Here's a new one...two SOs?

Viczaesar

Jen4948 said:

If this is not a poly relationship, then I think he should get 1 plus one and he'll have to decide who that's going to be.

Otherwise, if you can fit them all in, invite all 3.

It can be a poly relationship and still not have all three be dating each other.  There are many, many forms of polyamorous relationships.

Jen4948

Viczaesar said:

Jen4948 said:

If this is not a poly relationship, then I think he should get 1 plus one and he'll have to decide who that's going to be.

Otherwise, if you can fit them all in, invite all 3.

It can be a poly relationship and still not have all three be dating each other.  There are many, many forms of polyamorous relationships.

Never suggested that.  But, if all 3 are not dating each other, then I think he should get one plus one and decide who that will be.

MoonlightSilver

We tell people all the time that significant others should be named on the invitation, not listed as a "plus 1."  I don't see how having two significant others would mean you should be treated like a truly single person. 

I still vote ask him which person he intends to bring along, and invite her by name. 

phira

Yeah, I agree that you should ask him (when you're getting ready to address invites) who he's bringing.

@pesematology, I think you also have a great point--this guest might live with one of his girlfriends, and that might make things easier.

86Bride2B

I'll be honest I would address it to him and a guest.. singular. You aren't choosing who he has to bring, but he does have to choose one.. or none for that matter. Maybe it isn't right etiquette wise, but like someone said above, what if he has 10 gfs by the time the wedding gets there.. he doesn't get 10 guests... weddings cost money. I mean I have a lot of friends but that doesn't mean I can just take them all to whatever wedding I want to go to. If I were single it isn't like I could be like well geesh, I will just take a few of my closest friends to this wedding so that i'm not lonely.. no I would have to pick one person to go with or none. Weddings cost money. If he can't choose, he can go alone. Life is  a bitch 

86Bride2B

Okay.. fine for those having problems with the "what if he has 10" thing.. what if he adds a 3rd..  this happens... then what, he gets him and his 3 gfs? or 4?.. Sorry, I guess i'm not that generous with my wallet, haha.

 

86Bride2B

Besides, if they rn't a social unit.. then he would probably only choose one anyway it sounds like

Simply Fated

I don't think "10 girlfriends" is ignorance so much as it's just a possible exaggeration.
Out of curiosity, what is the limit? Is there a limit?

MoonlightSilver

samrlynch said:

Okay.. fine for those having problems with the "what if he has 10" thing.. what if he adds a 3rd..  this happens... then what, he gets him and his 3 gfs? or 4?.. Sorry, I guess i'm not that generous with my wallet, haha.

 

I don't know many poly families that include more than 3 people who are all actively involved with and romantically dating each other. However, if they are a triad or a quad or a octagon, they're still one social unit.You wouldn't tell a family they can't bring two of their six children because you believe families only come in a 4 person size. You invite by social unit, not by body. 

ETA: And again, it seems they're not dating as a triad, but as two separate social units. So it makes sense for him to pick one girl to bring, regardless of whether he starts another relationship between now and the wedding.

Simply Fated

Moonlight, Sometimes to cut costs, people decide to not invite children of the guests. So a family of 6 isn't invited, just the two people in the social unit.
I would rarely suggest breaking up a social unit, which is why I ask, what is the limit, if there is a limit?

MoonlightSilver

Simply Fated said:

Moonlight, Sometimes to cut costs, people decide to not invite children of the guests. So a family of 6 isn't invited, just the two people in the social unit. I would rarely suggest breaking up a social unit, which is why I ask, what is the limit, if there is a limit?

Agreed about sometimes leaving children out, but it's an all or nothing within the family. With significant others, we say they must always be invited. I don't see how having more negates that, eh? 

Personally, I wouldn't have a limit. If 10 people are all romantically dating / involved with each other and manage to be part of one group relationship, then I think they deserve to all be invited together. But the possibility of that happening is so slim, I wouldn't even worry about it. 

wittykitty14

Given the fact that they're not a social unit together, just give him a plus one.  I know you already said you would, OP, but I still wanted to throw my two cents in there. 

I was in a similar situation.  We're inviting a guest who is sort-of still married.  We know he's still married, but we don't know if they live in the same house, or are separated, or what.  I've met this guy's "girlfriend" a few times, and we just assumed we'd invite her.  That's when FI and I found out he and his wife are still married, and we weren't sure what to do.  But wait, there's more!  Apparently this guy is a pimp, and his "girlfriend" isn't exactly his significant other, if you know what I mean.  So FI and I were like, "what?"  We have no idea if his wife knows about this or not.   FFIL talked to this guy about it, and they decided that it would be best to just write "and guest" on his.  So, that's what we did.  And of course, he sends back the RSVP with "2", and didn't actually say who's coming!  He might not know yet.  Idk.  We'll ask once it gets closer.

End story break.  I thought that it was relevant

southernbelle0915

OP, have you submitted this question to Miss Manners or Emily Post? I'm so curious what they would say - from an etiquette perspective. If they say plus one only, I'd pop some popcorn and watch an anthropologist/sociologist vs. Miss Manners/Emily Post thread like a Chinese ping pong match.

86Bride2B

@wittykitty  You have to tell me who he ends up bringing?!?! That is too funny.. I thought I was the only one experiencing crazy problems. I thought I had somewhat "normal" friends, (whatever that is) but apparently I was so very wrong! hahaha

harper0813

southernbelle0915 said:

OP, have you submitted this question to Miss Manners or Emily Post? I'm so curious what they would say - from an etiquette perspective. If they say plus one only, I'd pop some popcorn and watch an anthropologist/sociologist vs. Miss Manners/Emily Post thread like a Chinese ping pong match.

Or Etiquette Hell's "Hell's Bells". I love that site. The commenters are so sassy and they'd have a great time with this one.