Bridesmaid & childhood promise?

sarahlaserena

My childhood best friend and I always promised each other we'd be in the other's bridal party. We grew apart as the years went by, but even though we didn't talk much, she kept her word and asked me to be her bridesmaid. Now it's my turn to plan my wedding and she and I are still friends but never talk at all. If it weren't for the fact that she added me to her party, I wouldn't choose her to be in mine, just because we're not close.

I'm not really sure what to do -- she's not the type to be overly dramatic and call our friendship quits, but I care about her and don't want to hurt her feelings because I broke our promise.

Teddy917

Little kid promises don't have to count unless you want them to. When I was little, my BFF and I said we were going to marry a pair of twins and get houses right next to each other. Bottom line, very little that you come up with as a kid works out. Do what Adult You thinks is best.

LAM524

If you are friends that never talk, would she even expect you to keep to this promise?

AddieCake

Kiddie wedding party promises are for your Barbies. They do not translate well into adult life. If you don't talk to her, it is ridiculous for you to ask her to be in your WP, and it would be ridiculous of her to expect to be. Your WP should be made up of your nearest and dearest. 

MairePoppy

^^This^^

My childhood best friend and I were going to live together in a funhouse mansion, with lots of animals and never, ever speak to stinky boys. Didn't happen. 

stantokm

I have a friend like that; she almost didn't make it on the guest list.  I did invite her, though, and she came, which surprised me.  If she had been offended that she wasn't a bridesmaid, I wouldn't have really cared since we've only talked a handful of times in the past eight years.

bethsmiles

I still get together for lunch about once a year to catch up with my childhood best friend and we send the very occasional text or facebook message to each other but there is no way I'd ask her to be a BM. We just aren't that close anymore. I'm sure we made that promise as kids but we aren't kids anymore. I'm sure your friend understands that.

hockey20

Follow your heart. If you two really don't talk or you don't feel you're close enough for her to be in your wedding party, your better off not asking her.

I remember agonizing about this same question when I picked my party, ended up picking my FSIL and former step-sister, so it worked out without causing much, if any, offense, because it's strictly family that I picked. She's still a friend, and I'd jump to help her if I could, but we're just not as close as we used to be, but we all grow up, right?

brielise414

My cousin and I were very close when we were young and made all kinds of crazy plans. We drifted apart because she spent about 3 years travelling but I still chose her as my MOH because we had been through so much. But I also don't really have a lot of close friends because I spent the last few years moving from city to city. Instead of choosing another newer friend I wasn't sure that I could count on, I chose someone who I had drifted apart from but hoped to be closer to again. It also helps that she's family. If you have developed closer friends that you feel you can count on, then I wouldn't count a childhood promise as binding. I would never expect my cousin to feel that she had to have me in her bridal party either because I know that she kept in touch with high school friends and also has a sister that she is close to. 

Another example: my fiance had it pretty set in stone that my other cousin's husband would be his best man at our wedding about 3 years ago. We met at their wedding when he was his best man. But in 3 years we have probably only seen them twice and they have made it pretty clear that they can't be bothered with us. I have a feeling my cousin's husband expects to be best man as a tit for tat kind of deal, but that is definitely not happening. Having her as a bridesmaid just because you were a bridesmaid in her wedding is not a requirement.