Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question: How long together, how long engaged?

My friends and I recently had a discussion on the appropriate time for a relationship to move into an engagement and an engagement into marriage. I believe it depends on the couple, they disagreed.    So my question is:  How long were you and your SO together before you became engaged? How long were you engaged before you got married?  Do you think there's a set amount time that a couple should have before progressing to each level?


For myself we were together for 10 months and will be engaged for 13 months when we get married.   As noted above, to each their own in my opinion.

Note: The discussion was not in reference to my engagement as my friends think my FI and I are perfect together, it was just a discussion in general that I thought I'd put on here.
«13

Re: Question: How long together, how long engaged?

  • Dating - 4 years
    Engaged - 14 months

    I've known people who date for 10 years, get married and then immediately divorce and then I worked with a guy who knew his wife for 3 months and they had a JOP wedding and are still married (and totally in love) 30 years later. I'd say the formula is not based on length of time, but love and dedication to making it work. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Hi - I think it's different for everyone. My FI and I dated about 10 months before we got engaged, but it was a whirlwind romance -- he moved back to my city from another country to be together, and we moved in quickly together, and we are just a perfect fit. Wedding will be 8 months after the engagement. So -

    Dating - 10 months

    Engaged - 8 months

    I'm also in my mid 30s and have dating people for years w/o wanting to marry them....

  • I agree with you that it depends. DH and I were together for somewhere between 10 and 14 month dating (depending on where you take the mark for it) when we got engaged. Our engagement was another 14 months.

    My friend who is getting married in July, however, had been dating her FI for 5 years and have been engaged for another 2 at this point. They were in school, however, and then saving up for the wedding they want (since they're paying for it entirely themselves) so it was a lot different than DH and I where we were out of school and had family help.
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
  • Dating - 8 years
    Engaged - 13 months
    Married - almost 2 years

    I really think it is a couple to couple thing.  My parents only dated 6 months before they got engaged and then were married 6 months later.  They have been together 37 years.  Then there are other couples who are together forever, get married and only last a year or two.  So there really isn't a set amount of time for couples to be together before engagement and marriage.  It really comes down to their relationship.


  • We dated for almost two years before he proposed, but all but 8 months of that was long distance (as in not seeing each other except for twice in a year).  Our engagement will be 14 months, but again, 7 months of that is long distance with zero in person contact.  Skype is a wonderful thing, when it works at least.  I totally agree with you on how it is different for everybody - like me, long distance really contributed.  I think he would have proposed after a year if I had been around (he spent 8 months "planning" my proposal), so our timeline would have been very different. 

  • Dating: 2 years, 2 months

    Engaged: 16 months

    You have to book things pretty far out around here.  We got engaged in October.  I considered a winter wedding, but didn't want to put out my guests by having it near the holidays.  I don't care for summer, it's too damn hot, and I am too damn frizzy.  So we chose late winter/early spring.  That's the reason for the long engagement.

    I was ready to kill him with how long he waited to propose ;) We had essentially moved in about 3 months after we started dating, so our relationship moved really fast-- the engagement just took a bit.

  • We got engaged after being together for 7 years and 6 months

    We will be engaged for about 1 year and 1 month before the wedding



    (When we met, I was 21 and he was 24 - so it's not like part of those 7 years and 6 months of dating were in high school....I was a senior in college and he had already graduated)
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

  • Dated: 3.3 years
    Engaged: 1 year

    When my friends get engaged, I prefer they do it after being together at least a year. I say nothing, of course, if it happens in less because it's their choice and their relationship and none of my business at all - but I care about them and want what's best for them. I have seen people get married early on for the wrong reasons. But I've also seen people in long-term relationships do that, too. I'm just a cautious, worried person.
  • @LMc0322 I share your dislike of summer.  Usually it is nice, but when I am wearing a dress?  Ick!  Late winter/early spring sounds really nice!

  • We were dating just over 9 months when we got engaged.

    Our engagement will be exactly one year.

    It definitely depends on the couple.  I know a lot of people who couldn't have imagined marrying anyone they dated for that amount of time.  For us, it was the right thing to do.  Everyone has their own pace.

  • We dated for a little over three years before we got engaged.  We had a 15-month engagement.

  • kerbohl said:
    @LMc0322 I share your dislike of summer.  Usually it is nice, but when I am wearing a dress?  Ick!  Late winter/early spring sounds really nice!
    Ugh yes.  I just felt like I'd be a hot, sweaty mess.  Plus, it's so humid here.  I would frizz. :)
  • Dating: three years, one month

    Engaged: eleven months, one day

    And I side-eye short dating periods followed by a wedding, but it's mostly because my sister got engaged to a shady guy she'd known for six months and who is ten years older than her, and that was two years ago. They still haven't set a date, so I don't understand why they couldn't just, you know, date over these two years unless he was just wanting to stake a claim.

    I also don't like it when my coworkers talk down about my relationship because they're married despite knowing their husbands for a significantly shorter time than I've known my fiance. Your relationship is no less important than mine because you're married, so stop telling me how to live my life and develop my relationship.


  • We had been dating for almost 4 years when we got engaged, but only because we were waiting for me to graduate (he jumped the gun by 3 months since I only had one class left, lol). We knew we wanted to get married about 2 years before that, but agreed we both wanted to be out of school, first.

    We were engaged for 14 months, mostly because that's how far in advance our venue was booked in terms of dates that would have worked for us. This was also the only time we each lived on our own, so I think it was a good time to wait and make sure we could handle "real" life outside of college.

    Follow Me (and my wedding!) on Pinterest
    50 in 2012 Reading Challenge: 2 books read
    my read shelf:

    Katie Rizzo's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • My FH and I were together for almost 2 years when we got engaged, and it will be just shy of 2 years from engagement date to wedding date. We've known each other for 30 years but it took us awhile to realize we wanted to be together. We will be in our early 30's when we get married(we have known each other since birth).

    My older sister was with her DH for 6 years before they got engaged and were engaged for a year before they got married. They meet their freshman year of college and dated throughout all of college and were engaged a year out of school. They joke that instead of the 7 year itch and split, they got the 7 year itch and got hitched.

    There is no rhyme or reason to how soon people go from dating to engaged. I have a friend who was with one guy and engaged to him, but they ended their engagement after 2 years. With in a month of ending her engagement with him she was engaged to someone else and they married 3 months later. She and her DH are still together and her ex just got married. Whereas a friend from high school had a sister who was with her exH for 15 years before they got married and they divorced less than a year later.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • Together 8.5 years

    Engaged 3 years

    We also waited 2 years before moving in together.  However, we had been talking marriage as soon as 6 months in.  I had some debt issues to take care of and he got laid off a few months after we started dating.  After we both got settled into more stable jobs, he wanted to go for his MBA and wanted to wait until he was done with that before proposing.

    Marriage was always in the cards, and only when I got a little drunk would I ever push the issue.  We had lots of folks give us the "it's about time" line, but for us, the timing was just right.

     

  • Dating - 4 years
    Engaged - 14 months

    I've known people who date for 10 years, get married and then immediately divorce and then I worked with a guy who knew his wife for 3 months and they had a JOP wedding and are still married (and totally in love) 30 years later. I'd say the formula is not based on length of time, but love and dedication to making it work.

    I'm in the same boat as @southernbelle0915. A good friend of mine dated her SO for about 3 months before they got engaged. It turned some heads, but they are one of the happiest couples I know and have been married for years now. There are plenty of people who date for years and quickly end up separating after marriage. It truly is dependent on the couple and everything that goes into their relationship. Everyone has a different dynamic and faces different challenges. Being with someone for a longer amount of time does not necessarily make a relationship more likely to last.

  • Dating-a little over a year
    Engaged-3.5 years by the time we get married. (A lot of stuff came up that we had to keep pushing back wedding planning)
    I think it depends on the couple and to say that there's a set appropriate time for everyone is pretty silly.
  • We were dating for almost four years when we got engaged and will have been engaged for two years almost to the day when we get married. We've been together 5 1/2 years, total. Most of that was college and grad school, hence the long engagement (we'd just started our master's degrees when we got engaged).
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    140 invited -- 118 are ready to party! -- 27 can't make it

  • LakeR2014 said:
    My friends and I recently had a discussion on the appropriate time for a relationship to move into an engagement and an engagement into marriage. I believe it depends on the couple, they disagreed.    So my question is:  How long were you and your SO together before you became engaged? How long were you engaged before you got married?  Do you think there's a set amount time that a couple should have before progressing to each level?

    We will have been together for 12 years this December.

    We will have been engaged for 1 year at the end of this month, and for over two years by the time we get married.

    I don't think time dictates these relationship milestones, but rather emotional maturity, financial stability, etc.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • We were dating for 19 months when we got engaged. We started dating August 2010 and got engaged March 2012. We are getting married this August. So we have a 17 month engagement (although it doesnt feel like its been that long...time flew by!).

    The day before the wedding will be our 3 year anniversary of when we started dating.

    I agree that it really depends on the individuals. There is no right or wrong in this case...its just about how you feel.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • I've been with my FI since I was 13, so our timeline is definitely out of the ordinary. I agree with pps that it depends on the couple. I know a couple who was together for 4 years, but ended up divorced in less than a month (cheating problems). I'm also attending a wedding this summer for a couple who will be together for a year exactly on their wedding date.

    Dating: 10 years
    Engaged: will be 2 years by the time we get married

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • cmsciulli said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    My friends and I recently had a discussion on the appropriate time for a relationship to move into an engagement and an engagement into marriage. I believe it depends on the couple, they disagreed.    So my question is:  How long were you and your SO together before you became engaged? How long were you engaged before you got married?  Do you think there's a set amount time that a couple should have before progressing to each level?

    We will have been together for 12 years this December.

    We will have been engaged for 1 year at the end of this month, and for over two years by the time we get married.

    I don't think time dictates these relationship milestones, but rather emotional maturity, financial stability, etc.
    We just had our 12 year anniversary in April.  After we got married (last October) I asked if we would still celebrate the dating anniversary and H was all of course we will!

     

  • We were together almost 4 and a half years when FI popped the question, and we'll be engaged 18 months before the wedding (we'll be married 6 years to the day of the day we first met).  It's definitely a different-from-couple-to-couple thing.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We had been dating for 2 years, 3 months before we got engaged. However, we started talking marriage after one month. We knew we wanted to get married but an engagement just wasn't in the cards financially for a while. We will have been engaged for 18 months when we are married, mostly because it gave enough time to save for the wedding and also because I will have graduated with my masters by then. As many have said, it depends on the couple. My parents were engaged within two months, married in less than a year after meeting and they have been married 38 years in July.
  • Dating: 4 years exactly
    Engaged: will be 13 months

    We were partners and knew we would get married long before that, but wanted to get on solid financial footing before making it official. I actually agree with some of you about summer; I never dreamed of an August wedding, but it was just the best time for our friends and family (lots of students and teachers).

    OP your friends are definitely wrong. I know I'm pretty "average" here but I firmly believe there's no right or wrong amount of time.
  • Dated a little over 1.5 years before we got engaged.
    By the time we get married, we'll have been engaged about 18 months.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • cmsciulli said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    My friends and I recently had a discussion on the appropriate time for a relationship to move into an engagement and an engagement into marriage. I believe it depends on the couple, they disagreed.    So my question is:  How long were you and your SO together before you became engaged? How long were you engaged before you got married?  Do you think there's a set amount time that a couple should have before progressing to each level?

    We will have been together for 12 years this December.

    We will have been engaged for 1 year at the end of this month, and for over two years by the time we get married.

    I don't think time dictates these relationship milestones, but rather emotional maturity, financial stability, etc.
    We just had our 12 year anniversary in April.  After we got married (last October) I asked if we would still celebrate the dating anniversary and H was all of course we will!
    Oh you know I will celebrate how long we have been together, lol! 

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Dated 13 months before getting engaged.
    Will be engaged 13 months before getting married.
  • Our wedding date (10-25-13) is taking place on our 12th dating anniversary, so by the time we're married, we'll have been together 12 years.

     

    We got engaged 4-1-13 (yes, April Fool's Day), so our engagement will be almost 7 months by then.

     

     

     

    In other words, it definitely does depend on the couple.  FI and I have known each other since 7th grade. We went through middle school and high school periodically crushing on each other, but nothing ever happened.  We finally got together, dated through college, then grad school, through starting careers and moving, etc.

    Marriage was never really a big deal to us, but we decided this year that it's time, and so we're having a small, low-key wedding in the fall with only family in attendance.

    Officially hitched as of 10/25/13

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

     

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

     

     

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards