Wedding Etiquette Forum

Money Tree Shower

JB612JB612 member
10 Comments 5 Love Its
edited June 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am a BM in a upcoming wedding for my BIL and his FI, which I am excited about and happy for them.  However, the MOH and MOB planned the shower w/o consulting the rest of the BM's (including budget), and settled on a money tree shower.  I rolled my eyes when I got the message on FB. 

The bride decided not to do a registry, which I figured no big deal, she will get what she gets.  I only find out that the bride and her mother booked the honeymoon, and it is a honeymoon the bride and groom cannot afford on their own.  They expect everyone invited to the shower to give money towards the honeymoon.

Invitations went out earlier this week, and it mentions the money tree, and says "no boxed gifts".  Am I the only one to find this tacky? Rude?  I know people can decide what they give the bride, if they want to give cash they can, but should not be told what they can and cannot do with their money.

Not to mention, the MOH asked everyone to contribute to a "Spice Basket", and by that it is Spice for the Bedroom, not the Kitchen.  To me, that type of stuff belongs for the bachlorette party, not a bridal shower, and only then if people want to contribute. 

My husband finds it wrong as well, but told me to go with the flow.  I only go to a certain extent.  For the shower, I offered to get the cake, and will pay for my share of the hall rental (since it is in my budget, if it was not they would only get what I could afford to give).  I got a nice gift for the bride, as I do not give cash at a shower, and will not contribute towards the Spice Basket.

What are people coming to?


Re: Money Tree Shower

  • Ack. I really hate giving cash. It makes me really uncomfortable, I don't know why. Also, idk, spice basket? Gross. 
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  • r&c14r&c14 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    I seen a super done up money tree for sale on a local facebook wedding group. I cringed when I saw it and then again when 3 brides were all wanting it and seeing if they could plan out a buying system. I wanted to comment for them all to come here and ask about money trees, but the moderator of the group would have taken it as an attack and there are some good deals on there and I don't want to get kicked out.

    I would also be taking a boxed gift to the shower, if I even went.

    Edit: clarity
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  • So awful! I would have declined involvement. Good for you for bringing a gift anyway! I hope your friend will be gracious.
    Blue_BirdJB612RebeccaB88
  • JB612JB612 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    So awful! I would have declined involvement. Good for you for bringing a gift anyway! I hope your friend will be gracious.
    I believe she will be, and if not, oh well.

    DH aunt got her invite, and all she can say is OMG.  She did say "I have never given money at a shower, and I never will."

    My MIL is speechless.
    RebeccaB88[Deleted User]
  • I would have nothing to do with this tacky mess.
    image
    Blue_BirdRebeccaB88
  • Oh my...a "spice basket"?  Really?  I get that as a bachelorette thing (totally not my idea of fun, but different strokes...) but at a shower?  Ugh.  Also, booking a honeymoon you can't afford?  I'm slow clapping that in my head - if you're short on cash, why not just delay for a while (that's why FI and I are marrying next year and holidaying in 2015, FWIW)?  I'd hate to impose on people like this.  What if the funds don't come?  Then they are saddled with a huge bill....

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    JB612
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would tell them exactly where they can shove their rude, greedy, tacky shower and why I am refusing to have anything to do with it and the wedding.  Honestly the whole thing would make me change my opinion of that person altogether.  
    [Deleted User]
  • So what happens if they don't get enough money to cover the already booked honeymoon? This is just a disaster.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • JB612JB612 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    If they do not get the funds to cover, then they will need to come up with the money or scale back somewhere.  All I know is they are in for a rude awakening when they get into the real world.
  • Oh, hellllll no.

    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    3 pieces of advice:

    1) Skip the event.
    2) Skip the event.
    3) Skip the event.
    Dreamergirl8812coopergirl15harper0813
  • @aurianna Isn't there a little Japanese tree that is called a money tree?  Just give them that.  Lenox is waaaaay more money than it's worth to insult someone.
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


    JB612
  • @aurianna Isn't there a little Japanese tree that is called a money tree?  Just give them that.  Lenox is waaaaay more money than it's worth to insult someone.
    I suppose you're right. What about a basket with cinnamon and oregano in it instead?
    JB612[Deleted User]coopergirl15
  • aurianna said:



    @aurianna Isn't there a little Japanese tree that is called a money tree?  Just give them that.  Lenox is waaaaay more money than it's worth to insult someone.

    I suppose you're right. What about a basket with cinnamon and oregano in it instead?


    See, that kind of spice basket is an awesome shower gift!
    JB612coopergirl15
  • MsYeckMsYeck member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its
    I just tried visualizing opening a spice basket in front of my grandmothers, mother-in-law and mom. It was not a good vision. That being said I know my bridesmaids are doing something similar to the spice basket at my bachlorette party.....where the older people will not be.
  • This shower planning sounds disasterous, and the spice basket sounds cheezy but my BM's themed my shower "Sexy Chef" and i got great kitchenware and some really beautiful lingerie. A few racy pieces my BMs gave me later that night over drinks, but the older women were very cute about the lingerie. It doesn't have to be crass, and older married women have been the first to reiterate the importance of a healthy sex life...

    My mom's best friend is in her late 60s and gave me beautiful crystal martini glasses and fancy chocolate and a sweet note about getting the romance started in the evening.

     

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