How to Address a STD

[Deleted User]

I am sending a STD to my aunt and uncle and I would like to include their grandson (my deceased cousin's son, let's call him Dan, age 9). Do I send Dan his own card or can I include him on the card with my aunt and uncle? Dan splits his time between my aunt and uncle, his mom, and his other grandma. I do not want to send an invitation to Dan's moms house as there is a feud going on with her and I would rather not upset anyone by inviting her. But, I am also afraid that she would be offended if I sent a wedding invitation to just her son and not her. I don't want her deciding that my aunt and uncle cannot have Dan stay with them anymore. So... how do I approach this? I really want Dan to feel included in this wedding. I would hate for all of his cousin's to be invited and not him.

Edited: Wrong Wording, sorry! meant STD not Invitation

AddieCake

You can include him on their card. 

libby2483

Just include him on their STD:

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

Dan Jones

[Deleted User]

Okay, but what about the issue with his mom? What if she gets offended that he is invited but not her? I really do not want to cause any more issues between her and my aunt and uncle.

itzMS

awebb04 said:

Okay, but what about the issue with his mom? What if she gets offended that he is invited but not her? I really do not want to cause any more issues between her and my aunt and uncle.

In this case, I think it's rude not to invite the child's biological mother unless your aunt & uncle are the child's legal guardians.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I don't really see a scenario that she WOULDN'T be offended if you invited her child and not her.

ETA: A nine year old boy really isn't going to care one way or the other if he's invited to a wedding. I don't think it's worth driving a wedge further into the situation by purposely not inviting his mother.

[Deleted User]

itzMS said:

awebb04 said:

Okay, but what about the issue with his mom? What if she gets offended that he is invited but not her? I really do not want to cause any more issues between her and my aunt and uncle.

In this case, I think it's rude not to invite the child's biological mother unless your aunt & uncle are the child's legal guardians.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I don't really see a scenario that she WOULDN'T be offended if you invited her child and not her.

ETA: A nine year old boy really isn't going to care one way or the other if he's invited to a wedding. I don't think it's worth driving a wedge further into the situation by purposely not inviting his mother.

Inviting his mother would cause a lot of bad feelings for my side of the family. We only put up with her because of Dan. You really don't think he will feel left out if all of his cousins (he is one of my Aunt's 14 Grandson's) who is not invited to the wedding? Even children can feel left out sometimes.

itzMS

awebb04 said:

itzMS said:

awebb04 said:

Okay, but what about the issue with his mom? What if she gets offended that he is invited but not her? I really do not want to cause any more issues between her and my aunt and uncle.

In this case, I think it's rude not to invite the child's biological mother unless your aunt & uncle are the child's legal guardians.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I don't really see a scenario that she WOULDN'T be offended if you invited her child and not her.

ETA: A nine year old boy really isn't going to care one way or the other if he's invited to a wedding. I don't think it's worth driving a wedge further into the situation by purposely not inviting his mother.

Inviting his mother would cause a lot of bad feelings for my side of the family. We only put up with her because of Dan. You really don't think he will feel left out if all of his cousins (he is one of my Aunt's 14 Grandson's) who is not invited to the wedding? Even children can feel left out sometimes.

@awebb04 It is not worth it.

For the sake of example, would you be thrilled if a couple invited your 9 year old child to a wedding and not you? Even if you knew you were a crazy bitch that the couple doesn't like?

AddieCake

I had a similar issue. I cut one of my cousins out of my life a few months before the wedding and wanted desperately to go ahead and send invitations to her children, ages 6 and 14, but I just didn't see any way to do that without it causing further drama. Upon the advice of some close friends and other family, I opted to just not invite any of them. 

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all of the advice. I ended up calling my Aunt last night and asking her how she would like to approach the situation. She asked that I include Dan on their STD and that they would decide closer to the date if they could get Dan to come. She was joking/hoping that Dan's mom ends up back in jail again around that time so that would solve the issue as Dan would then come to stay with her. Sounds terrible, I know. But she does end up in Jail 2-3 times a year...