I need some help, or ideas.

KittieMann

My fiancé and me have just came out about our engagement. My mom and me where throwing out different ideas on decorations, what would work etc.. I got a few dress catalogs, and found a few bridal party dresses I love. I live in Texas, will have my wedding in Texas and it will most likely be hot, so I want to do short dresses. My Sister saw me showing our mom what I wanted, and went on about how she cant wear that. (at least from what I could figure. Long story short, she had a stroke, lost her speech, and cant move well on her right side, and she has to wear a brace on her right leg. Also has to wear tennis shoes.) So she wants long dresses.

Well my problem is I don't want her in the bridal party, I have never been close to her, before and after her stroke. I wanted to have two of my cousins, as my bridal party, I have been close to them all my life. I expressed this fact to my mom and she told me I had to have her in my party because she will never have that chance again. At this moment I feel like its best I don't have a party on my side,(I am not sure my fiancé will have anyone standing with him yet) I don't want to include her because every time I turn around it becomes about her,( I cant even go to a doctor and my mom come in with me, with out my sister being talked about, half the time I don't know what's wrong with me because she goes n tries to figure out if what I might have is what my sister has/had.). We do not have a lot of people who will be asked to attend, as we do not know that many people. I really do not want to cause a family fight, but I do not know how to explain it to where they can see my point. Also it will be outside and might have uneven path, she can not walk very well on uneven ground. Also I want to maybe have (if I have one) the bridesmaids walk with candles.  I hope maybe some one can help me out on this.

AddieCake

I think you just have to be honest with your mom and tell her that since you are not close with your sister, you really don't want her to be in the wedding party.

bethsmiles

I agree with @Liatris2010 100%. YOU and you alone choose who is in your BP. My dad didn't have any of his brothers as groomsmen when him and my mom got married - he choose his best friend, the person he wanted not the person he felt obligated to choose.

That being said - don't let the candles/uneven ground thing influence who you choose either.

If you want you could include your sister in another way, such as having her do a reading.

calliopeia2013

KittieMann said:

My fiancé and me have just came out about our engagement. My mom and me where throwing out different ideas on decorations, what would work etc.. I got a few dress catalogs, and found a few bridal party dresses I love. I live in Texas, will have my wedding in Texas and it will most likely be hot, so I want to do short dresses. My Sister saw me showing our mom what I wanted, and went on about how she cant wear that. (at least from what I could figure. Long story short, she had a stroke, lost her speech, and cant move well on her right side, and she has to wear a brace on her right leg. Also has to wear tennis shoes.) So she wants long dresses.

Well my problem is I don't want her in the bridal party, I have never been close to her, before and after her stroke. I wanted to have two of my cousins, as my bridal party, I have been close to them all my life. I expressed this fact to my mom and she told me I had to have her in my party because she will never have that chance again. At this moment I feel like its best I don't have a party on my side,(I am not sure my fiancé will have anyone standing with him yet) I don't want to include her because every time I turn around it becomes about her,( I cant even go to a doctor and my mom come in with me, with out my sister being talked about, half the time I don't know what's wrong with me because she goes n tries to figure out if what I might have is what my sister has/had.). We do not have a lot of people who will be asked to attend, as we do not know that many people. I really do not want to cause a family fight, but I do not know how to explain it to where they can see my point. Also it will be outside and might have uneven path, she can not walk very well on uneven ground. Also I want to maybe have (if I have one) the bridesmaids walk with candles.  I hope maybe some one can help me out on this.

It sounds like you have some issues just in general when it comes to setting boundaries with your mom (given that she comes to doctor's appointments with you!), so usually I would tell you that your wedding is as good a time as any to start setting them, and to ignore her wishes and do whatever felt right to you.

That said, it sounds like your sister is in a really vulnerable place right now, given her health issues, and that she'll be really hurt if she's not asked.  (And, of course, all the reasons you give that she can't particiapte are things that would be completely easy to work around if you were really close and really wanted her there, but it's clear that you're just not that close, and they'll all sound like pretty shallow excuses if you put them that way.)  Given all of that, I think if I were in your shoes I would just not have a bridal party, as you've said you're considering.  It's not a perfect solution, but to me it sounds like the least bad one, you know?

KittieMann

bethsmiles: she can not talk all she can say at this point is like, ya, I don't know, and cause. That is her full vocabulary.

Retreadbride: I'm 23 it is a life threating disease and she told my fiancé that she needs to be there more than him, I did not know that until after my doctors appointment, he just told me that my mother needs to go and he has to do some work for his dad at the time.

On the candles a friend of my fiancé's dad is going to let us use his field might be those led candles you can get round christmas

Leighbie87: I hope you both the best, but she is a different person she just blows up on anything like, me saying something that my dad said he would do but didn't, or my mom not telling me something.  I guess I am worried that something will happen and I will be the one for the blame (it has happened a lot)

 

 

banana468

Go to your doctor now and say that your mother isn't to be present in your appointments or to have access to your medical records. If they go against this, it's a HUGE HIPPA violation.

You need to start telling her no. She may not like it but you need to be an independent adult.

Sierra524

I agree with PPs...you have a MOM problem. She does not get to dictate who is going to be in YOUR wedding party. If you are not close with your sister, she doesnt have to be a BM. Have you at all mentioned or given her the idea that she would be in the bridal party, or did she & your mom just assume that she would?

Also, I agree that you need to tell your doctor that your mother is not to know anything about your medical problems if you do not want her to.

& you really should talk to your potential bridesmaids about their budget before deciding on a bridesmaids dress (unless you plan on paying for it). Its best to give them guidelines (length, color, fabric) & let them decide on the dress they feel most comfortable in.