Wedding Invitations & Paper

Invitation for Flower Girl??

So the flower girl for our wedding is going to be my FI's daughter. She will be about 6 1/2 years old at the time of our wedding next spring and has been in multiple friends' weddings already. Quick background story - he was married before, the ex ran around and cheated on him several times after she had pressured him into having a child with her (the reason it was several times was because he gave her two chances since they had a daughter together and he was trying to make it work for their daughter, and she did it a third time and he finally got hard proof of her cheating and told her to get out), she always tries to pawn their daughter off on us cause she doesn't want to watch her or deal with her (which we think is fine because the more we get his daughter the more we know she is being taken care of), and she (the ex) is a crazy b---- in general to the point where even her own family doesn't get along with her half the time. I assure you if you all could meet her in person, you would wonder how someone hasn't locked her up in a hospital yet. She's that bad. So I guess here is my question. First of all, do I need to write out an invite just for his daughter? Is that sort of required proper etiquette to send an invite to the flower girl? And secondly, do I need to mail it or could I just give it to her one time when we/his family have her? The reason I am asking is because I honestly wouldn't put it past his ex to try and wedding crash, so I really would rather not give her any details that I don't have to. Neither she nor any of her family is being invited to the wedding. She is always full of drama and trying to start b.s. stuff with him and his family, and she has admitted to people in his family that she is super jealous of me and she knows she screwed up when she cheated on him. Needless to say we try to avoid drama where possible. Any advice on how to tactfully handle this, especially from anyone who has had to deal with a crazy ex, would be appreciated. 

Re: Invitation for Flower Girl??

  • Paragraphs are your friend. That was hard to read. 

    Your flower girl is his daughter. The only reason you'd give her an invitation is because she'd like it and feel grown up for receiving one. Little kids generally don't care about pieces of paper. 

    You're making something an issue that's not an issue. 

    And if the ex is really this crazy and irresponsible, your FI should be pursuing full custody of his daughter. 
    So the flower girl for our wedding is going to be my FI's daughter. She will be about 6 1/2 years old at the time of our wedding next spring and has been in multiple friends' weddings already. Quick background story - he was married before, the ex ran around and cheated on him several times after she had pressured him into having a child with her (the reason it was several times was because he gave her two chances since they had a daughter together and he was trying to make it work for their daughter, and she did it a third time and he finally got hard proof of her cheating and told her to get out), she always tries to pawn their daughter off on us cause she doesn't want to watch her or deal with her (which we think is fine because the more we get his daughter the more we know she is being taken care of), and she (the ex) is a crazy b---- in general to the point where even her own family doesn't get along with her half the time. I assure you if you all could meet her in person, you would wonder how someone hasn't locked her up in a hospital yet. She's that bad. So I guess here is my question. First of all, do I need to write out an invite just for his daughter? Is that sort of required proper etiquette to send an invite to the flower girl? And secondly, do I need to mail it or could I just give it to her one time when we/his family have her? The reason I am asking is because I honestly wouldn't put it past his ex to try and wedding crash, so I really would rather not give her any details that I don't have to. Neither she nor any of her family is being invited to the wedding. She is always full of drama and trying to start b.s. stuff with him and his family, and she has admitted to people in his family that she is super jealous of me and she knows she screwed up when she cheated on him. Needless to say we try to avoid drama where possible. Any advice on how to tactfully handle this, especially from anyone who has had to deal with a crazy ex, would be appreciated. 

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  • Co-signed everything @PDKH said.
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  • LiLe422LiLe422 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2013
    Dude, she's 6 (aaaand FI's daughter.)  Why on earth would you feel the need to send her an invitation?
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  • I don't know...I just didn't know if it was the "proper thing" to do. I know she probably wouldn't care. I honestly didn't want to make it a big deal, I just didn't know what to do. That's why I was asking for opinions. And we have been trying to get a case together but at this point unless she physically abuses the daughter there is nothing the court systems will do where we are at. 
  • As usual, I agree with everything @PDKH said. Maybe ask your future step-daughter if she'd like an invitation of her own to keep. At 6, she's probably not going to care. Actually, if you're worried about FI's ex finding it, maybe best to err on not giving her one...point is, I wouldn't worry about sending her one. She's going to be part of the wedding as it is.
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Also, even though FI's ex is a crazy b___, she's still your future stepdaughter's mother. You're always going to have to have a relationship with her until Stepdaugher is 18...so might as well be the bigger person and not waste your energy complaining about her.
  • itsMS thank you but I do realize that. I have dealt with her for almost five years. I wasn't trying to be dramatic, I was honestly just asking for some advice on here. I usually don't say anything about her, even when she does something stupid, because I know it won't help matters. Sometimes dealing with the stupidity just gets a little frustrating and I guess I just let a little of it out on here because I wouldn't affect anyone involved in the situation by talking about it here. I know I need to be the bigger person and whenever I have to be around her I am always polite with a smile on my face, even if she ignores me.
  • Children (anyone under 18) do not need their own invitation. You can certainly give a child an invitation to make them feel grown up, but it is not required. It sounds like it could cause more drama by giving her the invitation.
  • Yep, just save her one. Maybe put it in a photo album for her.
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  • You might save your future stepdaughter an invitation, but your FI's ex does need to know that her daughter is expected to be involved in a wedding. I don't see how you can keep that secret from her even if she is a crazy b!tch. Have security available to escort her away if she does crash.
  • Oh I know she knows about it and it would be impossible to keep her from totally knowing about it. But I don't want to give her the impression that she is welcome, because she is not. Thank you all for your opinions. I do appreciate them all. 
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