So Ladies...My Wedding May Be On Hold (Yet Again)

island07b2b

I don't know if I am getting married on August 31st.  I just don't know a thing right now.   The Dude has not been forthcoming with all the details of his cancer stating that he knows how emotional I am and he wanted me to not stress out.  WTH!  Not knowing everything makes me stress out worse and then dropping bombs on me like he did earlier this week doesn't help me emotionally at all.  I am just beside myself.  I thought his treatment would be a month and then he would be monitored and brought back in for more treatment if necessary.  Now he tells me his treatment could be as long as 2 to 3 months!  OMG!  What in the world is going on?  

So we get into a HUGE argument this past Tuesday because I tell him he is not telling me everything and it is not fair.  I also tell him that given the new information how does this impact the wedding.  Clearly 2 to 3 months treatment away at the cancer treatment center means there can be no August 31st wedding.  It's under 90 days until the wedding so we have to make some decisions.  As some of you know I had to postpone the wedding last year.  He proposed a plan B by going to the JOP or having a destination wedding but honestly ladies it's not what I want.   HOWEVER, I will go to the JOP now and do the "wedding" thing later if it comes down to it.

Well during the argument The Dude accuses me of putting the wedding before him.  What the double h*ll!!  Has he lost his mind?  He honestly believed this.  I cried the whole dang day over that.  How could he believe that?  My son saw how upset I was and called him without me knowing and The Dude told him how hurt he was that I put his health second to the wedding.  My son said that the way I was talking to him after my conversation with The Dude came across to him too that I was more concerned over the wedding than him.  **sigh**  That wasn't my intention at all but I felt slammed and maybe  I talked about the wedding more than about the new 2 to 3 month treatment revelation.  

Anyway ladies you know that the wedding planning is just "fluff" at the end of the day.  The main thing is marrying your SO.  But you also know your heart goes into the planning and meaning behind the whole day and event is priceless.  I've poured my heart into August 31st wanting so much to make the day special for The Dude and I for so many reasons and I feel I have every right to be upset and hurt.  

I am dealing with the hurt of The Dude's condition.  I just want the cancer gone!

I am dealing with the hurt of postponing the wedding (again). 

 

The Dude and I are barely talking but at some point (AND SOON) we have to figure out the wedding thing.  There's more than just he and I involved here.  He doesn't get that.

I don't know how to tell my girls that I may have to postpone again.  

The reaction of the vendors at this stage of the game may not be cool.  We will lose money but it is what it is. 

I am just sad, confused, miserable and plain TIRED.

Someone please give me something to smile about.

MrsBad13

Aww hun.. I'm sorry you guys are going thru this trying time. When does he have to leave for the treatments ?

island07b2b

MrsBad13 said:

Aww hun.. I'm sorry you guys are going thru this trying time. When does he have to leave for the treatments ?

He has to complete the required paperwork, submit his leave with his job and then he will be off for treatment.  He should begin within the next two weeks.    

LeciaB

First love I am sorry about all of this be strong love... I can understand where you are coming from and I see the boys point of view as well about the whole wedding thing .. I know you love the dude anf you just want to be his wofe so maybe like you said do the JOP and then see if you can beg the vendors to move the date ... I know you are hurting and don't want the dude to feel like you don't support him or that the wedding is more important than him

leatba

I'm sorry you're dealing with this Hun. Try to let him know that he means more to you than the wedding. I'm sure it was stress talking

drmass2013

First of all I am sorry that you and The Dude are going through this. I understand you completely considering I've postponed my date twice. You all know you love each other so maybe the JOP thing isn't a bad idea it's something we had thought about as well. I know that you are hurting but I believe that your vendors and your bridal party will be understanding that your FI has to have cancer treatment. I agree with @leatba show him that he means more to you than the wedding and stay strong and supportive. God will see you all through this and I will keep you and The Dude in my prayers ((((((((BIG HUGS))))))

island07b2b

@everyone - You ladies are the ABSOLUTE best!!  Thank you for all your support.  I am making a follow up thread now for the latest developments.  

tirathemrs

island07b2b...I truly and completely understand what you are going through...when The Mr and I first started talking about weddings his mom was sick with cancer and his whole attention was on her so i just kind of backed off and didnt say too much about it but only every now and then i guess too because we were planning soo far out i didnt want to overload him with wedding stuff when it was apparent his mom needed him more! But honestly we have been on that back and forth train with the wedding date (as you may knw) and guess what we are on it again! smh im just praying things will work out for you and The Dude, I cant imagine that this is easy for you but as PP stated a JOP wedding may be best at the moment and then after the treatments you get into the planning again but bringing it up sparingly and letting him knw that you are only thinking of him...HTH THE DUDE WILL BE  IN MY PRAYERS...GOD BLESS HIM AND I PRAY HE TAKES THAT CANCER AWAY....IN JESUS NAME!!!

MrsBad13

@misstira..are yall changing the date again ?

tirathemrs

MrsBad13 girl read my post LOL

MissusD1116

drmass2013 said:

First of all I am sorry that you and The Dude are going through this. I understand you completely considering I've postponed my date twice. You all know you love each other so maybe the JOP thing isn't a bad idea it's something we had thought about as well. I know that you are hurting but I believe that your vendors and your bridal party will be understanding that your FI has to have cancer treatment. I agree with @leatba show him that he means more to you than the wedding and stay strong and supportive. God will see you all through this and I will keep you and The Dude in my prayers ((((((((BIG HUGS))))))

All of THIS!!!! 

nursing2u

hey miss,..,I totally agree with all that I have read above...

This is definitely hard to face.. but I can't imagine how bad he feels.. and you know men always want to be in charge and able to take care of US.. and with something like this.. I know it is hard for him and his ego.. you know... I say pray on it before the words come out of your mouth.. and remember as you said in the end it's about you two becoming MAN & WIFE.. as one... you know... do all you can for him to realize that... you know they can be like kids.. putting them first.. and once he calms down.. then he will understand all that you were saying and feeling... luv ya hunni!!!

island07b2b

@misstira - No none of this is easy but as The Dude likes to say "It's All Good".  His way of saying it will all work out. 

@nursing2u - You are so right.  The Dude is always saying he wants to take care of me instead of me taking care of him.  I know that sentiment is part of the misunderstanding we had.  

thedivav

Hugs @island praying or you and the dude

[Deleted User]

lette I'm so sorry about all of this.  I can only imagine how difficult it must be to keep your head up.  like legit?  I'm not even mad at you for going off though, it's (imho) not about the wedding more than withholding pretty significant information.  forgiveable?  sure but aggravating as f*ck. I think you're perfectly entitled to your feelings.  I also think that because this wasn't (new) news to him when he saw you snapout and thing that made it outta your brain first was about the wedding he's entitled to his feelings. grooms don't get this part because they don't DO it but the calls and the money and the plans and everything it took to get the planets to perfectly align, then add that you've done this before and girl trust we get it, you're up to here with it.   Maybe when the dust settles ya'll can talk about how, of course his health will always come first and the blow up was about logistics frustration.   Praying for both of you. 

oh, before I forget:  Someone please give me something to smile about. 

clicky

minsu5

sultryzulu said:

l grooms don't get this part because they don't DO it but the calls and the money and the plans and everything it took to get the planets to perfectly align, then add that you've done this before and girl trust we get it, you're up to here with it.   Maybe when the dust settles ya'll can talk about how, of course his health will always come first and the blow up was about logistics frustration.  

I agree with @sultryzulu, I hope by the time you read this, many of the hard feelings both you and the Dude felt have faded away. Nonetheless, I strongly believe that conflict can be a good thing -- it shows us and our partners where our boundaries lie. I can understand both his and your POV. He has an illness he can't control and you've invested a lot in both the wedding and his health. If you're going to be his wife, his next-of-kin before all others, then you need to know the state of his being. In the end, I hope cooler minds prevail and you rejoin closer than you were previously.

island07b2b

@thediva - Thank you!

@Sultry - Not only did you make me smile you made me CRACK UP!  You are so, so silly and also so wise.  Thank you girl.  You get it.  

@minsu5 - We have talked and the hard feelings are gone.  Once we were both calm (and it took a few days) we were able to talk to each other rather than at each other.  We are in a great place right now.