Snarky Brides

What are the exceptions to do overs?

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Re: What are the exceptions to do overs?

  • sdg2502 said:
    I'm in the UK so it isn't a matter of travelling from a state that doesn't have equal marriage to one that does. Instead, we just looked at the huge variety of destinations we would love to travel to for our wedding. During our research we realised that there were very few that would enable us to have a legal ceremony, both because of their legislation and our home countries. We decided on Vegas after toying with the idea of Ibiza. The same sex marriage fact aside, what we're doing isn't too uncommon for a UK couple. If we were a straight couple, getting married in Spain (like our initial Ibiza idea) we wouldn't be able to have a legal ceremony there unless one of us were a Spanish resident. The requirement is that the paperwork is done at a registry office either just before or just after.

    I guess I still don't get why you would travel to another country and pick a state that doesn't allow same sex marriage. 
  • sxyktn812 said:
    I would say that my other exception to the two ceremony thing is hosting for two cultures in two countries- I know a couple where he is Indian and she is from the US.  They had two weddings, a traditional American one here (white dress and all) and then an Indian ceremony a few weeks later (different wedding party, wearing saris, etc.).  Both were large events and they hosted a reception in each country.  I didn't think this counted as a PPD in my opinion.  Anyone else?  

    I had a co worker who did this. They had THREE weddings. One somewhere I have no idea to be honest, I had just started when this happened. One in some state on the east coast for his family, and one in China for her family. Everyone knew about the others. Their families wanted this so they obliged. She had a regular American White dress and a dress specific to traditional China weddings. No one at all side eyed it, well at least the people we work with, and everyone loved the pics. I thought it was kind of cool actually.

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  • @stagemanager14 I must be in the minority with you. H and I don't dance with each other either. So if we had a postponed reception even 15 years later, it probably still would have been our first dance.
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  • The dying parent senarios break my heart :( I can see their reasoning for wanting to legally get married at the parent's bedside, but no matter the situation I just would feel odd getting "married" when I was already married. I don't see anything wrong with them deciding to still throw the reception and celebrate with everyone.

    I don't have a problem with vow renewals if it's for something monumental, not just an annual thing.

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  • I don't see the big deal about do-overs if you aren't asking for gifts AND let people know the situation. IDGAF what other people do in their lives as long as it isn't affecting me. It's a themed party as far as I'm concerned. At least for the folks that do it like right away again or within a few years. I don't understand the deal with people having huge parties at 5 years. Big woo.

    Now, for the really big milestones, I think it's sweet, especially if it's a big deal to the couple for religious reasons. My grandparents (dad's parents) had a complete religious ceremony plus reception for their 50th. It was in the Philippines, and they have the whole separate civil and religious set up, so my grandparents basically had a vow renewal/blessing ceremony. It was really amazing to be there for it, and the reception was a blast and had a ton of traditional Filipino dancing. 
  • I don't see the big deal about do-overs if you aren't asking for gifts AND let people know the situation. IDGAF what other people do in their lives as long as it isn't affecting me. It's a themed party as far as I'm concerned. At least for the folks that do it like right away again or within a few years. I don't understand the deal with people having huge parties at 5 years. Big woo.

    Now, for the really big milestones, I think it's sweet, especially if it's a big deal to the couple for religious reasons. My grandparents (dad's parents) had a complete religious ceremony plus reception for their 50th. It was in the Philippines, and they have the whole separate civil and religious set up, so my grandparents basically had a vow renewal/blessing ceremony. It was really amazing to be there for it, and the reception was a blast and had a ton of traditional Filipino dancing. 
    What you are talking about isn't what 90% of the 'brides' wanting to do do-overs are attempting.  They are shooting for the whole shebang. Gifts, parties, guests digging into their pockets left and right.  That's what the ladies on these boards are so against.  The moment you are taking advantage of people in order to 'feel special', is the moment that someone needs to just look at you and say "you're kidding, right?".  We try to be that moment.
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  • @Peledreamsofrain Okay cool. I figured that might be the case hence my first sentence. If I'm invited to a do-over, I'd totally be down for the party but wouldn't bring a gift. Do people also have showers all over again when they have re-do's? That's messed up if so.
  • @Peledreamsofrain Okay cool. I figured that might be the case hence my first sentence. If I'm invited to a do-over, I'd totally be down for the party but wouldn't bring a gift. Do people also have showers all over again when they have re-do's? That's messed up if so.
    Yes, yes they do.  It's hideously rude.  I blame reality TV for the rise in it's popularity.  It lowers the bar for everyone.
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  • There aren't any.

    As sad as it is to have a dying loved one, or as difficult as it is to have an impending military deployment, those occasions don't justify lying and/or pretending that the legal ceremony didn't happen or doesn't count as your "wedding."  Sometimes life offers lemons.  Adults accept that and don't pretend that an occasion where you dress up as a bride and groom but aren't getting married because you're already married to each other is a wedding.  You can still have a celebration later, but it won't be a "wedding reception" and shouldn't have wedding elements. That doesn't mean it won't be joyous and worth celebrating in its own way.
  • I just don't get why people lie about it.. why can't they tell people "hey, we eloped, but we're having a do-over next month" maybe because they know the do over will be tacky and side-eyed.. I vote vow renewal : ) even if you wear a white dress, just don't lie to loved ones. 
  • I'd still side-eye any do-over, but I'd be less judgy if it was something out of the couple's control (ie, sick parent) vs just being a spoiled brat (ie, doing a JOP first for no good reason, and still wanting a PPD later).

    In any situation though, lying about it would catapult me from side-eyeing it, to being majorly pissed off.
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  • TBH, I don't care if someone has a do over. Just don't lie about it. I don't think a do over should have a WP or pre-wedding parties - I would side-eye those. Just the ceremony and party, even with the big poofy white dress? I'll go and eat cake and dance my booty off.
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  • Well... something just puzzled me. A former coworker (I'm friends with her on facebook so saw all the evidence) just had a civil ceremony in our city with a few family members present, then a destination wedding (not a religious ceremony!) with a larger group (maybe 20 tops) and now.... pictures have shown up for a hometown reception in which she wore her big poufy dress for the second time. 

    I believe the civil ceremony was necessary as our state wouldn't recognize the marriage in the tropical destination, but I could be wrong. Something just seems "off" to me, having three separate events.  

    Sometimes I just wonder if the happy couple's families are either a) selfish or b) not equipped to travel for a wedding but too important to leave out of festivities- and that's where the do-overs come from. Lack of money or mobility is one thing, totally understandable.   One egregious case of do-over I saw was where the shy bride desperately wanted a small, country wedding in her home state but the groom's family had more city-type, traditional expectations.  Nearly nobody from the groom's side traveled south for the actual wedding (despite their financial security and perfect health) and the couple was basically forced to have a reception up here to please the groom's family.  That was just selfish on the part of the groom's family.  My point? A "do-over" may not be because the B&G wanted it but a way to appease influential family.  Doesn't make it right but makes me more sympathetic.  
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  • Well... something just puzzled me. A former coworker (I'm friends with her on facebook so saw all the evidence) just had a civil ceremony in our city with a few family members present, then a destination wedding (not a religious ceremony!) with a larger group (maybe 20 tops) and now.... pictures have shown up for a hometown reception in which she wore her big poufy dress for the second time. 

    I believe the civil ceremony was necessary as our state wouldn't recognize the marriage in the tropical destination, but I could be wrong. Something just seems "off" to me, having three separate events.  

    Sometimes I just wonder if the happy couple's families are either a) selfish or b) not equipped to travel for a wedding but too important to leave out of festivities- and that's where the do-overs come from. Lack of money or mobility is one thing, totally understandable.   One egregious case of do-over I saw was where the shy bride desperately wanted a small, country wedding in her home state but the groom's family had more city-type, traditional expectations.  Nearly nobody from the groom's side traveled south for the actual wedding (despite their financial security and perfect health) and the couple was basically forced to have a reception up here to please the groom's family.  That was just selfish on the part of the groom's family.  My point? A "do-over" may not be because the B&G wanted it but a way to appease influential family.  Doesn't make it right but makes me more sympathetic.  
    I'm sorry, but if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to say No to Mommy and Daddy.
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  • I don't agree with the military exception.  Granted, I'm not military so maybe I can't speak but I have a friend whose husband is a marine.  He asked her to marry him and they got married 10 days later so they could move together to where he was stationed and then he was deployed about three months later!  It was a gorgeous wedding, I saw the pictures.  She wore a regular bridal gown (bought off the rack), they had a gorgeous cake and cupcakes (desert reception), they had friends there, it was outside - not a courthouse/JOP wedding, they found a photographer and have some wonderful pro pics.

    It was gorgeous and planned in just ten days.  I'm just saying, it is possible to have an absolutely beautiful wedding planned in just a few days if you really don't want a courthouse/JOP wedding.  (Note: I am NOT saying anything bad about courthouse/JOP weddings or trying to cast them in a negative light.  I'm just saying that because I know from the posts I've read that often the reason for a PPD is they want a bigger celebration/to-do than a JOP/courthouse wedding usually is.)
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