Mom wants to come to bachelorette!?

danielle1009

My mom doesn't quite get the bachelorette party thing and says she wants to come.  When I told her it's not really a 'mom' thing...she started to cry!  My mom is fun and all, but I'm not sure that she can hack it for these types of festivities...help?!

wittykitty14

Well crap, a very similar thing happened to me on Saturday!  My SIL (a bridesmaid), my mom and I brought up the bachelorette party that my MOH is scheming.  It's going to be a very low-key thing, probably games and a good time with bridesmaids (I hope).  My mom asked if she was invited.  I was taken off-guard, and was kinda like "well.....I wasn't planning on it".  Then she and my SIL flipped (SIL did more of the flipping) saying that "every member of the WP should be at the bachelorette!".  I don't really consider my mom to be a member of the WP.  I was lucky the conversation was short, but I felt horrible.  So, I get where you're coming from!

I was going to ask about this topic on here too, given my situation.  But generally, I don't think you have to invite her if you'd rather not have her there.  My understanding was that it's primarly the Bridesmaids, and whoever else the bride wants to invite.  I could be way off though.  I'm not entirely sure what etiquette dictates, tbh.

I guess I don't think you should feel obligated to invite her, but it would be a nice gesture.  Good luck!

AddieCake

What kind of bachelorette party are you having? If it's going to be what you think is too wild and crazy for her, maybe spell out for her a little of what the night will look like, and then maybe she will see why you don't think it's the event for her. 

MairePoppy

My daughter's MOH invited me to her bp. Even though it was mom friendly, a tour of wineries,  I declined because I thought it would be nice for my daughter to have a day with her closest friends, without me tagging along. The moms who cried or flipped out are oversensitive and overreacting.

You should let your mom know what the festivities will involve, she may decide that it's not for her. Could you plan a mother/daughter date for the two of you so she knows that you appreciate her?  

Maggie0829

My Mom came to my bachelorette party but my party consisted of laying by the pool and going to Universal Studios for the day so I think it really depends on the festivities being planned.  Now if my party consisted of a few strippers and a shit ton of penis shaped items I don't think I would want my Mom there.

I would talk to your Mom and let her know what the night will consist of.  If it sounds too crazy to her she will most likely happily bail.

stantokm

I'm so glad that I didn't have this problem.  Talk with whoever is planning your bachelorette and see if it would work out to do something mom-friendly in the afternoon (wine-tasting, paint your own pottery, spa services, etc.) and then after dinner do something with just your girls.  We did that for mine (even though we didn't invite older ladies) and it gave my friends who have kids a way to celebrate with me without having to go bar hopping until 2am.

s-aries8990

A recent bachelorette party I went to started off with wine tasting, then we went to a pole dancing class, went back to their hotel room to freshen up, followed by dinner and bar hopping.

Her mom only attended the wine tasting. I feel like I'm going to have this problem.

I'd spell out what's going to happen and tell her you don't feel comfortable with her being there. My mom and I have an agreement that there are somethings that we find funny separately, but are totally uncomfortable laughing at together.

MissMolly

My Mom came to mine, but then, I'm not a young pup who enjoys the bar. We went wall climbing for mine.

OliveOilsMom

My mom and MIL came to the dinner portion of the b-party.  My niece also came, as she was a member of my BP.  But then the moms and niece went home and the rest went to a bar.  It was a nice mix and my mom was able to attend and I know my niece was happy to participate in a "grown-up" event, she was 9 at the time. 

Also, my BFF's mom and aunt came to my BFF's b party and stayed for the whole thing.  My friend did this knowing she requested penis everywhere!  She had penis antlers on her head, while she opened a gift of lingere after dinner, where she said "I can't hold this up my mom's here", which we then pointed out she had penises on her head!

So you should do what is comfortable for you.  Each person is different and each person's b party is different!

Gypsy79

I had a 2 parter. Dinner and light drinks for the first part for anyone who didn't want to hang, then we went to the casino. My mom and sister came for the first part then left.

CowgirlK39

Both my mom and MIL came to mine. It was supposed to be a night of fun dancing and a few drinks. However, we received word that my husband, who was having his bparty that nite elsewhere, had become ridiculously drunk. This prompted my MIL to go into freak-out-over-reaction mode, and about 2 hours into my bparty she collected the girls that she had driven and left. She was convinced my DH was dying. Luckily my mom just took the rest of us out for coffee and dessert which was even more fun than the dancing would have been.

So, my suggestion is to base your plans on how your mom is. If you think she will freaked out by you being a sloppy mess, or maybe she will complain about every damn thing, then make sure you make it clear to her that this is a "young ladies only" event. She is probably going to be upset regardless but she will hopefully get over it. Or do the two-part idea so that she can be included, and hopefully she will not be too mad that s can't join in part two.

theretamaragoes

If you have a really close, friendly, open relationship with your Mom-- then by all means!

My MOH is VERY close with her Mom.. And her Mom came to her Bachelorette. My friend was perfectly happy with this, and having her Mom there did not 'cramp her style' in the slightest. All the power to them! 

However, there's not a chance in HELL that *my* Mother will be coming to my Bachelorette! hahah!!

Jen4948

I agree with PPs: It does depend on your relationship with your mom and what kind of event is being planned for you.

If it's something you don't think she'd enjoy or don't want to invite her to, you might say, "Mom, I'm sorry, but it's just for us girls-no moms are invited.  But you and I could have some kind of get-together that would be fun at another time."

saric83

It's pretty normal in my circle of friends for moms to attend dinner, and then we bid them adieu and head out for the night without them.   Depending on what you're doing, perhaps that is an option.  Otherwise, if it works out with your schedule, do your mom/daughter date earlier that day with brunch or lunch. 

jenn5628

My bachelorette was totally a mother-daughter affair!  We went to a spa/resort and stayed in a cabin over night.  My mom was there, MOH and her mom, FMIL, a good friend of mine who used to be my principal and her daughter.  A few friends were supposed to come but were unable to. We had a great time catching up and drank lots and lots of wine!  My mom even bought my lingerie gift! 

FI's bachelor party was not so adult friendly!  He invited both of his brothers, and then was like 'do you think I have to invite my dad?'... FFIL would NOT have appreciated that kind of party!  I said, no, but maybe go out for a beer, just the two of you closer to the wedding. 

Last year my dad took my brother and some friends (another father/son combo) and others out for an impromptu bachelor party because brother's gm all lived out of town.  They even went to a strip club together!  

Totally depends on the relationship!

[Deleted User]

Meh, my mom will be coming to mine.  We'll be out drinking (although I don't drink much).  I couldn't really imagine it without her.

mybestfriendswedding15

As others have said, it depends on the type of party and your relationship with your mom.
I am throwing BFF's Bparty. I am the only BM that is an adult (2 are her daughters,2 are his). I'll be damned if her mom comes! I know this will be an issue for her, but I don't care. Her Gramma will want to come too. Just to make sure we behave ourselves.::Insert eye roll:: We are in our thirties and adults. It will be a night for all sorts of debauchery. I'm planning strippers, gambling, lots of alcohol, a pure romance party...things one does not do with their mommy! Even if it were something more civilized, like a wine tasting or a spa day, her mom wouldn't be invited. Her mom is demanding, whiny and just plain witchy to her. Her bparty should be for fun and relaxing. One last amazingly awesome girls night out.

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155

I am having this problem too. My mom expects to go and some of the her friends/ladies I have known all my life.

Honestly, I don't mind getting drinks and dinner with my mom, but one of my BM wants me to have a lingerie party.  I would be a little uncomfortable having my mom at that. Also, I think it might make some of the other girls uncomfortable. The problem is my mom will probably expect/want to go to that part of the party too.

I don't want to hurt her feelings. I do not know what to do. 

Also, my mom said since she is going, we have to invite my future MIL. I am sure she wants to see me open lingerie I will wear for her son.

MairePoppy

Run, this is a Zombie thread!

Lauderdale Pink

Not sure if you are still reading these responses, but I agree with poppy.  There are many mother/daughter days when planning a wedding and I enjoyed, selfishly, all of the one on ones I got with my daughter.  The bachelorette party is NOT for the moms, no matter what the plans are.  It is a day/night/weekend/ for the young women to get together one last time as just "girls".  As a mom who thinks she is still "the cool mom" it was hard to accept that I am not one of the "girls" because I don't see myself as the "old mom".  But to all the moms, we do not have a place at this one event.

Best of luck!

JLynG09

Thanks for the ideas y'all!  My cousin is plotting a bachelorette party that will involve strippers and I know for sure my mother and future MIL won't want to be there.  So I'm thinking when I go get my wedding nails and pedicure done, I'll see if they want to make it a date then.  Plus it'd be awkward having them there for sure.

ReginaLambert13

Even if it's not a cliche bacherlorette, it's still at your option if you want a night with just your girls.  (However for those who do want their moms there, go for it!!)  My mom and I are very close, we can talk about literally anything and I love hanging out with her, but that's one night I want to myself.  My plans are a bit more adult in nature (going to a nightclub and maybe something else-haven't realy decided yet), so that's part of it, but even if I was just having a simple dinner or some other quiet girls night I would still want that one night to be mom-free.  I would not want any for lack of a better term "adults" there.  It's a night for letting loose and just being with your friends prior to the big day.  Your mom will be there for all the other events prior to, so really I think this is one where you need to have a polite but firm conversation.  Tell her how much you love her and love spending time with her.  How much you love having her at all the other events, but that this one night is meant to be for just your friends.

Weddings are stressful for everyone which make people overreact, but if you stay calm and are very clear and don't waflle I think it's your best bet.  Good luck!!!!!

Majelin86

My mom, aunt (who I'm really close to) and my future mother-in-law were all invited to mine. My MOH and bridesmaids rented a limo, we drove to Toronto for a Blue Jays game, then they had a surprise shower for me (since only the groom's side had one for me....told my mom & bridesmaids I didn't want one which is why they never threw one for me ), we went out to a sportsbar for dinner (I'm not the fancy dinner type!), then to a pub type bar. We then (regretfully..since my mom was there) went to the male strippers (which I had NO idea we were doing....the only thing I knew about was the Jays game), which was a last-minute decision by one of my bridesmaids apparently. Luckily my future MIL had already left, but my aunt & mom were a little uncomfortable, but oh well - we can laugh about it at least!

So moral of the story - if you know your bachelorette party will not include anything wild or inappropriate (such as mine! haha) then it wouldn't hurt to invite your mom. If you think your friends might be up to something or if you don't know everything that's happening that night it might not be the best idea.

mollyjo0713

I saw someone post about a 2 part BP. I wasn't 21 yet when I was in my cousin's wedding and her BP was 2 parts. First part was dinner. Second part was a bunch of her close friends going out bar hopping. It still included her mom and close family members but still had her close friends for the rest of the night. If you don't want her at the BP, I liked those who mentioned doing some sort of mother/daughter outing!