Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not sure how to handle this..........

Hello: I need some input from my fellow 'The Knot' brides (whether it's 'to-be' or 'have been')... My fiance' and I originally were supposed to be married this past June 8th, 2013. The Tuesday before, I was informed by our venue a financial issue hadn't been 'resolved' and unless we came up with the full amount that day, we would have no choice but to either cancel or rebook at a later date. Needless to say, I was a basket case. Fortunately, my boss let me go home after 1/2 a day to try and figure this out. After many calls, etc., it was ending up becoming a no-go 4 days before our big day.                    Quick fast forward today, our new date is going to be October 5, 2013 and my question is 'how or what do I send out to our guests to let them know date change, venue, etc? I don't want to have to re-do the invitations completely but what is the etiquette for this? I realize that some of our 'not coming' RSVP's from before could be changed to 'coming' due to the date change so I'm having trouble figuring out...do I send out new RSVP cards that perforate off of a small, new invitation or is there another alternative? I certainly don't want to do any mass internet notifications (sounds super-tactless). Any thoughts?

Re: Not sure how to handle this..........

  • Send new invitations and wait until you're really sure. 4 days notice is a huge inconvenience to your guests, so make things as easy as possible for them going forward.
  • First - I'm so sorry that happened.

     

    Second - I really hope you contact all your guests to let them know BEFORE the wedding that it was a no-go?

     

    Third - I think new invitations it really the best way to go.  You have a new date, time, location and need RSVPs again,  You could do simpler invitations than last time, but by the time you include all the info you need to convey you've got a new invitation (even if you sent it via email or something)

  • Thanks for the kind words starting your reply. Yes, we got in touch with everyone the night we knew for sure that it was a no-go.

    The only change is the new date...same time, venue, food choices.

    If it's new invitations then that's the way we'll go. I just wasn't sure.

  • Wow. I am really, really sorry that happened to you. Out of curiosity, what was the issue?  It's surprising to me that you're staying at the same venue if they dropped the ball so terribly the first time around.
  • Hello: I need some input from my fellow 'The Knot' brides (whether it's 'to-be' or 'have been')... My fiance' and I originally were supposed to be married this past June 8th, 2013. The Tuesday before, I was informed by our venue a financial issue hadn't been 'resolved' and unless we came up with the full amount that day, we would have no choice but to either cancel or rebook at a later date. Needless to say, I was a basket case. Fortunately, my boss let me go home after 1/2 a day to try and figure this out. After many calls, etc., it was ending up becoming a no-go 4 days before our big day.                    Quick fast forward today, our new date is going to be October 5, 2013 and my question is 'how or what do I send out to our guests to let them know date change, venue, etc? I don't want to have to re-do the invitations completely but what is the etiquette for this? I realize that some of our 'not coming' RSVP's from before could be changed to 'coming' due to the date change so I'm having trouble figuring out...do I send out new RSVP cards that perforate off of a small, new invitation or is there another alternative? I certainly don't want to do any mass internet notifications (sounds super-tactless). Any thoughts?

    I'm curious of why you didn't have the money to pay your venue only 4 days before your wedding?  I'm honestly surprised the venue is letting you reschedule without losing a hefty chunk of your original deposit.

    Anyway, yes, send new invitations. You can do postcards for the RSVPs if you want to save a little money. 

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm with cmgilpin. If you owe it in 4 days you should have had the money handy, one would think...  I agree -- new invites.
  • New invites.

    And I agree with cmgilpin






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • @farley6691 - Send new invitations with new RSVP cards. 
  • I'm confused. Why wouldn't you have the money right before the wedding?
  • Unfortunately, our contract led us to believe full payment would be due after the event.

    We've gone through a lot of discussion w/ the venue and only have to pay a small penalty.

    Not really the point or issue of my orginal post on The Knot. It's a very long story..please don't judge.

    Thank you for any advice relating to what sort of invitations/cards would be appropriate to send out.

  • I still don't understand.
  • I still don't understand.
    Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me either.  I know some places require full payment before. Ours did.   A few might allow you to be after.   Although after means like the next day or in case of staying at a hotel when you check-out which could be a few days later.  So yeah it doesn't really make sense.









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I still don't understand.

    I'm guessing wedding gifts were making up the rest of the budget. 
  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I really hope you weren't counting on using money given as gifts to pay for your wedding...  Pretty much every wedding vendor ever has payment due on or before the wedding day, never after...
  • Definitely don't plan on using the wedding gifts to pay for the next wedding considering how a lot of guests will be miffed if they had non-refundable plane tickets. Though you'll probably have a smaller yes rate this time so it may be more affordable.
    I can totally understand if there's a longer story, but just based on what it sounds like, as an OOT guest I'd be super irritated.

    But as to your question... yeah, definitely new invites. Your guest list might be completely changed.
  • I agree that they probably intended to pay with whatever money they may have received at the wedding (not the smartest move, but not the first couple to make the same mistake). I can't understand that kind of gamble. At any rate, I'm sorry your original wedding didn't go as planned OP. You can find inexpensive invitations at Target. Depending on how many guests you have, this may be the best way to go. I wouldn't depend on e-mail, especially after the last minute issue before. You want guests to know this will really happen.
  • You are right SBmini.  However, there are a ton of lurkers out there.  Just see the number of views compared to replies.  Pointing out such a mistake can help a future couple from making the same mistake.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • SBMini:

    Thank you for looking at my original post as a question about new invitations, not what

    mistakes we may have made. Thank you for the advice.

  • Wherever the mistake was made, it's in the past, the only thing to do is push onward with the new date.

    In this case, I'd say send out new invites with RSVP cards. I'd go with something simpler than last time, especially to help save on expenses. Less extravagant is good, from what it sounds.

    You don't owe your guests a long, drawn out reasoning, but a simple 'due to unforeseen circumstances' if anyone asks. The rest is your own, private, knowledge that nobody else has to be privy to.

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  • I agree with Lynda that, even though OP may have asked a question specific to her situation, in all actuality, her mistake might be a very common one to other brides. For a bride-to-be who is planning on using gift money to pay for their venue (if that's the issue at hand, which it sounds like it is), it would be helpful for them to see firsthand from another bride why this can backfire and is risky.

    Also, at first I was unsure if it was a VENUE screw-up, and hence, my initial confusion as to why you'd keep the same venue if they screwed you over once. So in that regard also, I think the reason behind this situation would be helpful.

    Yes, I would send out totally new invitations.


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  • Agree with PPs - it's a fresh start, new invitations and new RSVPs. I can't imagine how stressful that was, for whatever reason it happened. GOOD LUCK.

    This might be a terrible idea, but maybe you could do a movie theme, with a scene marker reading THE WEDDING....TAKE 2.  i don't think they have to be uber formal invitations at this point.

     

  • I honestly dont think its anyones business as to what financially was going on, this includes whether or not she was planning on using money she received as gifts (even though this is never a good idea!). I gathered what had happened from the OP without needing further explanation and didn't feel the need to pass judgment on her and her FH for their choices.     

    With that said I agree, send out new invites and RSVPS. I love the idea of wedding take 2!
  • New invites, definitely.

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