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Bridesmaids dresses

aphrodite0869aphrodite0869 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
edited June 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey everyone,
So I picked out these amazing dresses and I've showed them to all my maids and they love them.  They are around 255 but I have a few plus size girls that is going to knock the price up to 300.  Our wedding isn't until Sept 27th, 2014 and we probably won't go look at them until after Christmas when I graduate.  Should I go ahead and inform my maids of the price so they have plenty of time to save the money for the dresses?

Re: Bridesmaids dresses

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    YESand immediately!!! And when you do, you should say, I'm sorry I didn't ask you about your budgets before hand, but this is the price of that dress. Will this work for you, if not, please let me know and we'll find something that works better into your budget.

    Going forward, on any items that other people will have to pay for, such as hair stylist, makeup artist, or anything, you need to ask their budget first. Unless you plan to pay for those items yourself, you need to find out budgets first.

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    I think you should stick with what Liatris said. Privately ask each bridesmaid what she is comfortable spending on a dress. Framing it as "Here is the price - is that OK?" makes it seem like they don't really have a say... If you know that there will (or won't) be other fixed prices you can probably tell them then, too. For example, every bride my friends have known has required a certain shoe but not paid for it. I wanted to put everyone's mind at ease that they don't need to budget for shoes, because I won't be doing that, hair will be at their discretion, etc.

    You do have plenty of time to choose. However, I saw a dress online that I loved over a year before my wedding. I showed it to my bridesmaids as the kind of style I liked, asked their opinions on that, etc., but figured we'd order something different for the wedding since it was so far out. 

    We timed it perfectly because it's on sale now and we're going with that original dress! 

    But you should definitely keep your mind open! You've got several new seasons of dresses to choose from!

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    Erikan73 said:

    YESand immediately!!! And when you do, you should say, I'm sorry I didn't ask you about your budgets before hand, but this is the price of that dress. Will this work for you, if not, please let me know and we'll find something that works better into your budget.

    Going forward, on any items that other people will have to pay for, such as hair stylist, makeup artist, or anything, you need to ask their budget first. Unless you plan to pay for those items yourself, you need to find out budgets first.


    I disagree with the wording, only because it has the possibility of making the bridesmaids very uncomfortable.  Instead of asking for their budget, you're saying "This is this much, is that ok?!" and they're more like to say "..Well..I guess so..." because they don't want to be the bridesmaid that can't pay.  I would ask for their budget.  If it happens to fall in there, awesome. If not, keep looking! You've got tons of time :)
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    Yea, don't pressure them by being like, "This is THE ONE and will make my wedding day perfect! oh btw, you can afford this right?" It puts a lot of pressure on them to make you happy. I'd say to each of them privately, "I was just getting an idea for what everyone likes. Glad you like this one, but there are a million BM dresses out there. I want to make sure I'm not gouging your pocketbook so just let me know what your budget is on a dress and I'll try to find something like this that fits everyone's budget."  Then take it from there. I promise you you'll find something you like even if it's not this one.
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    Personally, I think that is very high for bridesmaid dress, and it is way too early. As mentioned above, you need to ask ahead of time what they were expecting/able to pay.

    And, you have so much time. You have enough time to look at other designers and see if they make similar dresses for a cheaper price. If I were a bridesmaid and just told to buy a dress in the $250 - $300 range, it would leave a bad taste in my mouth. I  might have set aside $x to be in the wedding - including gifts, shower, bachelorette party, travel and dress. If the dress alone eats up a fair portion of that budget, sadly, the gift would be affected. Sounds rude, but it is the truth.
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    Personally, I think that is very high for bridesmaid dress, and it is way too early. As mentioned above, you need to ask ahead of time what they were expecting/able to pay.

    And, you have so much time. You have enough time to look at other designers and see if they make similar dresses for a cheaper price. If I were a bridesmaid and just told to buy a dress in the $250 - $300 range, it would leave a bad taste in my mouth. I  might have set aside $x to be in the wedding - including gifts, shower, bachelorette party, travel and dress. If the dress alone eats up a fair portion of that budget, sadly, the gift would be affected. Sounds rude, but it is the truth.

    I don't think it's rude at all-- it should be expected.  My girls' dresses were.. 225? 250?  So I paid for them.  We all loved them, but I thought it was too much to ask them to pay.
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    From my experience as a bride and bridesmaid, I would not just select the dress you like. I would go shopping with them, and find a dress that fits their bodies and their budgets.

    Also, even though you won't believe this, a lot can change in a year - there might me someone you become more close with who you would like to include, or someone you feel less close to adn don't need in the bridal party. You're like a year ahead of yourself....

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    Ask them for their budget first. If everyone's budget fits the dress, then go ahead and let them know the one you like - and get their opinion. But don't order them yet. One of my BMs actually got pregnant after I bought her dress. It was nbd because they were really reasonably priced from the department store and we found one that matched from a maternity store, but you don't want that to happen if you're getting a $300 dress.
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    edited June 2013
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    Erikan73 said:

    YESand immediately!!! And when you do, you should say, I'm sorry I didn't ask you about your budgets before hand, but this is the price of that dress. Will this work for you, if not, please let me know and we'll find something that works better into your budget.

    Going forward, on any items that other people will have to pay for, such as hair stylist, makeup artist, or anything, you need to ask their budget first. Unless you plan to pay for those items yourself, you need to find out budgets first.

    Totally disagree. Her wedding is over a year away. There is no need to order dresses immediately. People gain and lose weight, get pregnant, or give birth in those time spans. Chances are good that a dress ordered now won't fit right in a year and half. And why would anyone want to buy a dress to let it hang in the closet for a year, might as well your money in the closet for all the good it does.

    If the bride "requires" anything in addition to the dress (shoes, hair, nails, etc.) she must pay.
     
    I apologize, I didn't word my response very well. The immedieatly was to tell the BM the prices, not to buy the dresses now. I agree, way too early to buy the dresses for the reasonse you stated.

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    I was not going to buy the dresses anyways.  And for the reason we are starting so early is because of money constraints.  Plus we both go to school and have a full time job and between us have four kids so getting our budget together including paying for the dresses if I decide to do that.  Thanks for all your help
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    Erikan73 said:

    YESand immediately!!! And when you do, you should say, I'm sorry I didn't ask you about your budgets before hand, but this is the price of that dress. Will this work for you, if not, please let me know and we'll find something that works better into your budget.

    Going forward, on any items that other people will have to pay for, such as hair stylist, makeup artist, or anything, you need to ask their budget first. Unless you plan to pay for those items yourself, you need to find out budgets first.

    Disagree. You do NOT need their budget for their hair, makeup or shoes, special accessories, etc, because the bride can not make them pay for those things. If the bride is requiring specific shoes, professional makeup or a specific hairstyle that can not be easily done at home by themselves (and I'm talking easy. Like a sleek pony), it is up to the bride to pay for those things.
    The bridesmaid may choose to get her hair and makeup done professionally but if that's the case only she needs to know her own budget; it isn't the bride's business.

    OP, ask your brides their dress budgets now so you know what ranges of dresses you can look at. Do not decide on one for several more months.

    Personal story:
    I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. She did not ask for my dress budget. She and the MoH alone picked a $170 dress. They then sent us a picture and said "This is it! hope you like it."
    So the boutique had us order them 6 months before the wedding.
    The gal at the boutique took my measurements and said she really recommended the plus size 20 dress. I looked at the stats on the dress and most of the measurements were bigger than my own but I figured she knew what she was talking about. So the dress cost me an extra $20 because it was over a size 16.
    So fast forward 5 months. I've lost 15lbs. I'm swimming in this dress. It's gigantic (which tells me that I probably ordered it too big to begin with and I'm still annoyed at the lady at the shop). With only a month to go I have to pay over $200 to get the thing altered down to a size 12-14 because she just had to pull it completely apart.

    So I end up spending $390 on this dress that I had no input in and had to buy 6 months before the wedding. If we could have waited to order even one month more I might have been comfortable ordering the 16 instead of the 20 and it would have saved me a ton of money.

    So ask their budgets and if you have some plus sized gals, wait as long as you possibly can to order because weight fluctuation in either direction can be a big deal.
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    DP grrrrrrrrrrrrr
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    Ok.  I am not requiring them to get a certain type of shoe or hair style of make up.  I just really like this dress.  I am not going to for sure get it..depends on the style if they all look good in it.  Some maids may not be able to attend the shopping of the dress when we go in about 6 months it's just the one I want.  It is last season so maybe by the time we need to purchase it, it will be discounted.  Also, if some maids can not come to the dress fitting what do we do then?
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    Is the brand a nation wide one? For my wedding the girls went onto a DB at their own time to see if the dress options were ok, then we emailed and they agreed on one. For the latest time I was a bridesmaid, I was the only one not in my home state so I tried to find a boutique that carried the bill leveck (sp?) line. I could try it on and they could measure using the Brand's chart. The bms will not have to buy the day they go shopping

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    OP, just make sure the hardest to fit or most self conscious girls can make it. they will really appreciate it. there are a bazillion BM dresses out there, chances are you can find similar ones for less  - can you post a pic??
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    these are the dresses.  The blue ones are my two MOH and the purple r my bridesmaids.
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    Those are quite pretty but you'd definitely should let the girls to try them on before they are decided on (and of course find out if they are even in budget, and wait a good ways towards the wedding).

    Personally I look awful in an empire; I'm too hippy, so the style ends up hiding my waist and clinging to my hips. I do better in structured a-lines (ruching and wrap tops are also my friend).
    Also those lace flowers are lovely, but they're verging on the large side and I hate wearing any sort of pattern where it's possible for people to count how many of shape XYZ fit across my butt (smaller patterns tend to work better on larger girls; larger patterns not so much).

    I am not saying this dress won't work on all of your bridesmaids (obviously I am not them). It could end up looking amazing on all of them as empire is flattering on many body types. But unfortunately us larger ladies are harder to dress and I'd really hate for you to get attached to this style months in advance only to discover it just does not look good on one or more of your BMs (this is true of any dress and any BM body type, really). I suppose as long as the dress is within budget, the bride has final say on the dress, but I assume you want your girls looking and feeling beautiful.

    You need to let this go for several months and keep an open mind.
    When it comes closer to wedding time, if this dress is still available and in their budget then great. They should totally try it on! If it's not, it wasn't meant to be.

    Just please do not make them pay for anything out of their budget, and please do not make them order it super far in advance.
    The human body can change considerably over just a few months. It would be awful that if by the time the wedding rolled around, the BM was unable to wear her dress either due to pregnancy, extreme weight gain or extreme weight loss.
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    aurianna said:
    Those are quite pretty but you'd definitely should let the girls to try them on before they are decided on (and of course find out if they are even in budget, and wait a good ways towards the wedding).

    Personally I look awful in an empire; I'm too hippy, so the style ends up hiding my waist and clinging to my hips. I do better in structured a-lines (ruching and wrap tops are also my friend).
    Also those lace flowers are lovely, but they're verging on the large side and I hate wearing any sort of pattern where it's possible for people to count how many of shape XYZ fit across my butt (smaller patterns tend to work better on larger girls; larger patterns not so much).

    I am not saying this dress won't work on all of your bridesmaids (obviously I am not them). It could end up looking amazing on all of them as empire is flattering on many body types. But unfortunately us larger ladies are harder to dress and I'd really hate for you to get attached to this style months in advance only to discover it just does not look good on one or more of your BMs (this is true of any dress and any BM body type, really). I suppose as long as the dress is within budget, the bride has final say on the dress, but I assume you want your girls looking and feeling beautiful.

    You need to let this go for several months and keep an open mind.
    When it comes closer to wedding time, if this dress is still available and in their budget then great. They should totally try it on! If it's not, it wasn't meant to be.

    Just please do not make them pay for anything out of their budget, and please do not make them order it super far in advance.
    The human body can change considerably over just a few months. It would be awful that if by the time the wedding rolled around, the BM was unable to wear her dress either due to pregnancy, extreme weight gain or extreme weight loss.
    Totally disagree with the bolded.



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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    Viczaesar said:
    aurianna said:
    Also those lace flowers are lovely, but they're verging on the large side and I hate wearing any sort of pattern where it's possible for people to count how many of shape XYZ fit across my butt (smaller patterns tend to work better on larger girls; larger patterns not so much).
    Totally disagree with the bolded.
    Really? I'm talking uniform patterns (like a big flower every couple of inches) rather than larger scale patterns (like a whole bunch of flowers, lots of paisley, etc). Maybe it's just a mental hangup on my part. But if I'm wearing four big flowers across my waist and the bridesmaid next to me only has two of these flowers across her waste, I'm going to feel big.
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    I am not requiring anyone to buy anything right now.  It's going to be December before we can start shopping and we have to all find a time to drive three hours from home because the dress is only available in one store that I can find so it will be a while.  The dress will have to be ordered and I know that one of my girls is planning on having a baby sometime but I'm not sure when.  Thanks for all your help guys. 
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    I am not requiring anyone to buy anything right now.  It's going to be December before we can start shopping and we have to all find a time to drive three hours from home because the dress is only available in one store that I can find so it will be a while.  The dress will have to be ordered and I know that one of my girls is planning on having a baby sometime but I'm not sure when.  Thanks for all your help guys. 
    Good call on waiting. A lot can happen in 15 months. If your BMs are from all over the place, see if you can combine dress shopping with another wedding related event. A family friend of mine threw my shower early because we had a lot of attendees from other states/long distances. I went shopping with my BMs on the day of the shower since we were all in one place at one time. Really just to lessen the burden on them so they're not traveling back and forth for every little thing. It worked out great.
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