Civil Ceremony this Week!

dewingedpixie

Ladies I'm super excited about my civil ceremony this week! We are going to try to be married at the battlefield park up the road. We are talking about doing a picnic and cake afterwards. I bought a lovely olive green max azria sun dress for the occasion.

The best news is I now wont have to worry about getting a marriage license out of state for our feb wedding!

CarolinaHeart

Sooooo, you're a June '13 bride? Not a February '14 bride. 

dewingedpixie

Carolina I am having the "white wedding" in february. I lost my job last month. I have rather expensive health issues that mean I must maintain coverage. We chose to forgo cobra since it was extremely expensive and do a civil ceremony now and then the big ceremony in Feb. My best friend actually did the exact same thing she had  civil ceremony 2 days before christmas then her big wedding memorial weekend. Cobra is a crock of poo, and when you're already getting married shoveling out thousands for it is just a stupid move for all parties.

dewingedpixie

alisonmarie658 said:

So you're having a Pretty Princess Day in February -- not a wedding. (sorry, not a Feb 14 bride -- but saw this and had to comment.)

Call it what you will, but I view a wedding as something to celebrate. I did not plan to get married in June, but I cant go without coverage. When you have a massive health problem that requires thousands in chemotherapy a year for decades to not be disabled or die because your immune system decided to turn on you then you can talk to me about spending thousands on coverage or going without that or treatment.This was a choice we made that was run through our families and friends. Many military families do this as well. I really dont care what you think of what we did that was not a choice for us. We have a down payment on a wedding set up, and that planning is in motion, am I suposed to cancel an event our entire family is looking forward to because oh shit I have to have medical coverage? Am I suposed to just cancel the wedding that people know is coming because life threw us a curveball? So sorry that you think I should have decided to practically kill myself to have your idea of a "propper wedding".

TKzilla

dewingedpixie said:

I really dont care what you or ettiquette calls appropriate at this point, my best friend did the exact same thing 3 years ago. Everyone came to her wedding and we all enjoyed it together it was a great celebration and no one gave her flack. I paid 3 months ago a down payment for my wedding that I cant get back. I lost my job 3 weeks ago, and will start a new job in 3-4 weeks. I have travel booked, 3 venues booked, multiple down payments out, a dress in the closet, and adressed newsletters for our guests who have been budgetting to make the trek. Am I suposed to toss that and tell everyone oh sorry we wanted to celebrate with you but instead we just decided to flush the 5k we've already invested and take the other 15k we've saved because we got married early due to a fork in the road? 10 of my wedding guests have also purchased into races that weekend, one of those sets already cashed in vacation club points to go down. Am I suposed to just throw out the window that I'd like to have a Christian celebration not just a state celebration? Seriously ettiquette has its points but its not the end all be all. So instead of trying to poke sticks at people because you dont like the fact that sometimes life throws forks in the road realize that there are exceptions to every rule. If my family, and my friends are fine and accept this than why the hell does it matter to you? Is it because you get off being a bitch online because you have nothing better to do with your time? Seriously grow up. Dont you have a wedding to supposedly plan in October? Since according to you mine in February isn't important go plan your holier than thou celebration. Spend your time doing that rather than snubbing other people you get one life to celebrate focus on that rather than what you think everyone else should do with theirs. Bottom line is this if we as a couple, our family, and friends are ok with this than why does it matter to you other than you want to be a bitch just to make others miserable? Seriously why does it matter? One life live it in a manner you choose as long as it doesn't hurt others, let the anger out of your heart and celebrate life.

First of all, calm yourself.

Second of all, don't sit here and preach about "living life in a manner you choose as long as it doesn't hurt others, let the anger out of your heart and celebrate life" after you call another member a bitch. 

Thirdly (and most importantly) - you ARE married. Instead of having a wedding, have a celebration! Because at the end of the day, that civil ceremony was indeed your wedding. Own it! Love it. Celebrate your marriage now, not your wedding. I'm really sorry to hear about your health problems, but you chose to get married when you did for your own reasons, and you'll have to live with that. A civil ceremony is a wedding, just not a "pretty princess day". It's really offensive to some people when posters say that a civil ceremony isn't a "real wedding" because it comes off as you downplaying their own JOP wedding, or worse, that you are downplaying the rights that are denied to a group of American citizens every day.

That is this is such a hot button issue on The Knot, and why people get pretty angry when they here about it.

PS: You can't call another member "a bitch" - it's against the TOS you agreed to when you signed up.

Sierra524

Wow, you're a peach.

ETA: congrats on your WEDDING this week!

AllieBear725

I must be a bitch too.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

MuppetFan

Are you telling your guests that you're already married when you invite them to your fake wedding?

AddieCake

I agree with Pele. My heart was going out to you until your true colors showed. 

CarolinaHeart

dewingedpixie said:

Carolina I am having the "white wedding" in february. I lost my job last month. I have rather expensive health issues that mean I must maintain coverage. We chose to forgo cobra since it was extremely expensive and do a civil ceremony now and then the big ceremony in Feb. My best friend actually did the exact same thing she had  civil ceremony 2 days before christmas then her big wedding memorial weekend. Cobra is a crock of poo, and when you're already getting married shoveling out thousands for it is just a stupid move for all parties.

I really am sorry that you've lost your job and even more sorry about your medical issues that really do sound terrible.  But, all of this doesn't negate the fact that come February, you will already be married. 

Call it whatever you want but your White Wedding in '14 will be a slightly inappropriate party celebrating your marriage. Not your wedding.

shaylagirl

Congrats on already being married. 

Yes, Cobra sucks.  Did you look into alternative insurance options?

When I was transitioning jobs, and because I am court ordered to carry health insurance on my son, I looked at picking up independent health insurance through Blue Cross/Blue Shield which would have run me about $50/mo.  Yes, I can get where with chemo/etc that you may or may not be covered, but...it would have been worth a quick phone call.

Hindsight and all that.

Also, so you put your deposit down.  Okay, could you not have downgraded some of your other wedding options to have put the money you were putting towards your big-blow-out wedding towards your health? 

Again, hindsight and all.

BTW-Calling someone a 'bitch' is pretty unclassy and trashy.    It is, as others have mentioned, against the TOS.

thejucheidea

dewingedpixie said:

alisonmarie658 said:

So you're having a Pretty Princess Day in February -- not a wedding. (sorry, not a Feb 14 bride -- but saw this and had to comment.)

Call it what you will, but I view a wedding as something to celebrate. I did not plan to get married in June, but I cant go without coverage. When you have a massive health problem that requires thousands in chemotherapy a year for decades to not be disabled or die because your immune system decided to turn on you then you can talk to me about spending thousands on coverage or going without that or treatment.This was a choice we made that was run through our families and friends. Many military families do this as well. I really dont care what you think of what we did that was not a choice for us. We have a down payment on a wedding set up, and that planning is in motion, am I suposed to cancel an event our entire family is looking forward to because oh shit I have to have medical coverage? Am I suposed to just cancel the wedding that people know is coming because life threw us a curveball? So sorry that you think I should have decided to practically kill myself to have your idea of a "propper wedding".

dewingedpixie

Our guests do all know, and they are fine with this. I just dont like being attacked by people who have no better time than to go after people for no reason than their own amusement. So really yes I dont put up with bs, yes I called her a bitch and frankly everyone here including myself for the most part is acting like one. I am done justifying what we have chosen as a family, which at the end of the day we are celebrating being a family. If we chose to unite that family because our state doesnt allow benefits transfer without it before our wedding date and our family/friends know this and are fine with it, than I really dont understand why a bunch of angry women on the internet have to act like high and mighty princesses over it.

Just because we had a situation that made life a mess does not make us any less worthy of celebrating that with our family and friends if they know and understand the situation up front.

I will own this my relationship is something we want to celebrate and share with our family and friends. We did not have the time to move the date and get everyone in one location. Instead we chose to do a civil ceremony before the religious one but let our guests know which they told us they were fine with and they would make the trek in February. This was the best decision for us as a couple and WE are happy with it, and our family/friends are as well. So sorry if that disappoints some of you.

I am also done justifying my situation to be your entertainment for the day.

dewingedpixie

shaylagirl said:

Congrats on already being married. 

Yes, Cobra sucks.  Did you look into alternative insurance options?

When I was transitioning jobs, and because I am court ordered to carry health insurance on my son, I looked at picking up independent health insurance through Blue Cross/Blue Shield which would have run me about $50/mo.  Yes, I can get where with chemo/etc that you may or may not be covered, but...it would have been worth a quick phone call.

Hindsight and all that.

Also, so you put your deposit down.  Okay, could you not have downgraded some of your other wedding options to have put the money you were putting towards your big-blow-out wedding towards your health? 

Again, hindsight and all.

BTW-Calling someone a 'bitch' is pretty unclassy and trashy.    It is, as others have mentioned, against the TOS.

We had discussed that and we decided due to the way we had stacked the money that wasnt going to work for us to move funds from the wedding account because its actually in 3 or 4 accounts some more liquid than others. I cant explain beyond that, and we also had my daughter double covered on my account which they were making very difficult to separate off. We ran this by our families and friends and we went this route because it worked the best.

I actually prepared as much as possible by getting extra scripts, tests done in the 10 days I was covered after the lay off.

The options we had for buying in in the area arent great. My mother looked into them recently when she lost her coverage. They are transitioning some of my medical to new stuff currently so switching doctors etc wasnt something I could do either.

dewingedpixie

Another factor is since we were getting married out of state we had discussed doing a civil ceremony a month before to avoid having to mail down and get a license. Our families actually expected this even before we announced this latest issue. We found that out when we started relaying this across our guests.

[Deleted User]

dewingedpixie said: Another factor is since we were getting married out of state we had discussed doing a civil ceremony a month before to avoid having to mail down and get a license. Our families actually expected this even before we announced this latest issue. We found that out when we started relaying this across our guests.
I may be mistaken... but I think that there isn't a waiting period in FL to get your marriage license. I know in Indiana FH & I both have to appear with all of our documents (and I have to prove that I'm rubella-immune, don't even get me started on that) and everything. We currently have NO idea when we will see each other prior to the wedding, as I live in Virginia, and he is in Indiana. So, technically, I'm getting married "out of state", so I don't really know why this is a problem.

Oh. Just googled it, there is a 3 day waiting period. But still, If you're running the Princess the day before your wedding, I assume you'll get to FL two days before that... which would be 3 days... *shrugs*

TKzilla

In one thread, you've claimed to not have enough money to pay for your own health insurance for a few months, then bragged about how much money you're spending on your Big White Wedding. Then, you tug at everyone's heart strings with your story about the Big Medical Crisis in your life that required chemo, but you're going to run a marathon the day before your wedding?

dewingedpixie said:

Our guests do all know, and they are fine with this. I just dont like being attacked by people who have no better time than to go after people for no reason than their own amusement. So really yes I dont put up with bs, yes I called her a bitch and frankly everyone here including myself for the most part is acting like one. I am done justifying what we have chosen as a family, which at the end of the day we are celebrating being a family. If we chose to unite that family because our state doesnt allow benefits transfer without it before our wedding date and our family/friends know this and are fine with it, than I really dont understand why a bunch of angry women on the internet have to act like high and mighty princesses over it.

Just because we had a situation that made life a mess does not make us any less worthy of celebrating that with our family and friends if they know and understand the situation up front.

I will own this my relationship is something we want to celebrate and share with our family and friends. We did not have the time to move the date and get everyone in one location. Instead we chose to do a civil ceremony before the religious one but let our guests know which they told us they were fine with and they would make the trek in February. This was the best decision for us as a couple and WE are happy with it, and our family/friends are as well. So sorry if that disappoints some of you.

I am also done justifying my situation to be your entertainment for the day.

Finally:

You need to stop calling members on here "bitches" because you're going to get banned, and frankly, no one will be sad to see you go. You started this thread and nobody here is going to validate this terrible idea. For the record: no one said you weren't "worthy" of having a wedding. What we are telling you is your civil ceremony IS your wedding. I find it hard to believe that you have all this money saved up for your Big White Wedding but you can't get to it right now for insurance or for an upgraded civil ceremony. Sounds like crap because you're going to need that money for deposits and payments over the next few months. 

Also, you have plenty of time to move the wedding date. The original date is eight months from now. So many brides plan perfectly lovely weddings in that time frame, and the majority of your guests should be able to cancel their reservations with this much time left. Own up to the fact that you do not care that what you're doing is inappropriate and stop making excuses as to why it's okay for you to completely shit on the tradition of marriage in favor of having your pretty white dress at Disney World.

[Deleted User]

dewingedpixie said:

Ladies I'm super excited about my civil ceremony this week! We are going to try to be married at the battlefield park up the road. We are talking about doing a picnic and cake afterwards. I bought a lovely olive green max azria sun dress for the occasion.

The best news is I now wont have to worry about getting a marriage license out of state for our feb wedding!

Good luck on your Civil Ceremony this week! I'm sure it will be a beautiful event. Are you and your FI having the picnic and cake by yourselves afterwards, or will some family be involved also?

Also, the "white wedding" you are planning in February sounds gorgeous! Disney wedding?! Not exactly my style but it does sound really exciting. As far as what everyone else is saying, this might actually be a good opportunity to cut some costs on your wedding. For example: since you are already married you could get a family member to officiate the ceremony and customize everything to your liking.

Also, people wear their wedding gowns to their vow renewals, so you can still wear a beautiful gown to the ceremony.

I thought I read somewhere that you have a daughter??? You could involve her more in your ceremony and maybe have her walk down the aisle.

Best Wishes!

Dancer2873

@dewingpixie you really didn't have to explain yourself that much....it just gave them more ammunition to use against ya! When it comes to weddings or anything with life, I say forget etiquette and tradition and sticking to such rigid expectations. 

All it is saying is if you don't fit into that pretty lil box then what you aren't worthy. Yes you are married but when it comes down to it, the church doesn't recognize the state and the state doesn't recognize the church.  Tradition is definitely nice, but we are all so different, we all can't do it the same. 

I don't believe Dewingpixie meant that the civil ceremony is meaningless, especially when there are those that make the choice to have it that way. It definitely just as great, because in the end you are married and that's what it's really all about, but her plans were already moving towards a religious ceremony and having it disney so why does she have say its just a celebration now? To appease you? So the etiquette gods don't strike her down with lightening because she is having a civil ceremony and a religious ceremony. Also to ask people to take a hit to change their flight plans or cancel, in my mind is more inconsiderate then anything else, just because plans change?! 

Come on you guys are being nit picky and telling her how to do all this stuff when its her life, her friends, her family. You are free to have you opinions but at the end of the day if she doesn't want to take your advice that is her decision and you should butt out. The whole second half of this post is annoying and unnecessary! I hope all you guys pay for your plates when you go to a wedding whether it is $100 or $300 a plate...because that is ETIQUETTE! **Barf**

TKzilla

Dancer2873 said:

@dewingpixie you really didn't have to explain yourself that much....it just gave them more ammunition to use against ya! When it comes to weddings or anything with life, I say forget etiquette and tradition and sticking to such rigid expectations. Etiquette isn't just rules and rigidity, it's about how to treat your guests properly. 

All it is saying is if you don't fit into that pretty lil box then what you aren't worthy. Yes you are married but when it comes down to it, the church doesn't recognize the state and the state doesn't recognize the church.  Tradition is definitely nice, but we are all so different, we all can't do it the same. 

I don't believe Dewingpixie meant that the civil ceremony is meaningless, especially when there are those that make the choice to have it that way. It definitely just as great, because in the end you are married and that's what it's really all about, but her plans were already moving towards a religious ceremony and having it disney so why does she have say its just a celebration now? Well for starters, stop trying to make it all about her religion because Mickey Mouse isn't a fucking deity. To appease you? So the etiquette gods don't strike her down with lightening because she is having a civil ceremony and a religious ceremony. Also to ask people to take a hit to change their flight plans or cancel, in my mind is more inconsiderate then anything else, just because plans change?! The plans changed because OP chose to move up her wedding date to get health insurance benefits, when she could've purchased them. It's a lousy excuse because (A) nobody believes that you can't afford insurance for a few months if you have several thousand dollars saved for your PPD and (B) what would they have done if her FI didn't have insurance through his job? Furthermore, what has she been using for health insurance thus far that she can't continue for a few more months?

Come on you guys are being nit picky and telling her how to do all this stuff when its her life, her friends, her family. You are free to have you opinions but at the end of the day if she doesn't want to take your advice that is her decision and you should butt out. The whole second half of this post is annoying and unnecessary! I hope all you guys pay for your plates when you go to a wedding whether it is $100 or $300 a plate...because that is ETIQUETTE! **Barf** If she doesn't want advice or opinions on her wedding then she doesn't need to post her ideas on a wedding forum. YOUR post is annoying and unnecessary because the thread would've died if you hadn't felt the overwhelming urge to throw in your two cents. Paying for your plate is NOT an etiquette rule. Get a damn book about it before you try to insult others.

BARF

CarolinaHeart

CourtaniaLynn said:

Dancer2873 said:

@dewingpixie you really didn't have to explain yourself that much....it just gave them more ammunition to use against ya! When it comes to weddings or anything with life, I say forget etiquette and tradition and sticking to such rigid expectations. Etiquette isn't just rules and rigidity, it's about how to treat your guests properly. 

All it is saying is if you don't fit into that pretty lil box then what you aren't worthy. Yes you are married but when it comes down to it, the church doesn't recognize the state and the state doesn't recognize the church.  Tradition is definitely nice, but we are all so different, we all can't do it the same. 

I don't believe Dewingpixie meant that the civil ceremony is meaningless, especially when there are those that make the choice to have it that way. It definitely just as great, because in the end you are married and that's what it's really all about, but her plans were already moving towards a religious ceremony and having it disney so why does she have say its just a celebration now? Well for starters, stop trying to make it all about her religion because Mickey Mouse isn't a fucking deity. To appease you? So the etiquette gods don't strike her down with lightening because she is having a civil ceremony and a religious ceremony. Also to ask people to take a hit to change their flight plans or cancel, in my mind is more inconsiderate then anything else, just because plans change?! The plans changed because OP chose to move up her wedding date to get health insurance benefits, when she could've purchased them. It's a lousy excuse because (A) nobody believes that you can't afford insurance for a few months if you have several thousand dollars saved for your PPD and (B) what would they have done if her FI didn't have insurance through his job? Furthermore, what has she been using for health insurance thus far that she can't continue for a few more months?

Come on you guys are being nit picky and telling her how to do all this stuff when its her life, her friends, her family. You are free to have you opinions but at the end of the day if she doesn't want to take your advice that is her decision and you should butt out. The whole second half of this post is annoying and unnecessary! I hope all you guys pay for your plates when you go to a wedding whether it is $100 or $300 a plate...because that is ETIQUETTE! **Barf** If she doesn't want advice or opinions on her wedding then she doesn't need to post her ideas on a wedding forum. YOUR post is annoying and unnecessary because the thread would've died if you hadn't felt the overwhelming urge to throw in your two cents. Paying for your plate is NOT an etiquette rule. Get a damn book about it before you try to insult others.

BARF

You are my freaking hero @CourtaniaLynn.

I have been dying to get home from work all day so that I could say almost all of this.

As awesome as that would be, Disney World is NOT a church.

What I side eye MOST about this though is that OP is really having 2 "proper" weddings.  It's not even like she had a JOP plus a PPD.

She chose an actual venue with her own officiant for her "civil ceremony" and is doing the exact same thing later

If she is doing this because her first wedding wasn't religious it's her own fault for not picking a religious figure to marry them in the first place.

TKzilla

CarolinaHeart said:

CourtaniaLynn said:

Dancer2873 said:

@dewingpixie you really didn't have to explain yourself that much....it just gave them more ammunition to use against ya! When it comes to weddings or anything with life, I say forget etiquette and tradition and sticking to such rigid expectations. Etiquette isn't just rules and rigidity, it's about how to treat your guests properly. 

All it is saying is if you don't fit into that pretty lil box then what you aren't worthy. Yes you are married but when it comes down to it, the church doesn't recognize the state and the state doesn't recognize the church.  Tradition is definitely nice, but we are all so different, we all can't do it the same. 

I don't believe Dewingpixie meant that the civil ceremony is meaningless, especially when there are those that make the choice to have it that way. It definitely just as great, because in the end you are married and that's what it's really all about, but her plans were already moving towards a religious ceremony and having it disney so why does she have say its just a celebration now? Well for starters, stop trying to make it all about her religion because Mickey Mouse isn't a fucking deity. To appease you? So the etiquette gods don't strike her down with lightening because she is having a civil ceremony and a religious ceremony. Also to ask people to take a hit to change their flight plans or cancel, in my mind is more inconsiderate then anything else, just because plans change?! The plans changed because OP chose to move up her wedding date to get health insurance benefits, when she could've purchased them. It's a lousy excuse because (A) nobody believes that you can't afford insurance for a few months if you have several thousand dollars saved for your PPD and (B) what would they have done if her FI didn't have insurance through his job? Furthermore, what has she been using for health insurance thus far that she can't continue for a few more months?

Come on you guys are being nit picky and telling her how to do all this stuff when its her life, her friends, her family. You are free to have you opinions but at the end of the day if she doesn't want to take your advice that is her decision and you should butt out. The whole second half of this post is annoying and unnecessary! I hope all you guys pay for your plates when you go to a wedding whether it is $100 or $300 a plate...because that is ETIQUETTE! **Barf** If she doesn't want advice or opinions on her wedding then she doesn't need to post her ideas on a wedding forum. YOUR post is annoying and unnecessary because the thread would've died if you hadn't felt the overwhelming urge to throw in your two cents. Paying for your plate is NOT an etiquette rule. Get a damn book about it before you try to insult others.

BARF

You are my freaking hero @CourtaniaLynn.

I have been dying to get home from work all day so that I could say almost all of this.

As awesome as that would be, Disney World is NOT a church.

What I side eye MOST about this though is that OP is really having 2 "proper" weddings.  It's not even like she had a JOP plus a PPD.

She chose an actual venue with her own officiant for her "civil ceremony" and is doing the exact same thing later

If she is doing this because her first wedding wasn't religious it's her own fault for not picking a religious figure to marry them in the first place.

If anyone wanted to worship Mickey Mouse and all things Disney, it'd be me. Sadly, it's just not the way the world works. This is someone trying to have her cake and eat it, too. No sympathy.

Dancer2873

I just don't see why it has anybody in a frenzy over what she choose to do for health insurance, why does she have to pay for it for a few months at all because she lost her job before the wedding. She said religious ceremony so I just went along with that I don't know for sure that she is getting married on the Disney World grounds or just having the reception there. 

I don't ask for all those specifics because at the end of the day I really don't care what she does, you do, or any other person on the planet does for their wedding. 

I did say etiquette and TRADITION. Yes both are nice and yes etiquette makes it easier on your guests but if she has discussed it with her guests and who would be going I don't see why she has to be made into a bad guy. What they are doing is flying with her friends and family, maybe it wouldn't fly with mine or yours but again why should we care? We aren't going and it's not our life.

TKzilla

Because OP wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to have a "simple" ceremony, a FANCY ceremony AND have free health insurance. There are people in this country who would kill for just ONE of those.

CarolinaHeart

@Dancer2873 OP isn't even here anymore, everyone was done with this. Why are you still kicking this horse?

Are you also having a PPD, so this is especially offensive to you?

Dancer2873

No I am not. I didn't know she was gone. I just don't like seeing anyone getting ganged up on. If it was one of you in a similar situation, I'd do the same. I wouldn't really call it free health insurance, her husband is working for it and at some point when we all get married we will all take on one health insurance policy through our work especially if you or our your spouse gets laid off, but whatever like Carolinaheart said I'll stop kicking the horse. *le sigh*

jenboston22

This is a really old thread that I happened to come across via a search -- OP, if you happen to see this, I wanted to send you some support. We may have the same illness -- or a similar illness -- as I, too, need to take chemotherapy for an immune-related disease, and without insurance I would have a very, very big problem (who can afford $10,000 every six weeks?!). So, I couldn't care less when you're "legally married." It is most important to stay healthy, and I'm sure your family and friends feel the same way, too. I hope your civil ceremony and your white wedding went smoothly.

I am sorry that so many respondents treated you so harshly.

Stay well!