What should I do?

ktmeyers92

When I picked my 3 BMs, I asked for a budget and told them around what time they would need the money so they could prepare. I picked a dress that was half the budget that they gave me and asked if they were all ok with that dress (the style and the price) and they all agreed on it. I told them I would go with them for their fittings just it case something was wrong.

It is now the last week that they can order the dresses and get them in enough time before the wedding to have any alterations on it if needed. I have one girl who has not gone to get the dress. When I asked her about it she said she didn't have the money and wanted me to pay for it. My FI and I have a tight budget and we can't afford the extra. The dress is the only thing she has to buy. I told them they could wear any shoe they wanted so she could wear a pair she already has. What am I suppose to do about it?

bethsmiles

That's a tough situation. Could the two of you split the cost of the dress for right now and then she could pay you back later?

She could buy it late and just hope it doesn't need alterations I suppose.

Would you be okay with her wearing a different dress the day of the wedding if she can't get it together to buy this one?

MairePoppy

The only obligations a bm has are to buy the dress and show up on time for the ceremony. If she can't do that, then she has taken herself out of the wedding party. But still, you should be gracious about it. Tell her the important thing to you is that she is there to celebrate your wedding and if she isn't able to buy the dress, you hope she'll attend as a guest. You're under no obligation to help her with the cost of her dress.

ktmeyers92

We thought of all of those. My fiance and I tried rearranging our budget and everything but it doesn't work. We just don't have the extra money.

She has an odd body shape (not trying to be insulting) and her dress would most likely need alterations (which was added with the cost of the dress).

Her getting a different dress would cause problems with the other two girls who did get the dress and we don't want one to stand out from the other with a different dress.

HisGirlFriday13

If you can't afford to pay for it, and she can't afford to pay for it, and you're not OK with her wearing a different dress, then your only choice is really to just take her out of the wedding. Well, actually, she has taken herself out. A BM's only obligation is to buy the dress and show up on time. If she can't do that, she can't be a BM, as hard as that is for you. I'm sorry.

bethsmiles

I agree with the PPs. If none of the options I suggested work then it looks like she won't be a BM. I'd be honest with her and tell that you wish you could help her pay for the dress but you just can't and that if she can't find another way to pay for it you hope she will still attend as a guest.

Perhaps you could still have her get ready with you beforehand, be involved with any bachelorette party plans, any BM activities that don't involve being in the dress.

CowgirlK39

I had something similar happen. One BM was having issues with her personal life and even though I asked MONTHS in advance or dresses to be ordered by a certain time, she was the only one who did not. I was on the verge of accepting the fact that she was not going to be in the wedding, when she suddenly found a shop near her that she could order it from and was able to get it done.

Look into other ways to get the dress that may not take as long to get it once its ordered. Maybe if you even give her another month she can have the money. Talk to her about it and see if that works and if not, tell her you do not want this to be a burden and say you will still be thrilled if she is a guest.

bethsmiles

Just out of curiosity - how much is the dress?

ktmeyers92

The dress is $99, Only $50  was due now. She managed to get $40 and I put in $10 so she managed to get it. Thanks all for the advice.

bethsmiles

I'm glad it all worked out!

MairePoppy

That's great!