RSVP frustration (less than two weeks to go!)

hordol

This is kind of long, sorry! I'm feeling frustrated this Saturday morning! Hah, I know none of these things are a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I think the stress of figuring out the details is getting to me, so I'm going to rant for a bit.

FI has a cousin that we invited. We invited him with his gf and his two kids. On the RSVP card, we indicated that we had reserved four seats in their honor. We got it back a month ago or so and it said on it this: "Maybe 6. Don't know."

So of course I had a minor bridezilla moment over this for two reasons: First, if you "don't know", why did you send back the RSVP card? The point of RSVPing is to let me know FOR SURE. Not sending the card back implies that you don't know. Don't send back the RSVP just to say maybe because then we will have to contact you about it again anyway. I thought that was really dumb. The second reason was that we included the kids, who the f could he possibly want to add??!! FI had no idea so he called his mom and apparently his gf has two kids too, but they don't live with her and they have never been at any family function so we had no idea they existed. I felt terrible that we hadn't invited them so I let the adding of 2 seats slide because had I known they existed, they would have been invited. (I'm a little irritated the FMIL didn't tell us about them when we were creating the guest list though).

Anyway, weeks pass and I tell FI to contact his cousin again. He left a voicemail saying, "hey man! We are working on getting our final head count to the caterer because it's due in a few days. We were just wondering who you were planning on bringing for sure and what their names are. Let me know when you can." He texts my FI back and gives us the names but still says he doesn't know who is coming for sure and who isn't. Seriously, this is irritating me way more than it should...people just need to make up their minds.

Then my second frustration is a friend of FI's who hadn't rsvp'd, so FI texted him and messaged him and the friend just kept ignoring him so we figured he was a no, but then he finally sends something back that says, "honestly i dont know"

FIGURE IT OUT PEOPLE. /rant

JoanE2012

That is frustrating. In the end, you'll probably have to plan for those 2 extra seats and they probably won't show up.  Some people just don't grasp the understanding that you have to pay for every seat.....it's not like a BBQ where if you you don't show up, there's not much financial impact to the host.  Just realize it'll probably happen and don't let it stress you out.

Amsdragonfly

You need to be firm, and say "Hey guys, just so you know, I need the exact number in X days. Right now I will assume X unless told otherwise." Don't take "I don't know" for an answer- this is your money! If people don't show up that's money wasted per head. Sorry you're dealing with this.

runpipparun

We have a groomsmaid who still doesn't know if her plus one is coming. Her RSVP has changed from "me + BF" to "BF isn't coming so me + my mom" to "mom can't come so just me" and back to "boyfriend says he is thinking he wants to come now, so cross your fingers he actually comes!"

We're both like, "Great, so if he flakes out, we're out the money for not just the reception food but the rehearsal dinner food as well! Peachy."

What is WITH people?

ETA: We're a week away. Yaaaayyy.

AddieCake

My husband's grandparents didn't know if they were coming until 2 days before. It was really putting a crimp in my table assignment planning, but I just "grinned and beared it." 

runpipparun

AddieL73 said:

My husband's grandparents didn't know if they were coming until 2 days before. It was really putting a crimp in my table assignment planning, but I just "grinned and beared it." 

Did you just count extra food for them? And give them space at tables in case they come? FI has frat friends who, due to flooding in their part of the country, are behind in their work this year (ag stuff), but they told us they'd know about a week in advance if they could get away. If they come now, I'll have food, but I'll be up a creek because all my tables are filled to the max...

HisGirlFriday13

Since it seems like none of these people are super-close to you, I'd just call them both and say, 'We have to give a final head count to the caterer by X date. If I don't hear from you, I'm puttin you down as a no.'

Also, it was nice of you, but by no means necessary to invite the GF's non-resident children to your wedding. If they lived with her, that's one thing, but they don't, so you're off the hook on that one.

hordol

Thanks everyone. I know these aren't really big deals in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes it's hard not to think, "ok...I am offering you free dinner and alcohol and you can't even have the decency to make a decision for me!?!?" Lol