Wedding Etiquette Forum

Reception location

My bf and I are talking about getting engaged and where we would want to have a wedding which has raised some questions.  I was born and raised in Ohio and he was born and raised in NY but we both live together in VA.  My parents insist we must get married in OH "because the wedding is suppose to happen wherever the bride is from" or so says tradition.  BF and I disagree with this and think we should be able to get married wherever we want.  I was just curious if other think this is an old tradition as well.

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Re: Reception location

  • I usually assume a wedding will be in the bride's hometown until told otherwise (presuming she seems to still have a lot off ties / family there), so its probably still a very common occurence. But of course you can get married wherever you want.
  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    Are your parents paying? I think that answers things if they are to a point.  Where do the majority of people live?  Unless it's a true destination wedding which that doesn't sound like what you're trying to plan, then you shouldn't inconvenience the majority of your guests.

  • It's fine to get married outside of the bride's hometown (I did), although it may be an old tradition.  However, if they're paying, they get to have a large say in the location.  
  • You're not engaged, so this isn't really important right now. But whoever pays gets a say. We got married in my home state, but in no one's hometown, because it was most convenient for us.
  • I struggle with the "who ever pays gets the final say" because if that were truly the case, I would be getting married in a dress I hated and in a state I have never lived in, and where only about 20 of our 150 guests live in. Yes, my parents are paying. My mom and sister "decided" on a dress for me that was pretty much the exact opposite of what I said I was looking for in a dress/style of wedding.

    That being said, I am not getting married in my "hometown". I suppose that's partially due to I don't really have a "hometown" any more since I have moved around so much, and my parents have as well. We are getting married in his hometown, in his home church. It makes sense for us because over half of our guests live in the state. 

    Do what's convenient for you & your not-yet-FH, IMO.
  • My husband is from Florida. I am from Illinois. We lived in Texas. We got married in Texas b/c I can't imagine trying to plan a long-distance wedding. Besides, most of our guest list was in TX and my family is not just in IL. In fact, there was only one person from IL even invited, so this business of "it's tradition to get married where the bride is from" is ridiculous. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I typically assume that the wedding will occur wherever the bride and groom are living because it will just make planning easier.  But of course the person who pays gets a very large say in the planning and location of the wedding

    But since you aren't engaged yet I really wouldn't stress over this right now.  The first step is to get engaged, the next step is to enjoy your engagement and then it is time to start worrying about location.


  • The tradition of "the wedding is supposed to be in the bride's hometown" is dated at best. I don't know anyone who picked a location for just that reason alone. It's usually a combination of things - what's convenient for the hosts (read: who's funding the event), what's convenient for the couple, what's convenient for the majority of guests, where do you WANT to get married, etc. 

    You're not even engaged, don't start clashing with your parents on moot issues... Enjoy being with your boyfriend and worry about this after you get engaged. 
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  • We are leaning towards getting closer to where my FH grew up vs where I grew up or where we live now for a couple reasons. The town I lived in from birth to 13 years old is just as pricey as where we live now and the townI went go high school in I have zero tis to since my parents moved out of state. We looked at places in between where we live and where FH is from and his parents still live, and did find a venue we love. We now are getting approximate costs of food and beverages to make the final decision on where we have the wedding.

    As far as having the wedding where it is convenient for majority of the guests actually makes me slightly irked. I say that because majority of our guests live in different states than us, which is our home state, and where our wedding will be held. When my sister got married a couple years ago, majority of her guests lived in WI but she got married in AL where she lives. Picking a location can be very hard, especially when you have a large guest list and trying to make it easy for all.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • My family is from NJ/NY/CT (my parents live in FL, though).  FI's family is from MD/WV.

    We live in VA.  Guess what?  VA is in the middle of FL and up north.  So we're getting married here.  It doesn't work for everyone, but it is a million times easier to plan a wedding where you live.  VA, for us, also means that all of our guests (except parents) have the option to drive to our wedding, which means a lot more people will be able to afford to come (especially with my brother getting married about six months after me)

    But really, since you aren't engaged yet, there is no need to worry about this yet.  :)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • AddieL73 said:
    My husband is from Florida. I am from Illinois. We lived in Texas. We got married in Texas b/c I can't imagine trying to plan a long-distance wedding. Besides, most of our guest list was in TX and my family is not just in IL. In fact, there was only one person from IL even invited, so this business of "it's tradition to get married where the bride is from" is ridiculous. 


    I can attest: it is not-so-much fun. But, it's actually not as completely awful as you'd think. Although, it helps that FH lives there and so when I go to visit we do the necessary wedding-vendor things that have to be done in person. (Some times I think he's happier that I don't live there (I know he's not actually happy that we live 500+ miles apart, ftr) so this way it's just one weekend every other month or so full of wedding mania, instead of me getting to "drag" him around to wedding related things every weekend, lol)
  • lplions said:
    AddieL73 said:
    My husband is from Florida. I am from Illinois. We lived in Texas. We got married in Texas b/c I can't imagine trying to plan a long-distance wedding. Besides, most of our guest list was in TX and my family is not just in IL. In fact, there was only one person from IL even invited, so this business of "it's tradition to get married where the bride is from" is ridiculous. 


    I can attest: it is not-so-much fun. But, it's actually not as completely awful as you'd think. Although, it helps that FH lives there and so when I go to visit we do the necessary wedding-vendor things that have to be done in person. (Some times I think he's happier that I don't live there (I know he's not actually happy that we live 500+ miles apart, ftr) so this way it's just one weekend every other month or so full of wedding mania, instead of me getting to "drag" him around to wedding related things every weekend, lol)
    Yeah with the internet it's really not too complicated (full disclosure - mine was like 1.5 hours away; not a plane ride; plus my parents still live there so my mom was able to do little things if needed).  But in reality I think we just spent two weekends in town and everything else was communicated with our vendors over the phone or via email.  One weekend we picked the venue; the other we did our tasting, met with the florist, and met with the ice cream vendor, and that was pretty much it....
  • kipnuskipnus member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Both sets of parents contributed to our wedding. We got married in my parent's city mostly so that my Grandma and some other elderly guests wouldn't have to travel. It's 5 hours away from where we live. My mom was very helpful in the planning process, and we made a few trips up there before the wedding.
  • We live in PA and are getting married in NJ. Planning hasn't been too complicated yet (still in the very beginning stages). We chose NJ for a variety of reasons, but one was that a good chunk of our guests live there.

    Unless your parents are footing the bill and demand it to be in your hometown, I would have it wherever you want. Just keep in mind how many guests would be traveling and from where to assure you have accommodations in the location you choose.

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  • cmgilpin said:

    My bf and I are talking about getting engaged and where we would want to have a wedding which has raised some questions.  I was born and raised in Ohio and he was born and raised in NY but we both live together in VA.  My parents insist we must get married in OH "because the wedding is suppose to happen wherever the bride is from" or so says tradition.  BF and I disagree with this and think we should be able to get married wherever we want.  I was just curious if other think this is an old tradition as well.

    I'm pretty sure that was from back when the bride still lived with her parents, and they sent the bride home with her new husband and a goat.
    Ha!  For reals, though I think it's been true a little more recently than that.  I feel like it's about in-line time-wise with the "the bride's parents pay" "tradition".  If the parents are hosting (in the most traditional - we plan the whole event and you show up and get married - sense) of course they'd have it in their town.
  • As PP have said I think it's "traditionally" in the Bride's home town because "traditionally" the Bride's parents are paying.

     

    I've seen current town, bride's home town and even groom's hometown! It depends on who's paying, traveling and many other reasons (sickness was once a reason in my family, the MOG was diagnosed with an agressive cancer and they didn't know the condition she would be in after chemo when the wedding was and if she would be able to travel.... and for an upbeat note she has been in remission for 2 years <3)

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  • edited June 2013
    I'm from Michigan, FI is from Colorado and we live in Hawaii. I have a much smaller family than he does, so it made sense that we get married in CO. My mom was sad, but understood and most of my family/friends are excited to visit Colorado because they've never been before.

    Get married where you want to.

    ETA- we are paying for the wedding ourselves with little contribution from our families. It's nice to know we get to choose everything ourselves. If we want opinions we ask.
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    I think this 100% depends on who is footing the bill for the wedding.

    If you and your boyfriend want to get married where you want, start saving up to pay for your own wedding! Problem solved.

  • My bf and I are talking about getting engaged and where we would want to have a wedding which has raised some questions.  I was born and raised in Ohio and he was born and raised in NY but we both live together in VA.  My parents insist we must get married in OH "because the wedding is suppose to happen wherever the bride is from" or so says tradition.  BF and I disagree with this and think we should be able to get married wherever we want.  I was just curious if other think this is an old tradition as well.

    The bolded made me cringe. I'm not sure why. I think it implies that men are supposed to go out into the world on their own but women are supposed to be tied to their parents/hometown until a man comes along to take care of her. Yuck.

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  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    We are getting married where we live. My family is 3 hours away...his family is 1.5 hours away (opposite direction).
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  • we lived in the islands. DH's family from NY, mine mostly from Delaware, but parents lived in Indy. we got married in NJ because it was more conveinent for most of the guests. I didn't find planning the wedding from OOT being difficult at all. ::shrugs:: You can get married anywhere you want. Whether your parents will contribute is another story.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • We are from opposite ends of WV (me north, him south). We live in the middle now and are getting married here because we want to be married in our church. The only in-town guests are his brother, SIL, and nieces, and our neighbors. No one has complained (we are paying for everything ourselves except for some cash my mom put toward my dress). I say get married wherever you want. No matter what, someone's not going to be able to make it.
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