RSVP mail/online combo

MeganLAnderson

I was thinking about using a traditional mailed RSVP (just name and number of people attending), but including a line somewhere on the invitation or RSVP stating that they could visit our wedding website if they would like to select their meal option.

I know people run in to problems when a family just marks that they want 3 chickens and 1 fish but don't specify who wants what.  With some of my invitations going to families of up to six who will not all be sitting at the same table, I don't want to have to guess at who wants what (and they won't be able to just switch with their neighbor since some will be at different tables).

Is this going to be too confusing?  Has anyone else done this or seen a similar invitation?  I understand that not everyone is likely to use the online meal choice option, but I would use wording to indicate that I will be choosing their meal if they don't reply.  Most of the weddings that my fiancé has attended for his family members have not included any options for meals (buffet/family style/single entree) so he thinks I'm a little silly giving people any options in the first place.  

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to make this simple for me, incorporate the necessary traditional aspects of our differing cultures in the limited space I have on the invitations, and make sure all of our guests with a vast range of English language and computer skills understand how to respond.  Help!

libby2483

I'm a little confused. Are you proposing that guests can indicate whether or not they are attending on a paper RSVP, but the only way guests could choose their meal option is online? If so, yes, that is odd.

I would skip the online option and have people RSVP using traditional paper cards.  We gave guests the option RSVP using paper and online methods, and only about 10 percent of our guests used the online option.  If you need to know which guest is eating what, do something like the following.

Please reply by the twentieth of June

M _________________________________

______ Accepts

______ Regrets

Please initial each guest's entree choice:

______ Chicken

______ Beef

______ Vegetarian

All of this information will fit on a standard RSVP card, so I think that's really your best bet.

Also, I'm curious as to why there would be six people on an invitation that would then not be seated together.  Anyone 18 and over should receive their own invitation, even if that means sending more than one invitation to a household.

AddieCake

Yes, it's very odd that 6 people who receive the same invitation would not be at the same table, b/c that would mean at least 4 of them are children. 

MeganLAnderson

I understand that adults 'should'  (according to American standards) get their own invitation, but many of my finance's single adult cousins told me to just include them with their parent's invitation when I asked for their personal addresses.  My fiancé's family is all first and second generation Americans and have a completely different set of norms for wedding etiquette.

The format libby2483 listed is what I would prefer, but some of the invitations that I like only have room for seven lines.  I guest 'accepts' and 'regrets' could share a line.

This leads to a secondary question:  I'm not sure whether to make children's meal option or just assume that everyone under a certain age will have it.  I'd also like to keep track of babies that are coming but not eating because I want to make sure they have enough room.  I attended a wedding reception recently where I sat at a table with a few babies and kids that didn't have their own chair spot and we were all tripping over each other, the highchairs, and the kid's bags because they only counted the adults when creating the seating chart.  My first thought was to include spots for this on the Response card too, but it is irrelevant for two-thirds of the invitations.

libby2483

MeganLAnderson said:

I understand that adults 'should'  (according to American standards) get their own invitation, but many of my finance's single adult cousins told me to just include them with their parent's invitation when I asked for their personal addresses.  My fiancé's family is all first and second generation Americans and have a completely different set of norms for wedding etiquette.

The format libby2483 listed is what I would prefer, but some of the invitations that I like only have room for seven lines.  I guest 'accepts' and 'regrets' could share a line.

This leads to a secondary question:  I'm not sure whether to make children's meal option or just assume that everyone under a certain age will have it.  I'd also like to keep track of babies that are coming but not eating because I want to make sure they have enough room.  I attended a wedding reception recently where I sat at a table with a few babies and kids that didn't have their own chair spot and we were all tripping over each other, the highchairs, and the kid's bags because they only counted the adults when creating the seating chart.  My first thought was to include spots for this on the Response card too, but it is irrelevant for two-thirds of the invitations.

Yeah, I guess if you've checked with your cousins and asked their address, and this is their preference, it doesn't hurt to follow their wishes.  Etiquette is about accommodating your guests, so it would be odd if you kept insisting they give you their address.  I had a few cousins like this as well. 

When I was creating our RSVP card on Wedding Paper Divas, there wasn't enough room to include all of the RSVP options.  I just put a note that I needed to add one more line, and when they did my invitations, they added it for me. I approved it in the proof before ordering.  So, many companies will work with you to play around with the layout a bit.

Also, I would put the kid's meal option on there, and not assume that everyone under a certain age will get the kid's meal.  My uncle ordered his two-year-old son top sirloin, and his four-year-old daughter chicken.  We also had a couple of kids select the vegetarian meal.  My fourteen year-old-cousin got the kid's meal chicken strips.  I would just let people decide, rather than assume.  Our RSVP card looked like what I suggested above, with a children's meal as the fourth option.

I wouldn't include anything about babies coming but not not eating on the RSVP.  If someone with a small baby RSVPs, and it is unclear it the baby will be coming/eating/whatever, just call them to clarify.  I agree it is a good idea to have chairs for the babies, even if they won't be eating.

MyNameIsNot

I would use "initial next to preferred entree" so that you know who wants what.

I agree that if an adult cousin specifically requested that you include them on their parents' invitation that you should respect their wishes, but for those that didn't, send individual invitations like normal.  For those, I would consider doing individual RSVP cards for each adult child, even in the same invitation.  You could pre-fill their names so that they aren't confused.  You will probably have a fair number of families where the parents and adult children don't all have the same RSVP.  

southernbelle0915

If your adult cousins want you to use their parents' address, could you mail a separate invitation addresses to them? Might make this less confusing. Libby's RSVP format is a good idea.

OtterJ

Having the option to either RSVP via the mail, or online is great, but you need to make each option complete....meaning, people need to choose to RSVP using one OR the other.  Make your RSVP cards complete with all needed information  (Have them initial the meals that they want, etc.), and then have an online option that lets them chose which meal each person wants.

It will be too much of a hassle to have people RSVP through the mail, but then go online to select their meal option.  You will end up getting a lot of incomplete information. 

 I didn't use a mail-in option, but did have my guests RSVP online through my wedding website that I created on the knot.  I didn't have a meal option, but the website did provide a meal option that I could use if I wanted to.