BEST MAN Delimma

cocoabutter34

My fiance believes that he should ask his brother to be his best man because it's suppose to be tradition. I believe it is my fiance's choice to pick whoever he wants as his best man, however, his brother not only did not have him as his best man at his wedding, but is also not reliable, selfish and when I think of the speech he might give all I can think of is AWKWARD. I love his brother but my fiance constantly complains about him because he's a dead beat father of 2 with no job and has inconsistent mood swings because of the crazy medication he takes. I would like to feel confident in the person he chooses as his best man and his brother doesn't make me feel confident since he can hardly take care of himself let alone his kids. My fiance has plenty of other choices for best man and like I said the ONLY reason he is choosing his brother is because he believes its tradition. Is there anything I can say to change his mind? or should I just leave it alone?

HisGirlFriday13

This is not your decision. If he feels like he should pick his brother, then let him. All the brother has to do is show up, dressed appropriately, and sober. Also, no one has to give speeches at the wedding, so you can just not do speeches and then, there you go, problem solved.

QueerFemme

cocoabutter34 said:

My fiance believes that he should ask his brother to be his best man because it's suppose to be tradition. I believe it is my fiance's choice to pick whoever he wants as his best man, however, his brother not only did not have him as his best man at his wedding, but is also not reliable, selfish and when I think of the speech he might give all I can think of is AWKWARD. I love his brother but my fiance constantly complains about him because he's a dead beat father of 2 with no job and has inconsistent mood swings because of the crazy medication he takes. I would like to feel confident in the person he chooses as his best man and his brother doesn't make me feel confident since he can hardly take care of himself let alone his kids. My fiance has plenty of other choices for best man and like I said the ONLY reason he is choosing his brother is because he believes its tradition. Is there anything I can say to change his mind? or should I just leave it alone?

Leave it alone.  It's not your choice.

smalfrie19

I concur. My FI has asked one of my male cousins to be a GM, however he doesn't really LIKE this cousin. But I don't harp on FI because it was HIS decision who stands up with him. Not mine. 

AddieCake

This is not your business. Your fiance should choose the person he wants to choose. 

Peledreamsofrain

You have as much place dictating his Best Man as he does dictating your Maid of Honor.  You trust each other enough to get married, so trust each other to pick people to personally honor.

Aileta

please let me shed some light on this and i hope you find it useful because i have opted  to use my sister that  isn't very kind toward me for my maid of honor because i felt it would be a slap in the face to her if i didn't.   my wedding is being over ran by her she keeps trying to get me to dump one of my other  bridesmaids. off  the pure fact she hates her from high school. ( the three of us went to school together)  my sister has never been very kind to me though i go out of my way to show her kindness in hopes that her attitude towards me will change.  and at this point i don't think it ever will. she thinks she knows everything about everyone's situations and has turned into my father a judgemental bizzitch.  and that really showed this last weekend when i was in tears in the middle of the mall with my fiance whom i only get to see on weekends with our daughter.   we used to live together but when we almost called it quits  we separated so  i get put down for not looking for a job on the weekends when that is our only family time. she has never been in a relationship and will never understand the dynamic and she has the nerve to bash me and my reasoning for things that i do calling me irresponsible among other names.  My fiance makes good money and has told me i could be a stay at home mom if i wanted cause of our daughters special needs.  so its not that i NEED to work but working would sure help out faster with wedding costs and getting into a house together faster and that is the only reason i am looking for work to get us back together as a family in a good neighborhood of our choosing.  But she  is just sitting there judging me and my friends. she's constantly hurting our mothers feelings  with her harshness  of words and put downs. ( my sister wont speak to my mom cause she thinks  she is so high and mighty and my mom is not worth her time.)  infact  my other two bridesmaids  who are like aunts to my child and where i am like an aunt to their children  question why the hell did i ask my biological sister to be maid of honor when they knew if she had been out the picture they would have shared the role and it would have spared a lot of hard feelings.   and its true it would have. so now i have to find out how i am going to deal with this and figure out how to get my sister to accept that i am not throwing my friend of 13 years out of my bridal party over some highschool grudge. that is petty and i am the one with issues?  

frankly i'd share this with him share my anguish and share the only regret i have made really thus far for my wedding.  i fear the day of my wedding i'm not doing a maid of honor speech.  if i do i will designate my besties to say something.  not my sister.  even though she offered to do the bridal package at the salon and spa she frequents and bridal party shoes it all comes with conditions and emotional abuse and i could care less.  to me its just a title she has. but as far as planning goes i'm leaving her out of it and she will have to do what the rest of us are doing cause she puts no input and i don't talk to her for months and then she thinks she gets a say in it all and i have to uproot everything to suit her or she won't do it???  no thank you. i'm just too nice to actually kick her  from my wedding at this point.