What should I do about this difficult Bridesmaid? Please help!

cstarrit

My cousin is one of my bridesmaids and is being very difficult. She doesn't help with anything, doesn't answer my calls and texts, and doesn't seem to making any effort at all. It's not like I'm asking her to do much either. I'm asking the bare minimum of her, only stuff that requires her input. I even made an appointment for dress fittings three months in advance (after confirming the date with the girls of course to make sure it would work for all of them), and she turned around saying that she couldn't do it because it's too close to her birthday. Her birthday is two months after the appointment. I'm really sick of her attitude with all this. I want to just tell her its not working out, but I'm not sure if the family drama is worth it. I could really use some advice. 

wittykitty14

cstarrit said:

My cousin is one of my bridesmaids and is being very difficult. She doesn't help with anything, doesn't answer my calls and texts, and doesn't seem to making any effort at all. It's not like I'm asking her to do much either. I'm asking the bare minimum of her, only stuff that requires her input. I even made an appointment for dress fittings three months in advance (after confirming the date with the girls of course to make sure it would work for all of them), and she turned around saying that she couldn't do it because it's too close to her birthday. Her birthday is two months after the appointment. I'm really sick of her attitude with all this. I want to just tell her its not working out, but I'm not sure if the family drama is worth it. I could really use some advice. 

Just for our clarification, what are you asking her to do?  What things "require" her input?  Generally, bridesmaids are only supposed to show up to the wedding with the dress, that's it.  I don't want to make assumptions before I offer more advice.

Also, that is the worst excuse I've ever heard, really.  She actually said that?

MairePoppy

You should keep your appointment with the other bms. If your cousin can't make it that day, she can make an appointment for her fitting on a day that's convenient for her. 

You can't kick a bm out of your wedding party without looking like a bridezilla. I'm sure you don't want that.

cstarrit said:

My cousin is one of my bridesmaids and is being very difficult. She doesn't help with anything, doesn't answer my calls and texts, and doesn't seem to making any effort at all. It's not like I'm asking her to do much either. I'm asking the bare minimum of her, only stuff that requires her input. I even made an appointment for dress fittings three months in advance (after confirming the date with the girls of course to make sure it would work for all of them), and she turned around saying that she couldn't do it because it's too close to her birthday. Her birthday is two months after the appointment. I'm really sick of her attitude with all this. I want to just tell her its not working out, but I'm not sure if the family drama is worth it. I could really use some advice. 

cstarrit

Pretty much just bridesmaid dress, and stuff concerning the bachelorette party. Other than that absolutely nothing. She's not even trying to cooperate with me on those things either. 

cstarrit

Pretty much just bridesmaid dress, and stuff concerning the bachelorette party. Other than that absolutely nothing. She's not even trying to cooperate with me on those things either. 

And yes she did say that! I couldn't believe it either!

OliveOilsMom

cstarrit said:

Pretty much just bridesmaid dress, and stuff concerning the bachelorette party. Other than that absolutely nothing. She's not even trying to cooperate with me on those things either. 

And yes she did say that! I couldn't believe it either!

Ok.  So your BM doesn't have to do anything with the B-party, if she does not want to.  A b-party should not be planned by the bride, so you shouldn't have anything to say to her about it.  If someone else is planning it, just pass along the cousin's info and say to the coordinator that if she does not hear back from this BM, then to plan the entire event without her input, financially or otherwise.

As for the dress, let her deal with the alterations.  I have never had a bride organize our alterations for us.  I have always picked up my dress and done the alterations where I chose to get them done.  So stop worrying about her alterations.  If she doesn't get them done, it will look badly on her.

Just tell her the time and place she needs to show up to on the wedding day.

AddieCake

If she doesn't want to participate more, don't worry about it. Just tell her what dress she's supposed to get and let her handle her business. If she doesn't get around to it, she is choosing to taker herself out of the wedding.