Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invitation or no?

Hi Ladies,
This is kind of an awkward situation I just found myself in.  My fiance's mother recently broke up with a man she dated for several years.  It was kind of an unpleasant situation at the end and my fiance is angry with the ex.  He has two grown, married children who were on the guest list simply because his FMIL asked us to include them.  They received save the dates, but my fiance does not want to send invitations to his kids.  FMIL thinks it's rude not to send the invites, but I am torn.  I'm sure they'll understand why we didn't invite them, but I also understand where she is coming from.  Fiance does not want them to come, but FMIL thinks we should send the invites and just hope they don't come.  I also don't want to seem like we're soliciting extra gifts or opening up healing wounds. Help, please?

Re: Invitation or no?

  • You need to invite them. Since their father and your FMIL have broken up, it is not likely they will attend. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Unfortunately it would be a faux pas for you to not send the ex's kids an invitation after they were given Save the Dates. The correct way to handle it at this point is to send the invites and cross your fingers that the kids will not come. The odds are pretty good that if the breakup was that nasty, they will stand with their father and not attend. I'm sorry you were put in this situation. Good luck!
    This. At least you'll look like the bigger person. 
  • Technically, yes you should invite them. However, if you're never going to see them again, I don't think it really matters too much. I wouldn't think anything of not receiving an invite in a situation like this.

    that's what I was thinking. yes it's angainst etiquette, but who cares?
  • edited June 2013
    We heard about your fiance's and his mothers feelings- what do you feel?
    After all, it is YOUR wedding - and the to shine a little bit of light on what you like would not be to hard to understand. For everyone else it will be "a" wedding they attend- for you though it's your wedding!

    So my advice is: Try to find out, what you really feel to do- invite or not invite -and go with this!
  • Proper etiquette says anyone who gets a save the date should get an invitation. However in this situation, I doubt the ex's kids would care if they weren't invited. It sounds like you only invited them because of the (no longer existent) relationship between FMIL and their dad - if you're not close, I'm sure they know this is why they were invited. To not invite them would be an etiquette breach for sure, but not one I think anyone would side-eye too hard...
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  • Thanks ladies.  I know it's technically an "etiquette breach" but I feel like it's more awkward TO invite them than not to.  I don't actually care one way or the other, I'm just trying to find the least awkward way to handle it.  If the situation were reversed, I don't think I'd be expecting an invitation.
    FMIL Just texted me that she's not sure either now.  I'll be with her and my own mother this weekend, so we can hash it out.  Thanks for all the input!
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