Paying for BM dresses

tammym1001

I have 1 MOH and 3 BM's in my wedding. We still have a few months before we need to start looking at dresses, but since I've asked them they have had some big changes in their lives. My MOH is now going through a divorce and 2 of my BM's are her teenage daughters. My other BM just found that she is pregnant and they definitely weren't planning it. I know they have a lot going on in their lives right now so I would like to offer to pay for their dresses. I don't know how to bring it up to them though. I feel like if I say something before we go shopping they will say no it's their responsibility to buy the dresses, but I don't want to spring it on them at the salon and make them feel weird though.

So how can I pay for their dresses without making them feel weird about it? I know it would help all of them out a lot, but they would tell me I don't need to.

manateehugger

Honestly, before you go shopping, I would just say, "Just so you ladies know, you don't need to worry about checking price tags. I'm very honored to have you be a part of our wedding, and I'd like to purchase the dresses for you. No objections!" They probably will say something about it being their responsibility, but just gently push back and say you'd like to do it. Don't mention the personal reasons you listed here (then you will make them feel bad about it). 

If they sneak off and buy it themselves, there is not much you can do about it. I don't think it's horribly uncommon for brides to pay for the dresses. I've had it happen before, but the bride was gently insistent and it all worked out just fine. It's very kind of you to consider their budgets and personal lives. 

itzMS

tammym1001 said:

I have 1 MOH and 3 BM's in my wedding. We still have a few months before we need to start looking at dresses, but since I've asked them they have had some big changes in their lives. My MOH is now going through a divorce and 2 of my BM's are her teenage daughters. My other BM just found that she is pregnant and they definitely weren't planning it. I know they have a lot going on in their lives right now so I would like to offer to pay for their dresses. I don't know how to bring it up to them though. I feel like if I say something before we go shopping they will say no it's their responsibility to buy the dresses, but I don't want to spring it on them at the salon and make them feel weird though.

So how can I pay for their dresses without making them feel weird about it? I know it would help all of them out a lot, but they would tell me I don't need to.

I purchased all of my bridesmaids' dresses. I called each and let them know I would be purchasing their dress. They all did the courtesy "Oh, no, no, that's not necessary!!!!"

I told them it is my pleasure and left it at that.

Trust me, no one will fight you too hard on it! ;-)

tammym1001

Thanks for the reassurances ladies. I wasn't going to mention why anyways so I'll just be nicely insistent.

misssunshine17

That's very nice of you to think of your friends. I would, however, tell them what price range you're looking in so they don't fall in love with a $300 dress if that's not what you're willing to spend. 

[Deleted User]

My girls and I went to the salon-- they all picked dresses and, when it was time to order, I handed the consultant my credit card.  As someone else said, they all did the "No, you don't have to do that!" but in the end I was happy to and told them I was just so glad they would be in my wedding.

tammym1001

@misssunshine17 - that's a good point. I'll keep that in mind.

@LMc0322 - I was kind of thinking of doing it like that. It's good to hear that it worked out well that way.

[Deleted User]

tammym1001 said:

@misssunshine17 - that's a good point. I'll keep that in mind.

@LMc0322 - I was kind of thinking of doing it like that. It's good to hear that it worked out well that way.

Also, I know that you said that they may feel weird if you did it at the salon, so as a disclosure, we were the only ones in the room when I told them I'd pay for it. I wouldn't make it an announcement if there are a lot of other people shopping in the area.

tammym1001

Good point!

phira

I'd be THRILLED to hear that the bride was paying for my dress that I was never going to be able to wear again. And that's even though I'm not dealing with a divorce or unexpected pregnancy. You're spectacular.

I would still get them a separate gift at the time of the wedding, but there's nothing' wrong with buying them the dress.

tammym1001

I would definitely still buy them a gift for the wedding. I already have some ideas swirling around in my head.

@RetreadBride - That's a great idea. Especially for the BM who will have just had a baby. Not sure how she will feel about her body after the baby so it would be nice for her to have several options.

With that being said, when would you guys suggest going shopping? My pregnant BM is due 4 months before the wedding so I'm not sure if she will want to shop while she's 8 months pregnant or if that will even be possible, but if we don't go while she's pregnant then we will pretty much have to shop right after the baby is born. I don't know how bridal salons handle the measurements and sizing for a situation like that.

itzMS

@tammym1001 , Go 6-8 months before your wedding. The preggo bridesmaid can just order a size or two up from her pre-baby size. She doesn't need to try on anything or get measured unless she wants to. Make sure the bridal salon allows for outside alternations. It will likely be easier for her to go to a private seamstress than trying to work her schedule (with a newborn) around bridal shop hours.