The +1 Discussion with FI

CheleLyn

So, I told Jason that bc of our budget (thankfully I have stayed within it), we will not be doing +1. He looked at me like I had lost my ever loving mind and gave me a whole spiel about how around here it is implied that when you invite someone to something like a wedding it is a given that they may bring a guest/escort/whoever they may be seeing. I tried to explain to him that it is rude to just assume you may be bring a +1 to any event and that it adds a burden of extra expense on the hosts (in this case us). I eventually gave up the argument and just said "This is our food/booze budget for x-amount of people. We can NOT afford for just anyone to bring a +1." He thought I was being rude and unreasonable. I realize he has A LOT of friends, but A LOT of them he rarely sees.

Fast forward to this morning, I asked where B&K had their reception. He mentioned that so many extra people showed up that they didn't have enough food. I said, "And THAT is exactly my point!"

I am SO afraid of running out of food. Our caterer said that he prepares food as needed based on our headcount so the food is hot and fresh, and he generally aims for 10 extra people, just in case. I would be mortified if people who just know us start showing up at the reception for the free food and booze...and honestly, around here, I wouldn't be surprised!

I'm almost tempted to make it "By invitation only" LOL except that would be really be considered the height of rude here.

I have been VERY careful to not discuss the wedding with people I don't really want to attend. Right now the guest list sits at 81, but I have budgeted for 100 so the caterer will prepare for 110. 

What does one do if random people start showing up???

harper0813

Wait... These plus ones, are you talking about boyfriends/girlfriends, or are you talking about plus ones for truly single guests?

Plus ones for single guests are nice but optional, but anyone in a relationship should have their SO invited.

LDubHawksFan

I don't know why your wedding wouldn't be by invitation because that is how guests know they are invited. You don't have to give +1s to truly single people but anyone with a SO should get invited too. At the time of RSVPs if someone writes in, then you can explain that unfortunately they cannot be accommodated. But since its important to your FI I think you should sit down and discuss it more.

itzMS

CheleLyn said:

So, I told Jason that bc of our budget (thankfully I have stayed within it), we will not be doing +1. He looked at me like I had lost my ever loving mind and gave me a whole spiel about how around here it is implied that when you invite someone to something like a wedding it is a given that they may bring a guest/escort/whoever they may be seeing. I tried to explain to him that it is rude to just assume you may be bring a +1 to any event and that it adds a burden of extra expense on the hosts (in this case us). I eventually gave up the argument and just said "This is our food/booze budget for x-amount of people. We can NOT afford for just anyone to bring a +1." He thought I was being rude and unreasonable. I realize he has A LOT of friends, but A LOT of them he rarely sees.

Fast forward to this morning, I asked where B&K had their reception. He mentioned that so many extra people showed up that they didn't have enough food. I said, "And THAT is exactly my point!"

I am SO afraid of running out of food. Our caterer said that he prepares food as needed based on our headcount so the food is hot and fresh, and he generally aims for 10 extra people, just in case. I would be mortified if people who just know us start showing up at the reception for the free food and booze...and honestly, around here, I wouldn't be surprised!

I'm almost tempted to make it "By invitation only" LOL except that would be really be considered the height of rude here.

I have been VERY careful to not discuss the wedding with people I don't really want to attend. Right now the guest list sits at 81, but I have budgeted for 100 so the caterer will prepare for 110. 

What does one do if random people start showing up???

I am so confused by your post.

Your wedding is in a month...and you apparently are just having a free-for-all? Any wedding I've ever heard of is attendance by invitation only and the venues have strict capacity limits.

*shakes head* Inviting couples together is always required no matter if they have been together for 10 days or 10 years. If someone is truly single, you do not have to include a date.

CheleLyn

I'm talking +1s for the truly single. Those in relationships will have their SO invited by name.

Xstatic3333

zoberg said:

Wait... These plus ones, are you talking about boyfriends/girlfriends, or are you talking about plus ones for truly single guests?

Plus ones for single guests are nice but optional, but anyone in a relationship should have their SO invited.

This. Assuming you are referring to the truly single, though, good call on budgeting for 100. We were doing plus ones anyway, and a bunch of my friends got new relationships within the last month!

As for risk of people bringing uninvited guests, you could use the "___ seats have been reserved in your honor" technique on your reply cards if you're really concerned this will be confusing for your friend group. Or, if it is really important to your FI and your venue has space, you could cut back elsewhere to accommodate guests.

CheleLyn

My ticker needs to be updated, the date was postponed. It is NOT a free-for-all. "By invitation only", I am referring to showing your invitation to be allowed admittance, but I'm only kidding and wouldn't want the hassle.

itzMS

CheleLyn said:

I'm talking +1s for the truly single. Those in relationships will have their SO invited by name.

If your wedding is in a month...why haven't you sent out invitations yet?!

CheleLyn

Xstatic3333 said:

Wait... These plus ones, are you talking about boyfriends/girlfriends, or are you talking about plus ones for truly single guests? Plus ones for single guests are nice but optional, but anyone in a relationship should have their SO invited.

This. Assuming you are referring to the truly single, though, good call on budgeting for 100. We were doing plus ones anyway, and a bunch of my friends got new relationships within the last month! As for risk of people bringing uninvited guests, you could use the "___ seats have been reserved in your honor" technique on your reply cards if you're really concerned this will be confusing for your friend group. Or, if it is really important to your FI and your venue has space, you could cut back elsewhere to accommodate guests.

There's really no place to cut back, I kept a fairly small budget and although I have stayed within it, there is very little wiggle room.

I do like the idea of the seat reservation on the RSVP cards, though.

CheleLyn

itzMS said:

CheleLyn said:

I'm talking +1s for the truly single. Those in relationships will have their SO invited by name.

If your wedding is in a month...why haven't you sent out invitations yet?!

The ticker isn't updated. The wedding was postponed. 

aurianna

CheleLyn said:

My ticker needs to be updated, the date was postponed. It is NOT a free-for-all. "By invitation only", I am referring to showing your invitation to be allowed admittance, but I'm only kidding and wouldn't want the hassle.

I wouldn't do that. I lose those invites all the time.

You could do assigned tables. If people come in that aren't invited and don't have a place to sit, they pretty much need to leave.

aurianna

DP

southernbelle0915

If I understand, you're inviting SOs, but not +1s for your truly single guests? Nothing wrong with that. Is your wedding not "by invitation only"? If so, you should get a reasonable head count via your RSVPs. Try wording your RSVPs like this:

"We look forward to celebrating with you!

Name(s)__________________________

___ # attending 

___ decline with regret"

That way, you can nip it in the bud (or at least prepare for it if you decide to let it fly) if the truly single invite a guest.

ETA: "By invitation only" you meant basically using the invitation as a ticket at the door? Please don't do this. You'd be better off just buying some extra food than spending the money on a bouncer...