Words of encouragement

swimmy1988

In the last week since I've seen the thread "words or phrases that make you stabby" I've been thinking a lot about what annoys me. And since I'm a bride, getting married in 12 days, I have felt there was one phrase that I've heard a lot in the last 14 months since I started planning this wedding. Yes, I felt like a whole new thread was necessary.

But the phrase I've heard when people find out I'm planning a wedding? "Oh things WILL go wrong on that day. Don't worry it's normal". And they say it like it's supposed to be encouraging. This makes me feel like I should say a snarky response like "Is that supposed to encourage or jinx me?" (I never actually say it though, just think it).
But seriously, is this what people think is encouraging when they're planning a wedding. It's almost as if people expect weddings to be a disaster. (I blame some of this on all those wedding shows)

My wedding planning experience has actually been relaxing. I set deadlines for myself to get things booked and paid, and I met those deadlines. I got the vendors I wanted at good prices too. Had a set budget and managed to stay under.
Even when stuff might have went wrong, it seemed to work itself out. Maybe I'm just a good planner that way, who knows. Maybe my experience is not the norm.

But it annoys me when people use those "words of encouragement" when talking about my wedding.

What are some words of encouragement, good or bad, you've heard while planning your wedding?

jennylee813

My mantra has always been:

As long as you're married at the end of the day, nothing else matters.

(I'm not stressing the small stuff at all, and when I managed a bridal salon, I repeated this over and over to frazzled brides.)

kerbohl

"You can break it off any time before the wedding.  You don't have to marry him if you don't want to".  Yeah, that's real encouraging.  My mother means the best, but the fact that she really likes my FI and still says this is confusing.

As to "something WILL go wrong", they mean little things.  You'll be five minutes late, there will be a little rain . . . I think they say it to let you know that you shouldn't freak out when such things happen, because no one will really notice.  But yeah, I can see that getting annoying fast.  I'm not at that stage yet - the comments I get are still about the other things, not the actual wedding day. 

swimmy1988

jennylee813 said:

My mantra has always been:

As long as you're married at the end of the day, nothing else matters.

(I'm not stressing the small stuff at all, and when I managed a bridal salon, I repeated this over and over to frazzled brides.)

That's a good one.
Sweating the small stuff just makes one more stressed.

swimmy1988

LingerLonger1 said:

swimmy1988 said:

In the last week since I've seen the thread "words or phrases that make you stabby" I've been thinking a lot about what annoys me. And since I'm a bride, getting married in 12 days, I have felt there was one phrase that I've heard a lot in the last 14 months since I started planning this wedding. Yes, I felt like a whole new thread was necessary.

But the phrase I've heard when people find out I'm planning a wedding? "Oh things WILL go wrong on that day. Don't worry it's normal". And they say it like it's supposed to be encouraging. This makes me feel like I should say a snarky response like "Is that supposed to encourage or jinx me?" (I never actually say it though, just think it).
But seriously, is this what people think is encouraging when they're planning a wedding. It's almost as if people expect weddings to be a disaster. (I blame some of this on all those wedding shows)

My wedding planning experience has actually been relaxing. I set deadlines for myself to get things booked and paid, and I met those deadlines. I got the vendors I wanted at good prices too. Had a set budget and managed to stay under.
Even when stuff might have went wrong, it seemed to work itself out. Maybe I'm just a good planner that way, who knows. Maybe my experience is not the norm.

But it annoys me when people use those "words of encouragement" when talking about my wedding.

What are some words of encouragement, good or bad, you've heard while planning your wedding?

You can't say everything has gone alright because you haven't had your wedding yet.  You're completely missing the point of the statement.  It's not meant to encourage you.  It's meant to let you know that if you focus too hard on everything being perfect you're going to be disappointed. 

That's true, the wedding hasn't happened yet but everything up until this point has gone pretty decently. I guess we'll see what happens the day of, what happens happens.

wittykitty14

 

kerbohl said:

"You can break it off any time before the wedding.  You don't have to marry him if you don't want to".  Yeah, that's real encouraging.  My mother means the best, but the fact that she really likes my FI and still says this is confusing.

As to "something WILL go wrong", they mean little things.  You'll be five minutes late, there will be a little rain . . . I think they say it to let you know that you shouldn't freak out when such things happen, because no one will really notice.  But yeah, I can see that getting annoying fast.  I'm not at that stage yet - the comments I get are still about the other things, not the actual wedding day. 

Are you my long-lost sister?  Seriously, I think we have the same mom.

allispain

"No one will remember the little details, so you don't need to spend so much time on them."

This said by my mom when she's worried that I'll spend too much time on my DIY touches and it will stress me out, which I think is funny because I consider DIY time to be my stress relief. Objectively, yes, I know that guests aren't going to remember the little touches I put here and there - but down the road, I will and FI will and to me that's what matters most.

lyndsay782

jennylee813 

Similar to yours:  A wedding is one day, but the marriage it results in is forever. 

Peledreamsofrain

It's just truth. I personally found it freeing, because I'm a perfectionist and felt that if something did go wrong, it reflected badly on me. Knowing that nobody expected my wedding to be flaw-free was a relief. I also was prepared to be zen when things did go wrong.

AddieCake

I say it to brides a lot b/c I did have some things go wrong, and they actually made my day BETTER. 

swimmy1988

Thanks ladies, for giving me a new perspective.
I think I felt defensive of my wedding planning skills, because I have put in a lot of work to plan it. Mostly by myself (which was my choice, when I needed help, I asked Fi).

I guess we'll see what happens in 12 days! I just have to send in one final cheque to my DJ and then I think I'll relax for a few days.

ravenray

I say that to brides because a lot of things did go wrong on my wedding day (including not having my photographer show up, oh boy).  However, it was still a wonderful wedding and many people have told me it was the highlight of the summer and most of the things that went wrong, they never knew about.  

My aunt got me an etiquette book and I had a serious bridezilla moment.  I have no idea what got into me but it was terrible.  It was so sweet of my aunt to do that for me and I behaved badly. *hangs head*  I think that was the only wedding advice that I remember being frustrating.  

jarednmegan

"It's your day."

The three little words that fuel the fire inside bridezillas everywhere.