Maybe the wedding blues?

cofkel

Hello all. So my wedding is in 31 days. I am just feeling very meh about the whole thing. I am very excited to marry my fiance, he is the love of my life, but the rest of it just stresses me out. I am not normally a high stress person but just thinking about the wedding makes me anxious. My brother passed away two years ago and I feel like that is hanging over my head a little bit with planning a wedding without him, and my dog had to go the the vet today (cushings disease apparently), but none of that even really explains this sort of down feeling I am having. I hate it because it is incredibly uncharacteristic of me. Did anyone feel like this beforehand? Is it just the buildup to something you spend so much time planning? I have cried more in the last month than I have in a long time, to the point where I took a pregnancy test. Any advice? Just chill out and drink some wine?

itzMS

cofkel said:

Hello all. So my wedding is in 31 days. I am just feeling very meh about the whole thing. I am very excited to marry my fiance, he is the love of my life, but the rest of it just stresses me out. I am not normally a high stress person but just thinking about the wedding makes me anxious. My brother passed away two years ago and I feel like that is hanging over my head a little bit with planning a wedding without him, and my dog had to go the the vet today (cushings disease apparently), but none of that even really explains this sort of down feeling I am having. I hate it because it is incredibly uncharacteristic of me. Did anyone feel like this beforehand? Is it just the buildup to something you spend so much time planning? I have cried more in the last month than I have in a long time, to the point where I took a pregnancy test. Any advice? Just chill out and drink some wine?

Yep. DH & my bar bill was craaaazy high in the month leading up to our wedding.

Enjoying a drink or two (or seven) is an excellent temporary solution to a temporary problem.

hlvonb

I have not had it before or yet but one of my aunts works in the wedding industry and she has "warned" me about this. She says it can happen to any bride (especially those with a longer engagement or who took the planning all upon themselves) and that it's because after the wedding there wont be anything big (like a wedding) for you to plan. I am sorry to hear about your brother and your dog. I am sure that isn't helping anything. Have you thought about doing a memory table? I know we're thinking of doing that and it's a small table put in the reception and its to remember those who we love who are there celebrating with us just not in person. It's good for grandparents, brothers, any close friend or family member. Just a thought. I hope you feel better (not so blue) soon though.

cofkel

Thank you both for responding. I feel a little crazy with how blah I have been. As I said, totally uncharacteristic of me. I am just worrying so much about things that are so stupid. I just feel like I want this whole this to be over, be married and move on with life already.

hlvonb

Maybe you need to just take a day and do what you want to do (non wedding related) like go see a movie or something. And on the bright side you'll be married in almost no time

rel1988

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm expecting it to be like the most monumental Christmas ever. You put so much time into choosing things people will enjoy and all this thought goes into it...and come midnight on your wedding day you just have a giant mess and are asking yourself "ok, what now?!"

allispain

This happened to me as well - a few weeks ago I was definitely feeling like I just wanted to get it all over with. A month after the wedding we'll be moving, I'll be starting a new job (first one out of grad school), and FI is still searching for work in our new city. We've been concentrating on these other things a lot, which for awhile made the wedding (not the marriage, just the big party part) seem less important and like a hassle to plan. 

This being said, now that the wedding is just a few days away, I'm having a blast finishing up some projects, talking about day-of plans with my BMs, and just looking forward to it all coming together! I'm sure you'll get your excitement back soon too!!

SapphireCounselor

I felt something like this around my month mark too. Not blah, exactly, but just this intense sense of being completely over planning. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had just moved to a new city, temorarily 5 hours from my fiance', and was basically just waiting for him to join me up here after two years of a long-distance relationship. Now that we're both settled - and the wedding is two weeks away - I am both frantic with all we have left to do and just really excited. I will say that I feel a lot more relaxed after getting our marriage license yesterday simply because I know we now have all the legal stuff covered.

runpipparun

I've been feeling this way since April, and we're getting married next weekend. Part if it has to do with the Boston Marathon. I was so excited to run it, was looking forward to it since I qualified last year, and... it was devastating. I spent a few weeks after grieving (which was complicated by the fact that my brother got married two weeks after; I felt so guilty that I was so sad during his wedding, it was awful, and I couldn't help it). Going back to planning in May was hard.

June has just felt so pressure-filled and rushed. I'm having a hard time making decisions, and like a PP said above, I've taken way too much on myself for what I've been through in the last few months. I want to enjoy what's left, but I don't know how. It's all timelines, and cleaning, and gift bags, and meetings.

TheBaysideBride

I've been feeling this a lot. I know the day will be awesome, and I can't wait until FI is my husband, but I'm finding that I'm snapping at him about EVERYTHING, and I'm very sensitive. I just feel stretched thin between work, wedding planning and everything else. My brother is also getting married (next week), which has added more stress bc he and his fiance are very different from me -exclusive, demanding, etc.

Oh, and I broke my foot last week so I am in pain and can't walk or work out!!! UGH.

So yes, I can relate. I'm trying to "enjoy this time" but I can't wait until the first month that we're back from our honeymoon and just enjoying each other.

Angelface225

It could just be pre-wedding stress, but some of your descriptions also sound like the start of depression. Continue to self monitor and if you're not feeling better after the wedding, you may want to seek out some help. I don't want to completely dismiss it, just in case.

erinlin25

give yourself a day off from planning-- you and FI should go do something fun, un-wedding related.  The last month leading up to the wedding I was excited, but definitely just ready for it to happen so I feel you there.  The week before was the hardest for me with all the last minute stuff to do, so a drink or five definitely got me through it! 

No joke, it will fly by and you will miss it a little--so enjoy it as much as you can! 

wittykitty14

I hear ya.  Sounds like my wedding is the weekend after yours, so we've got the same time frame going on.

My stress level has been really high, which says a lot considering I'm a very anxious/stressed out person. There are a lot of personal issues I'm dealing with on top of the wedding, and it's taken its toll on me.  Bottom line is that I'm just burnt out, and I want nothing more than to be married and move on.  I cry almost daily (which I hadn't been doing prior to the last month or so), so I know that I'm a little more on edge.

It's really difficult to think about a wedding when you have loved ones that have passed.  My memere died almost 6 years ago, and my pepere passed right before this last Christmas.  I was incredibly close to both of them, particularly my pepere since I had more time with him.  I grieve for him every day, and it makes me so sad that he's not here to see me get married.  We were very close, and he was my last surviving grandparent.  It's hard to plan such a happy occassion when there are parts of it that make you sad-like missing someone who's gone.  I just remember that even though they're not here physically, I can still feel their presence beside me.  It helps me get through.

You're definitely not crazy, and you're not alone.  I suggest taking some time away from the planning, as hard as that can be.  Even if it's something small, like a bubble bath or watching a movie.  Allowing yourself to have that space from the wedding has been helpful for me.

Good luck to you!

rel1988

I feel like I'm a terrible bride half the time. It's not that I'm not excited about getting married, I just hate the planning. Thank god our engagement will only be 9months to the day. I wish I could just fast forward to the day and be on our way to the honeymoon. I also have a lot going on---looking for another job, considering going back to school and my dad was just diagnosed with cancer. I love summer but this year I'm just wishing it away so the wedding can be here and I don't have to worry about it.

jarednmegan

Oh, man. Our wedding is still about five months away and I've already dealt with the blues. I really think a lot of it is just typical stress -- hopefully that's the case for you as well, and nothing more serious (like relationship-with-FI-wise).

It's been a challenge keeping the balance between work, family, friends, wedding planning, etc. When the planning first started, FI had to cut in and say, "Hey, when we're together I'd like for us to focus on other things besides the wedding." I'm so glad he spoke up, because otherwise I would have had no idea he felt that way.

I'm with @wittykitty14...you need a mental health day or two. Maybe a movie night with your gal pals and/or a date night with FI doing something random like mini-golf or paintball. Or, as one of my friends did with her FI a week or two before their wedding...bake cookies.

runpipparun

I got some really awesome news that has taken a load off my mind. I qualify for in-state tuition for my graduate program even though I live on the border, which will save us a TON of money, and I don't have to turn in a FAFSA the same week as the wedding. I don't think I knew how much that was weighing on me. I still have wedding stressors, but I'm not dreading the coming week as much. No FAFSA! Yay.

jarednmegan

runpipparun said:

I got some really awesome news that has taken a load off my mind. I qualify for in-state tuition for my graduate program even though I live on the border, which will save us a TON of money, and I don't have to turn in a FAFSA the same week as the wedding. I don't think I knew how much that was weighing on me. I still have wedding stressors, but I'm not dreading the coming week as much. No FAFSA! Yay.

That's wonderful!!! I tried to figure this out based on what you wrote, but how much longer until your wedding?

runpipparun

jarednmegan said:

runpipparun said:

I got some really awesome news that has taken a load off my mind. I qualify for in-state tuition for my graduate program even though I live on the border, which will save us a TON of money, and I don't have to turn in a FAFSA the same week as the wedding. I don't think I knew how much that was weighing on me. I still have wedding stressors, but I'm not dreading the coming week as much. No FAFSA! Yay.

That's wonderful!!! I tried to figure this out based on what you wrote, but how much longer until your wedding?


9 days. Omg... Scary how close it is.

jarednmegan

runpipparun said:

runpipparun said:

I got some really awesome news that has taken a load off my mind. I qualify for in-state tuition for my graduate program even though I live on the border, which will save us a TON of money, and I don't have to turn in a FAFSA the same week as the wedding. I don't think I knew how much that was weighing on me. I still have wedding stressors, but I'm not dreading the coming week as much. No FAFSA! Yay.

That's wonderful!!! I tried to figure this out based on what you wrote, but how much longer until your wedding?

9 days. Omg... Scary how close it is.

Wow, that is close. You feel like the planning time went pretty quickly, then? In some ways my wedding feels like it's a long way off (Nov. 23), but then again it will probably be here before we know it.

runpipparun

jarednmegan said:

runpipparun said:

runpipparun said:

I got some really awesome news that has taken a load off my mind. I qualify for in-state tuition for my graduate program even though I live on the border, which will save us a TON of money, and I don't have to turn in a FAFSA the same week as the wedding. I don't think I knew how much that was weighing on me. I still have wedding stressors, but I'm not dreading the coming week as much. No FAFSA! Yay.

That's wonderful!!! I tried to figure this out based on what you wrote, but how much longer until your wedding?

9 days. Omg... Scary how close it is.

Wow, that is close. You feel like the planning time went pretty quickly, then? In some ways my wedding feels like it's a long way off (Nov. 23), but then again it will probably be here before we know it.

Well... April was so slow because it felt like the marathon would NEVER get here, I was SOOO excited about going back and running it again. And then when it got here, I lost track of the days for a few weeks because all I did was watch CNN until my counselor told me to turn the TV off. (Smart lady.) May kind of flew by and June is flying back.

Although, I'm *crosses fingers* so far really on top of things, so it feels like I'm waiting for the wedding now, rather than the opposite --- that there's not enough time to get everything done.

jarednmegan

runpipparun said:

jarednmegan said:

runpipparun said:

jarednmegan said:

runpipparun said:

I got some really awesome news that has taken a load off my mind. I qualify for in-state tuition for my graduate program even though I live on the border, which will save us a TON of money, and I don't have to turn in a FAFSA the same week as the wedding. I don't think I knew how much that was weighing on me. I still have wedding stressors, but I'm not dreading the coming week as much. No FAFSA! Yay.

That's wonderful!!! I tried to figure this out based on what you wrote, but how much longer until your wedding?

9 days. Omg... Scary how close it is.

Wow, that is close. You feel like the planning time went pretty quickly, then? In some ways my wedding feels like it's a long way off (Nov. 23), but then again it will probably be here before we know it.



Well... April was so slow because it felt like the marathon would NEVER get here, I was SOOO excited about going back and running it again. And then when it got here, I lost track of the days for a few weeks because all I did was watch CNN until my counselor told me to turn the TV off. (Smart lady.) May kind of flew by and June is flying back.

Although, I'm *crosses fingers* so far really on top of things, so it feels like I'm waiting for the wedding now, rather than the opposite --- that there's not enough time to get everything done.

Sure beats the alternative of rushing around at the last minute and being too stressed to enjoy it. Hope that all continues to run as smoothly as possible

rajahmd

I have a feeling I'll be super stressed in the month leading up to the wedding. I have to make up two rotations the two months prior to my wedding. The first one won't be too bad, except for the 45 minute commute twice a day. The second one could be worse, as alot of my classmates say it sucked. The worst part: I have to take a test two days before my wedding. That last week will suck. Thankfully, we've got advanced notice and FI understands that he might have to pick up alot of slack so I can study. It's gonna be rough, but we'll make it and at the end of the week we'll be married. That's what I try to focus on.

jarednmegan

RajahBMFD said:

I have a feeling I'll be super stressed in the month leading up to the wedding. I have to make up two rotations the two months prior to my wedding. The first one won't be too bad, except for the 45 minute commute twice a day. The second one could be worse, as alot of my classmates say it sucked. The worst part: I have to take a test two days before my wedding. That last week will suck. Thankfully, we've got advanced notice and FI understands that he might have to pick up alot of slack so I can study. It's gonna be rough, but we'll make it and at the end of the week we'll be married. That's what I try to focus on.

What's your schooling for? With "rotations," I'm guessing you're getting a nursing degree...?

Keep that positive attitude and you'll be just fine. At least your FI is being supportive. That makes it somewhat less stressful, just knowing you can count on the man you're about to marry.

Bubblegum5586

I'm closing in on the 3 month mark which feels CRAZY to me (since we had an 18 month engagement I felt it was take forever to get here!).

I have had some stressful times but nothing too bad yet (I took a new job 3 months ago which is awesome but alot of pressure and responsibility. Also we are closing for 5 months - $23 million renovation to our arena and our GRAND Reopening is my FIRST day back to work after the honeymoon!!!)

I'm glad I read this thread though and knowing ahead of time... it is normal to get very stressed or even down. I hope to stay ahead of it... but don't we all?!!?! Good luck to all the ladies with their upcoming day and please send some luck my way too!

Bubblegum5586

runpipparun said:

I've been feeling this way since April, and we're getting married next weekend. Part if it has to do with the Boston Marathon. I was so excited to run it, was looking forward to it since I qualified last year, and... it was devastating. I spent a few weeks after grieving (which was complicated by the fact that my brother got married two weeks after; I felt so guilty that I was so sad during his wedding, it was awful, and I couldn't help it). Going back to planning in May was hard.

June has just felt so pressure-filled and rushed. I'm having a hard time making decisions, and like a PP said above, I've taken way too much on myself for what I've been through in the last few months. I want to enjoy what's left, but I don't know how. It's all timelines, and cleaning, and gift bags, and meetings.

I'm glad to see you were safe at the marathon and I hope so was your family and friends. I am from MA and was working just north of the city at the time. So like most people in the area I know someone who was affected. That first month after was hard and it was even harder to not keep reading every little devestating news article on it.

jarednmegan

bubblegum1309 said:

runpipparun said:

I've been feeling this way since April, and we're getting married next weekend. Part if it has to do with the Boston Marathon. I was so excited to run it, was looking forward to it since I qualified last year, and... it was devastating. I spent a few weeks after grieving (which was complicated by the fact that my brother got married two weeks after; I felt so guilty that I was so sad during his wedding, it was awful, and I couldn't help it). Going back to planning in May was hard.

June has just felt so pressure-filled and rushed. I'm having a hard time making decisions, and like a PP said above, I've taken way too much on myself for what I've been through in the last few months. I want to enjoy what's left, but I don't know how. It's all timelines, and cleaning, and gift bags, and meetings.

I'm glad to see you were safe at the marathon and I hope so was your family and friends. I am from MA and was working just north of the city at the time. So like most people in the area I know someone who was affected. That first month after was hard and it was even harder to not keep reading every little devestating news article on it.

@runpipparun, I totally missed the part of one of your PPs to me where you mentioned running the Boston Marathon. I know you're probably trying to move past what happened, but I feel like a jerk. Sometimes I have a hard time following these threads when they start getting long and lots of people are posting...plus, reading comprehension isn't my strongest suit.

lfk2013

TheBaysideBride said:

I've been feeling this a lot. I know the day will be awesome, and I can't wait until FI is my husband, but I'm finding that I'm snapping at him about EVERYTHING, and I'm very sensitive. I just feel stretched thin between work, wedding planning and everything else. My brother is also getting married (next week), which has added more stress bc he and his fiance are very different from me -exclusive, demanding, etc.

Oh, and I broke my foot last week so I am in pain and can't walk or work out!!! UGH.

So yes, I can relate. I'm trying to "enjoy this time" but I can't wait until the first month that we're back from our honeymoon and just enjoying each other.

I'm starting to have this, too...even though have a few more months, it's stressing me out.  I know everything will come together in the end, but some days it doesn't feel like it.  Especially when it comes to dealing with my sister (my maid of honor) who, for lack of a better word, is lazy.  I even googled it today.    The good thing is that it'll pass and it seems like doing little things for yourself will help.

Good luck to you!

ponyprose

I'm in the same boat, and we've only got 5 days to go.  I've been really snappy and short-fused with my FI, I cry almost daily, and all my other stresses feel utterly overwhelming, sometimes.  You're not alone!

Dreamergirl8812

ponyprose said:

I'm in the same boat, and we've only got 5 days to go.  I've been really snappy and short-fused with my FI, I cry almost daily, and all my other stresses feel utterly overwhelming, sometimes.  You're not alone!

@ponyprose - Congratulations, it looks like you're getting married today!