Does the bride EXPECT gifts from bridesmaids?

Mrw218

So along the lines of this post.....I'm a bridesmaid. I was ok w all the costs except bachelorette is getting a little ridiculous and I wasn't expecting to spend so much on wedding hotel but I guess that was naive on my part so now I'm getting nervous about cash and that I grossly overspent for gifts. I spent 215 on the dress, 70 on shoes, 45 on jewelry, 400 min on bachelorette, 500 for hotel for wedding, 80 ish dollars to get hair done and 200 on bridal shower gift. Was it stupid for me to spend that much onbridal shower gift? She is a very good friend of mine. Are u supposed to spend more on wedding gift than bridal shower gift like is that stupid for me to buy a cheaper wedding gift? Am I wrong about the custom that you are supposed to at least give enough money to cover your plate at the reception? My Fiancé is claiming I was only supposed to give maybe a 50 dollar gift at bridal shower and wedding is where you give the big present like 300 dollars or something.

Kate61487

Mrw218 said:

So along the lines of this post.....I'm a bridesmaid. I was ok w all the costs except bachelorette is getting a little ridiculous and I wasn't expecting to spend so much on wedding hotel but I guess that was naive on my part so now I'm getting nervous about cash and that I grossly overspent for gifts. I spent 215 on the dress, 70 on shoes, 45 on jewelry, 400 min on bachelorette, 500 for hotel for wedding, 80 ish dollars to get hair done and 200 on bridal shower gift. Was it stupid for me to spend that much onbridal shower gift? She is a very good friend of mine. Are u supposed to spend more on wedding gift than bridal shower gift like is that stupid for me to buy a cheaper wedding gift? Am I wrong about the custom that you are supposed to at least give enough money to cover your plate at the reception? My Fiancé is claiming I was only supposed to give maybe a 50 dollar gift at bridal shower and wedding is where you give the big present like 300 dollars or something.

I always give about $50 for the shower and $100 for the wedding.  That seems pretty typical among my friends and family* - but I know in some regions that would be considered really cheap (though you never have to give a gift, at all, so you should always give what you're comfortable with regardless of what's "typical")

If the costs are getting to you you're totally within etiquette to give NO gift at the wedding (though a card would definitely be nice).  You can certainly give a cheaper wedding gift.  If the bride made you buy shoes, jewelry, and your hair done (which she should have paid for if she required it) then I'd definitely consider skipping a gift altogether. 

And the cover your plate thing is at best outdated and at worst never a real thing.  You have no obligation to give a gift based on how much the B&G decided to spend on their reception.

*ETA - and age range