How can I involve my future MIL and SIL in my wedding planning?

EEY0RE9

Ok let me give you a backstory first. My future MIL & SIL do not like me. They act like they do but I can feel their dislike for me. Especially his sister. My fiancé doesn't really like his sister because of the way she's treated me in the past and is hurt with his mom about some personal issue between his dad and her. So he doesn't really care if they will be there or not. But I do because these women will be my new family and I do not want to have issues like my poor mom did with my dads fam. I want to include them in the planning but I do NOT want his sister as a bridesmaid (I might not even have bridesmaids). Are there any suggestions that can be helpful with this touchy subject. Did any of you married brides did something special to involve your future in laws?

Maggie0829

Honestly, I wouldn't involve them in the planning unless they specifically come up to you and ask you if they can help with anything.  Involving them in the planning will not make you guys closer, it will probably just stress you out and cause arguments.

Just go about your planning and if one or both ask if there is anything that they can do to help then involve.  Oh and think long and hard about what you want them to be involved in.  I would pick things that aren't super important because you never know how they will be and they want to be very controlling about decisions and you certainly do not want that when it comes to the big things like venue, food, photographer, etc.

MairePoppy

I agree with PPs. Don't involve them, at all, unless they show an interest. 

AddieCake

I, too, agree with PPs. Don't try to force a relationship with them unless they show an interest in you or the wedding. 

kerbohl

Can you ask one or both to be readers at the wedding?  It is a nice gesture, but it doesn't involve them needing to get involved in wedding planning. 

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EEY0RE9

Thank you all! I will just wait for them to approach me. I have been posting little updates about my wedding planning on FB. So far his mom has liked them all but hasn't said a word to me or my Fiance. Now I will just have to play the waiting game and see if they step up and accept me as an in law.

bethsmiles

RetreadBride said:

NO FACEBOOK!

See some of the posts on here.  Facebook has a nasty penchant for turning grownups into two-year-olds.

Agreed. Don't post about your wedding plans on FB. It's just asking for unnecessary drama.

EEY0RE9

That's a pretty good idea. I've never thought of it that way. I might have to stop the posts then! Thank you!

msdds51

 

I really feel like you should involve them.  Ignoring them through this process could really hurt things more.  Ask your man what their strengths are.  Could your MIL crochet some mats to decorate the gift table?  Would they be interested in going to a dress fitting?  Maybe your SIL has great handwriting and could help with addressing invitations or escort cards.  Trying to create a relationship now while you are all kind of forced into it might change the whole momentum of your new family.