Has anyone else done a pre-nup?

kennede

My fiancé and I are going through the process right now.  We knew we were going to do it all along, but waited to the last minute (21 days until the wedding).  We are both pretty much in agreement with how it will read, but it still is a highly emotional process and I regret leaving it until this late in the game.  For the most part, the pre-nup is to protect me as I have more assets and to figure out how he buys into my house.  We are also looking at estate issues in case one of us pass away.  He has two kids.  I have none. How do we make it fair for both of us, etc.  Did anyone else out there go through the pre-nup process? Did it cause hardship and angst or can I hope to have it be pain-free? 

MikesAngie

We did not do a pre-nup.  My Xh had a living trust that like a pre-nup in WA became invalid after 5 years of marriage.  We were married for 9 3/4 years when I filed.  

You may want to research the limitations of the pre-nup most are considered invalid after a 5 year period. 

right1thistime

We did one.  It was emotional, but since we were both hurt financially in our divorces and we had different types of assets, but both had assets, we agreed to do it.  We waited till the last month as well.  I think you just don't want to face it when you are all glowy eyed (is that even a thing?) with wedding planning. 

Once it was done, we both cried, hugged, and agreed that we were relieved it was done.  We both kept copies, but I couldn't tell you where my copy is at this point. 

And 8 years later, I am still glad we did it.  Whether its valid or not, we both know that our intent was to be kind & fair to each other.  ~Donna

Jells2dot0

We did a prenup and at the same time, he created a living trust since he has two children (I have none.) We did it a few months prior to the wedding. The prenup for us was not emotional. We both work at the same place, have the same 401Ks, pensions, etc. So, the only thing that was left as community property is the home we live in. He is also 17 years older, so he just naturally has more assets (larger bank account and his home a we moved into my home) and I think it's totally fair to not have stake in that. The living trust was a little bit trickier. He decided to divide his estate into thirds, which threw me off guard a little since he has a strained relationship with his one daughter. I went into it thinking that he'd split it 50/50, then each kid would get a quarter. Ultimately, I kept my mouth shut and am now okay with how he chose to do it as I am his successor trustee and can help the transition of funds with the one daughter and I am also successful in my own right, so I really don't need his estate. In our case, the lawyer updated our prenup after our wedding. I think it's just called a marital agreement and it just re-emphasizes our wishes to continue with how the pre-nup was set up. We also keep it updated when things change (we just bought a new home, so now that is addressed.) At the end of the day, our pre-nup and marital agreement was a great thing to and we do not regret it for a second.

kennede

jells2dot0....For the estate piece, can I ask what you did with yours as you do not have kids.  We are in the same situation.  He has two children and I have none.  It would seem odd that if he dies he leaves most, if not all to his children and if I die he gets it all of my assets. Not that I mind leaving it all to him, it just feels so unbalanced. 

Jells2dot0

I have not addressed my estate in a formal manner yet. I have him listed as my primary beneficiary on everything (401K, life insurance, etc), with my brother being the secondary. I don't really have an issue with it all going to him because I have come to terms with the fact that there is a very strong chance I'll out live him, unless god forbid, there is an accident or such. If he does pass away before me, I will update it to have my estate to be left to my brother's children (he is getting married in two weeks and they are desperate for kids!) Because of our age and child situation, I figured making it formal wasn't something I needed to do right away since I already have him listed as my beneficiary on everything and our home is titled as joint tenants with right of surviorship. However, once I see how things play out, I may go and update it and start leaving half to my future nieces/nephews.