal or entertainment at a reception. Who are theses rude people. Plan your elegant wedding how YOU want. My wedding will be beautiful and my guest don't need to know the price tag. They just need to have fun. Good luck with the questions as they come.
  • I love this board! So glad I found it! But yes I completely understand. I feel like ppl kind of knock you down for planning your dream wedding. It's like if you can afford it or have help then why the heck not!?! Lol. My own MOH is giving me problems about money.. She is complaining about her $180 dollar dress and its like omg. That is really not bad. I wanted something different, but I took all my bms into consideration. Im even planning on having their hair and make up done on top of my gifts to them. 

    Then, whenever someone ask how much something is, their like omg, I would NEVER pay that for it. Well, then dont ask. I dont think anyone really knows my exact budget just due to the fact, I dont think they will have anything nice to say. But they sure will be enjoying the open bar and delicious food! Lol. 
    If your BM is complaining about the cost of the dress, you should pay for it.  I'm personally of the opinion that if you can afford a "luxury wedding" you should be taking care of your attendants attire.  And hair and make-up too, as it's certainly no "gift" to them.
    My BM is well off in money. I did take all budgets into consideration. She was going through a rough time and was just having one of those days. We talked. I asked her if she needed help with it and she said no. My gift is to them is something other than hair and make up. It's just a nice gesture I wanted to do for them as well. Some even declined saying they can pay on their own. I wouldnt ask someone to pay something out of their means. So, I do talk to them and we figure things out together. Im covering their whole weekend costs as well. Im not asking them for much. 
  • i did speak with her, her limit was 200, she was just going through personal stuff, but she aplogized and now we are back on track. I talked to all the girls with what they are comfortable with. They came back with 200. But for a few days she did complain but we had lunch and now were fine. 
    NYCBruin said:
    I love this board! So glad I found it! But yes I completely understand. I feel like ppl kind of knock you down for planning your dream wedding. It's like if you can afford it or have help then why the heck not!?! Lol. My own MOH is giving me problems about money.. She is complaining about her $180 dollar dress and its like omg. That is really not bad. I wanted something different, but I took all my bms into consideration. Im even planning on having their hair and make up done on top of my gifts to them. 

    Then, whenever someone ask how much something is, their like omg, I would NEVER pay that for it. Well, then dont ask. I dont think anyone really knows my exact budget just due to the fact, I dont think they will have anything nice to say. But they sure will be enjoying the open bar and delicious food! Lol. 
    If your BM is complaining about the cost of the dress, you should pay for it.  I'm personally of the opinion that if you can afford a "luxury wedding" you should be taking care of your attendants attire.  And hair and make-up too, as it's certainly no "gift" to them.
    I don't think you automatically have to pay for your addendants' attire just because you're having a "luxury wedding."  HOWEVER, in this case I think AlmostaMrs should absolutely pay for her MOH's dress.  To say that $180 "isn't even that bad," is somewhat insulting.  While $180 may not be a lot of money to you, it is absolutely a lot of money to a lot of people.  Just because you can afford a luxury wedding doesn't mean that your BMs can afford the same luxuries.  That is why you should always speak to your BMs individually about what their budget is for the dress.  If you wanted something over budget, then you should have either covered the difference or just picked up the entire tab.

    Aside from it being rather presumptuous to assume that $180 is not that much money for someone, there's also the possibility that your MOH can afford it but just isn't comfortable paying that much money for a dress she didn't pick out and won't wear again.  Just because I can afford to buy or do something doesn't mean I want to.  
    i did speak with her, her limit was 200, she was just going through personal stuff, but she aplogized and now we are back on track. I talked to all the girls with what they are comfortable with. They came back with 200. But for a few days she did complain but we had lunch and now were fine. And they did have a huge say so in the dresses. Point being I would never be upset at a girl who cant afford a dress. I get upset when one day she agrees on the price and a few days later its a problem. That what bothered me a little. But like I said, its fine now. She told me what was going on in her life and she took it out on people she shouldnt have. We both apologized and now its in the past. Its was just a bump in the road that I came to vent about on here. 
  • NYCBruin said:
    @Sleeper2013 you make a really good point.  I just felt that other parts of her post had to be commented on.  Regardless of a wedding being luxury of not, it's rude to not ask your BMs for a budget and stick to it.  Having a "luxury" wedding and forcing your BMs to buy expensive dresses out of their budget makes it even ruder.

    PS-I loved your post.  I wish these things were public!
    We did talk budgets. Of course I didnt force anything on anyone. Please dont assume anything. Our deal was 200 and 180 was what it came out to. I already explained what happened in previous post between us. 
  • IMHO I think before you start judging, you should really have your facts straight. You had no idea what my Bms and I talked about money concerning their dresses and you went ahead and ASSUMED i pushed some absurd amount of money on them. I have a very good support system and communication with these girls.

    So, I already know after some of you ladies who commented on my post are going to say things like "im to defensive" or "im rude either way"  and just say i dont have to waste anymore of my time explainging myself. I'll just say it now think and say whatever you want to. 

    My first post was just to join in and vent about a bad day and some of you ladies made it look as if I decided to say here is this dress you HAVE to wear and pay for when you cant even afford it. I appreciate the advice. But the norm from where I live is when accepting to be in a wedding party it comes with responsibitlites. i been in plenty of my bms weddings and easily dropped 300 on a dress, 100 for shoes, and hair and make up. My group of girls are very close. We talk to eachother to make sure we are all comfortable. But, there is times, just like any normal person, they have a bad day and decide they dont want to pay 180 for the dress, but they get over it and its done. 


  • IMHO I think before you start judging, you should really have your facts straight. You had no idea what my Bms and I talked about money concerning their dresses and you went ahead and ASSUMED i pushed some absurd amount of money on them. I have a very good support system and communication with these girls.

    So, I already know after some of you ladies who commented on my post are going to say things like "im to defensive" or "im rude either way"  and just say i dont have to waste anymore of my time explainging myself. I'll just say it now think and say whatever you want to. 

    My first post was just to join in and vent about a bad day and some of you ladies made it look as if I decided to say here is this dress you HAVE to wear and pay for when you cant even afford it. I appreciate the advice. But the norm from where I live is when accepting to be in a wedding party it comes with responsibitlites. i been in plenty of my bms weddings and easily dropped 300 on a dress, 100 for shoes, and hair and make up. My group of girls are very close. We talk to eachother to make sure we are all comfortable. But, there is times, just like any normal person, they have a bad day and decide they dont want to pay 180 for the dress, but they get over it and its done. 


    *hugs*
    AlmostaMrs12
  • I also think it is a mix. People are prob just genuinely curios because weddings vary so much. Many of the brides may be jealous . You get to have your perfect dream wedding and they may have had to cut somethings out because of budget .Unless their is a close relationship i do not think that it is any of their business to bring up money.
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