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mmerola04

manateehugger

Oh boy. I'll warn you now - you're not going to like the responses you're going to get. 

You only get married once. There is no second ceremony - there's the legally binding ceremony and that's the date you are married from. You are welcome to send out announcements after your wedding on the 6th - and some people may send you gifts. However, registering for your re-do ceremony would be incredibly inappropriate. Proper etiquette indicates that you get one wedding and that's it. 

Is there a reason that you have to rush to get married? 

manateehugger

mmerola04 said:

So my fiancee and I are getting married on July 6th of this year and plan on having another ceremony later. The question we have is how do we send out announcements saying that we're married already. Do we wait to register for things until that ceremony or do we send out a registry list now and not ask for one later? He's in the military so this is kind of a hurried thing until later on. If anyone has any ideas or input, it would be greatly appreciated. My fiancee is no help. Lol. Everyone just keeps telling me whatever we want to do, and I'm not sure what is proper etiquette. So whatever help and input would be great! 

Thanks in advance,

Megan 

mmerola04

The military is the main reason for rushing it. It's hard to explain, but basically he's leaving and we don't/can't wait to do it when he comes back. I know we only get one wedding and it's not that we want a re-do, I just wasn't sure if someone else had been in my situation. The thing is we're in Hawaii and family isn't making it out here in such a short period of time so it's just going to be us, an officiant, and 2 witnesses. We're not even making some big production out of it here. Should we just not tell anyone and pretend like we haven't even gotten married until we plan the "family wedding"? 

manateehugger

mmerola04 said: The military is the main reason for rushing it. It's hard to explain, but basically he's leaving and we don't/can't wait to do it when he comes back. I know we only get one wedding and it's not that we want a re-do, I just wasn't sure if someone else had been in my situation. The thing is we're in Hawaii and family isn't making it out here in such a short period of time so it's just going to be us, an officiant, and 2 witnesses. We're not even making some big production out of it here. Should we just not tell anyone and pretend like we haven't even gotten married until we plan the "family wedding"? 



I'm marrying military as well. And the usual reasons for rushing a military marriage are insurance related, boot camp, or a deployment. If these are your reasons, I strongly strongly urge you to wait to get married until you are more financial stable. 

It doesn't matter that you wont be making a big production; you'll still be legally married after that wedding. Nothing will change that fact. Honestly, I recommend you wait until all your family can attend your one true ceremony. A fake ceremony will not make them feel better. 

If you cannot wait to get married (though I strongly discourage a rushed civil ceremony), then have your small ceremony now and then around your one year anniversary, plan a big blow-out party. Wear a simple gown, cut cake, eat, drink, and dance. That way you still respect the legality of your marriage but still get to celebrate that marriage with family and friends. 

And no! Please please do not lie to your family and friends. If they ever found out you lied, think about how hurt they would be. 

It deserves repeating: I strongly strongly urge you to wait to get married until you are more stable. Marriage should never be rushed or taken lightly. 

NYCMercedes

mmerola04 said:

The military is the main reason for rushing it. It's hard to explain, but basically he's leaving and we don't/can't wait to do it when he comes back. I know we only get one wedding and it's not that we want a re-do, I just wasn't sure if someone else had been in my situation. The thing is we're in Hawaii and family isn't making it out here in such a short period of time so it's just going to be us, an officiant, and 2 witnesses. We're not even making some big production out of it here. Should we just not tell anyone and pretend like we haven't even gotten married until we plan the "family wedding"? 

You're not getting it. Reread PDKH's post. If you get married now, you're married. That IS the production. Then you're done. You can party whenever, of course. One wedding. ... ....eta, never, ever send registry info with an announcement!

manateehugger

NYCMercedes said:

mmerola04 said:

The military is the main reason for rushing it. It's hard to explain, but basically he's leaving and we don't/can't wait to do it when he comes back. I know we only get one wedding and it's not that we want a re-do, I just wasn't sure if someone else had been in my situation. The thing is we're in Hawaii and family isn't making it out here in such a short period of time so it's just going to be us, an officiant, and 2 witnesses. We're not even making some big production out of it here. Should we just not tell anyone and pretend like we haven't even gotten married until we plan the "family wedding"? 

You're not getting it. Reread PDKH's post. If you get married now, you're married. That IS the production. Then you're done. You can party whenever, of course. One wedding. ... ....eta, never, ever send registry info with an announcement!

This too!

Dreamergirl8812

The fact that this post is in the registering and gifts section worries me. That should be the least of your worries in this situation.

gailpete

OP- As has been pointed out, you get one wedding.  That will be on July 6th.  Your reception will be immediately after when you take the 2 witnesses to lunch or dinner as a thank you for witnessing your wedding.  There is probably not much reason to create a registry, by having this small wedding you have given up any pre-wedding gift giving occasions such as a shower (any one invited to a pre-wedding party MUST be invited to the wedding).

If you decide to throw a first anniversary party to celebrate your marriage you could create a small registry (although no one is obligated to bring you a gift) but do not announce it, or include the information in announcements or invitations. If someone asks, you can then tell them that you have a small registry at XYZ store.

Whatever you do, do not lie to your family and friends about being married so you can have your PPD (pretty princess day).  They will find out and they will be hurt and mad.

artbyallie

My SIL married military with one month's notice. She had a wedding dress, a bridal party, a ceremony, and reception. If you want those things, you need to do them now because they are not what makes a wedding. The part where you get married is. If you marry without those things, you're still married and thus passed up your chance to get to do them. Go ask the Military Brides board and they will tell you the same thing.

QueerFemme

why delete your tacky thread? you were quoted.

 

pesematology

I think you can register for whatever you want, but for the love of jeebus, don't tell people about the registry unless they demand to know.

A few people may very generously choose to send a gift and a small registry could make that easier for them, but since you didn't invite anyone to your real wedding, don't expect much.

manjermj

PDKH said:

mmerola04 said:

The military is the main reason for rushing it. It's hard to explain, but basically he's leaving and we don't/can't wait to do it when he comes back. I know we only get one wedding and it's not that we want a re-do, I just wasn't sure if someone else had been in my situation. The thing is we're in Hawaii and family isn't making it out here in such a short period of time so it's just going to be us, an officiant, and 2 witnesses. We're not even making some big production out of it here. Should we just not tell anyone and pretend like we haven't even gotten married until we plan the "family wedding"? 

I'm marrying military as well. And the usual reasons for rushing a military marriage are insurance related, boot camp, or a deployment. If these are your reasons, I strongly strongly urge you to wait to get married until you are more financial stable. 

It doesn't matter that you wont be making a big production; you'll still be legally married after that wedding. Nothing will change that fact. Honestly, I recommend you wait until all your family can attend your one true ceremony. A fake ceremony will not make them feel better. 

If you cannot wait to get married (though I strongly discourage a rushed civil ceremony), then have your small ceremony now and then around your one year anniversary, plan a big blow-out party. Wear a simple gown, cut cake, eat, drink, and dance. That way you still respect the legality of your marriage but still get to celebrate that marriage with family and friends. 

And no! Please please do not lie to your family and friends. If they ever found out you lied, think about how hurt they would be. 

It deserves repeating: I strongly strongly urge you to wait to get married until you are more stable. Marriage should never be rushed or taken lightly. 

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This is all great advice. From another military wife, I also strongly urge you to just wait. Just because your fiance is in the military doesn't give you special circumstances to have two weddings. I understand the desire to not wait, but waiting is oh so worth it. We lived on opposite coasts for nearly 5 years until we were able to be financially stable and to have the wedding of our dreams with all of our family and friends. Trust me, waiting is worth it.

If you truly want to follow ettiquette, have your wedding July 6th of this year or WAIT and have your wedding of your dreams when you plan next year. 

oxdelaney

If it's for insurance reasons, my fiance hasn't had insurance for the nearly 6 years we've been dating and we've waited until we're financially stable and ready for marriage to get married. I know I'm not in your shoes and you could be dealing with deployment and all that so I second posting in the military wives section. Good luck!