Wedding Party Woes

crimsonbride1031

So, i'll try to make this brief, but the FI has almost no opinion in this matter and is leaving it up to me. (Note: Not using real names).

Issue:  We want a small wedding party (he wanted none, but I told him atleast one bridesmaid and groomsman.)  I have already invited my closest and almost only friend to be one of my bridesmaids (call her Sally), same for him, he asked his best buddy to be his groomsman (Call him John). I recently changed jobs, and one of my previous coworkers has been glued to me for about the past three years (yes we're friends, but I don't consider us close.)  She's already asked me if she could be a bridesmaid (I skirted that off by saying we hadn't discussed if were having a wedding party or how many people we were having in it).  And she's also invited herself to come along when I go dress shopping for my gown.  I'd like to ask Sally to be my MOH, but then my FI said he wouldn't want John to be his best man, he would rather Mike be his best man.  And FI doesn't want an uneven wedding party (I could care less). So how awkward would it be if I had a MOH and him no BM?  And then on top of things, if this former coworker of mine comes to the wedding and sees I have a wedding party and didn't ask her, she would probably throw a hissy fit.  Im ready to pull my hair out over this.

beardownbchs

cmpondo1031 said: So, i'll try to make this brief, but the FI has almost no opinion in this matter and is leaving it up to me. (Note: Not using real names). Issue:  We want a small wedding party (he wanted none, but I told him atleast one bridesmaid and groomsman.)  I have already invited my closest and almost only friend to be one of my bridesmaids (call her Sally), same for him, he asked his best buddy to be his groomsman (Call him John). I recently changed jobs, and one of my previous coworkers has been glued to me for about the past three years (yes we're friends, but I don't consider us close.)  She's already asked me if she could be a bridesmaid (I skirted that off by saying we hadn't discussed if were having a wedding party or how many people we were having in it).  And she's also invited herself to come along when I go dress shopping for my gown.  I'd like to ask Sally to be my MOH, but then my FI said he wouldn't want John to be his best man, he would rather Mike be his best man.  And FI doesn't want an uneven wedding party (I could care less). So how awkward would it be if I had a MOH and him no BM?  And then on top of things, if this former coworker of mine comes to the wedding and sees I have a wedding party and didn't ask her, she would probably throw a hissy fit.  Im ready to pull my hair out over this.


You need to tell your fiance that putting numbers over people and relationships is ridiculous and he needs to get over it. By "wanting an even wedding party", you're basically saying that the symmetry in pictures and flow of the ceremony is more important than your friendship. His side of the wedding party is one of the few things you should have absolutely no say over and the same for your side. He could have 12 groomsmen with no best man. He could have groomswomen. Or he could have no groomsmen. It doesn't matter. And same for you. But please don't let someone bully you into being in your wedding party. If you don't want your co-worker to be a bridesmaid, don't. Explain it to her - be gentle but honest. She can always dress shop and do wedding-related things with you if she wants without being a bridesmaid. Good luck!

mlg78

My fiancé was alllllll about having even sides even though I could care less so we had 4 on each side...until this week when he finally added a 5th that he'd regretted not asking since the beginning.

Just tell the coworker that you're having a very small wedding party.  1-2 on each side is definitely small.  Nobody should ASK to be in your wedding anyway...it's not their place to do so, it's yours.  Let her come along dress shopping if you're okay with it or do other wedding stuff with you if she is interested in doing so.

wittykitty14

cmpondo1031 said:

So, i'll try to make this brief, but the FI has almost no opinion in this matter and is leaving it up to me. (Note: Not using real names).

Issue:  We want a small wedding party (he wanted none, but I told him atleast one bridesmaid and groomsman.)  I have already invited my closest and almost only friend to be one of my bridesmaids (call her Sally), same for him, he asked his best buddy to be his groomsman (Call him John). I recently changed jobs, and one of my previous coworkers has been glued to me for about the past three years (yes we're friends, but I don't consider us close.)  She's already asked me if she could be a bridesmaid (I skirted that off by saying we hadn't discussed if were having a wedding party or how many people we were having in it).  And she's also invited herself to come along when I go dress shopping for my gown.  I'd like to ask Sally to be my MOH, but then my FI said he wouldn't want John to be his best man, he would rather Mike be his best man.  And FI doesn't want an uneven wedding party (I could care less). So how awkward would it be if I had a MOH and him no BM?  And then on top of things, if this former coworker of mine comes to the wedding and sees I have a wedding party and didn't ask her, she would probably throw a hissy fit.  Im ready to pull my hair out over this.

1.) It's perfectly acceptable to have uneven sides.  What matters most is that you have the ones closest with you by your side.  Sally can be your MOH, and your FI can do whatever he would like.  Two GMs is fine, or two BMs, or he can have Mike be BM and John as GM.  Nothing is right or wrong.  It's whoever you're closest to.

2.) Don't feel like you have to include this friend in your party.  You said it yourself-you're not that close.  There's your answer right there.  If she throws a hissy fit, that's NOT on you.  Let her throw her hissy fit.  She'll be the one looking silly.

3.) My advice is to keep wedding talk to a minimum with her.  Unless you really want her there, don't feel obligated to invite her dress shopping with her.  If she doesn't know that you've already made up your mind about her not being in the WP, then something like this might rub her nose in it (even though she offered).  I hate when people invite themselves to be a part of anything (like being a bridesmaid, for example).  I wouldn't involve her in the wedding at all.

Good luck to you!

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crimsonbride1031

you gals are awesome, thank you for the responses...I don't feel so bad about excluding her now