Are knotties the only etiquette minded people out there??

lyndsay782

wittykitty14 said:

MrsMack10612 said:

I think PPs are spot on with the sense of entitlement that seems to be running rampant in the world.

I definitely knew some things before coming to TK, but learned a lot more by being here.  I've also become a lot more judgey about people who do not follow some of the etiquette rules I've learned here.

Ditto every word of this from me

Ditto me too.  I was once a newbie with sensitive feelings.  I got mad at a few regs, and tried to venture into the Princess land of Bee's and Wires, and came running back less than 24 hours later when I realized they have no etiquette or even a sense of decency on some things. I needed to be told straight up what was right, and I'm glad I came back. 

And now I put on my judgy pants when I get an invite to a potluck reception on Facebook.  Although even back when I was a newbie that was still wrong, now I know I'm not alone in the idea... 

lovefuzzies a coworker of mine was shocked when I told her I wasn't doing the money dance, and then proceeded to tell me she not only did one at her huge wedding she had 6 years ago "for her family" but that when she does her next wedding (to the same husband) in a few years "for his family" that she will do it again. 

On a side note, I have also been told that my pretty simple ceremony and reception are "unnecessary" by some people I am loosely acquainted with, and that I should forgo any dressy/classy wedding, and have a potluck everything.  That way it will happen "faster" (for the record, our engagement will be less than nine months long, which some of them claim is "too long").

No wonder they seem to be ok with the free church wedding the facebook potluck reception lady had.   

I love most of the things I've been taught from TK....  For Example: I know that despite the fact that one of my BM's has continued her Attention Prostitute ways that I can't "ask her to step down".  I can however secretly hope she doesn't buy her dress, and eliminates herself...  

sandbagger18

I agree with the whole idea of so many brides feeling so entitles on their wedding day, but I also think this applies to the guests. Wedding guests are special because they were chosen to come to the wedding, but really everyone, lighten up. Just because you were invited doesn't mean that if you are not provided with a four course meal, cushioned seating, and gifts doesn't mean that we don't love you. As I have also been to several weddings, I feel privileged just to have been invited to spend this special day with the couple, family, and friends. I think that sometimes, we all just need to chill out! Have fun, smile, laugh, and enjoy the time together, being thankful, rather than judgmental!

AddieCake

sandbagger18 said:

I agree with the whole idea of so many brides feeling so entitles on their wedding day, but I also think this applies to the guests. Wedding guests are special because they were chosen to come to the wedding, but really everyone, lighten up. Just because you were invited doesn't mean that if you are not provided with a four course meal, cushioned seating, and gifts doesn't mean that we don't love you. As I have also been to several weddings, I feel privileged just to have been invited to spend this special day with the couple, family, and friends. I think that sometimes, we all just need to chill out! Have fun, smile, laugh, and enjoy the time together, being thankful, rather than judgmental!

Nobody is saying they need a 4-course meal or anything fancy. But we get people on here who don't want to host anything at all or want their guests to pay for things at the reception, etc. 

NYCBruin

sandbagger18 said:

I agree with the whole idea of so many brides feeling so entitles on their wedding day, but I also think this applies to the guests. Wedding guests are special because they were chosen to come to the wedding, but really everyone, lighten up. Just because you were invited doesn't mean that if you are not provided with a four course meal, cushioned seating, and gifts doesn't mean that we don't love you. As I have also been to several weddings, I feel privileged just to have been invited to spend this special day with the couple, family, and friends. I think that sometimes, we all just need to chill out! Have fun, smile, laugh, and enjoy the time together, being thankful, rather than judgmental!

I don't think anyone on this board would complain about such things.  They would complain about not having a meal during a meal-time reception/not having enough food for the number of guests invited or not having enough chairs (I don't care if it has a cushion, but you bet your butt I'm pissed off if I can't sit at all).  I'm more than happy with a hot dog and a plain metal chair to sit on at a wedding.  I'm not happy if I don't get fed at all or have to stand the whole time.

ETA: I would NEVER complain TO the host about poor hosting (nor would most ladies on this board).  That would also be rude.  But would I complain about it to internet strangers or behind closed doors to FI?  Abso-fricken-lutely.

Peledreamsofrain

NYCBruin said:

sandbagger18 said:

I agree with the whole idea of so many brides feeling so entitles on their wedding day, but I also think this applies to the guests. Wedding guests are special because they were chosen to come to the wedding, but really everyone, lighten up. Just because you were invited doesn't mean that if you are not provided with a four course meal, cushioned seating, and gifts doesn't mean that we don't love you. As I have also been to several weddings, I feel privileged just to have been invited to spend this special day with the couple, family, and friends. I think that sometimes, we all just need to chill out! Have fun, smile, laugh, and enjoy the time together, being thankful, rather than judgmental!

I don't think anyone on this board would complain about such things.  They would complain about not having a meal during a meal-time reception/not having enough food for the number of guests invited or not having enough chairs (I don't care if it has a cushion, but you bet your butt I'm pissed off if I can't sit at all).  I'm more than happy with a hot dog and a plain metal chair to sit on at a wedding.  I'm not happy if I don't get fed at all or have to stand the whole time.

ETA: I would NEVER complain TO the host about poor hosting (nor would most ladies on this board).  That would also be rude.  But would I complain about it to internet strangers or behind closed doors to FI?  Abso-fricken-lutely.

This, so much this. I have no idea how "seat and feed everyone" always gets twisted into us demanding "gilded thrones and roasted swans for all".

NYCBruin

Peledreamsofrain said:

This, so much this. I have no idea how "seat and feed everyone" always gets twisted into us demanding "gilded thrones and roasted swans for all".

I think special snowflakes have a filter that's as super special as they are.  Same reason why posts that say "cash bars are rude," get the OP coming back with "OMG not everyone can afford a top shelf open bar."  

sandbagger18

Calm down, it was an exaggeration. I want to treat my guests well, I like them after all, which is why I am inviting them. I'm not rude to my friends. 

NYCBruin

@sandbagger18 just to clarify, that last comment of mine wasn't directed at you in particular.  It was more directed at posters who ignore 95% of the good advice they get and try to justify rudeness by creating a false dichotomy.

That said, I stand by my earlier statement.  It's rude to not provide a chair for each guest to sit in or some sort of refreshment that is appropriate for the time of day.

StephJean83

I am amazed at how venue coordinators have said to FH and I that we shouldn't have an open bar, or we could really cut our food bill by only inviting family and WP to the dinner. We had one guy tell us about this "beautiful" wedding they hosted for one couple who both went to college out of state and had a ton of friends travel in for the wedding. The couple had invited their friends and family to the ceremony but only hosted the family and WP for dinner and the rest of the guests came back for the dance. The couple did have a late night snack for those at the dance in addition to the cake/desserts. I said that since majority of our guests are coming from OOS we will host them the whole day/night.

One venue we just looked at was beautiful but the old hag running it made me want to scratch them off the list. She said that hosting anything beyond just soda is ridiculous and hosting an full open bar people will take advantage and order a liquor they never drank to try it. When I asked about linens and such, she said chair covers were more of a pain and never make the room look as nice as a bride envisions. She also said having colors for a wedding g is only for WP attire and she tries to talk couples out of using anything but white or black for everything from table clothes to napkins to runners. I asked how they do plated meals since the prep area for outside caterers looked like a storage room for the restaurant attached to the venue, and she said that most guests prefer a buffet because they can pick and choose what they eat and only people who want to show off have plated meals. FH said that we would only considered them if if was followed by a very stern, "We are planning the wedding we want and you can STFU!"

crunchymamaof2

ahh yes. The speshul snowflakes. How could I forget about those. I do find it appalling that being married has become all about the big wedding, how everyone deserves  HUGE special day, especially after getting the "annoying paperwork" out of the way, and the entitlement that everyone else should pay for one's wedding. Because they should be "honored" to be invited but need to pay their way. What happened to wanting people to witness the sacred event and then celebrating afterwards with whatever party you can afford?

Weddings and babies bring out the crazies.

southernbelle0915

StephJean83 said:

I am amazed at how venue coordinators have said to FH and I that we shouldn't have an open bar, or we could really cut our food bill by only inviting family and WP to the dinner. We had one guy tell us about this "beautiful" wedding they hosted for one couple who both went to college out of state and had a ton of friends travel in for the wedding. The couple had invited their friends and family to the ceremony but only hosted the family and WP for dinner and the rest of the guests came back for the dance. The couple did have a late night snack for those at the dance in addition to the cake/desserts. I said that since majority of our guests are coming from OOS we will host them the whole day/night. One venue we just looked at was beautiful but the old hag running it made me want to scratch them off the list. She said that hosting anything beyond just soda is ridiculous and hosting an full open bar people will take advantage and order a liquor they never drank to try it. When I asked about linens and such, she said chair covers were more of a pain and never make the room look as nice as a bride envisions. She also said having colors for a wedding g is only for WP attire and she tries to talk couples out of using anything but white or black for everything from table clothes to napkins to runners. I asked how they do plated meals since the prep area for outside caterers looked like a storage room for the restaurant attached to the venue, and she said that most guests prefer a buffet because they can pick and choose what they eat and only people who want to show off have plated meals. FH said that we would only considered them if if was followed by a very stern, "We are planning the wedding we want and you can STFU!"

1) FTW? That couple is backwards. After being shunned from dinner, I would not go back to dance... I would use the time to return whatever gift I bought them and go out to dinner with FI.

2) That "old hag" sounds really lazy, unaccommodating, and stubborn. I would not book with them - it'll probably be nightmare!

16maybeless

I'm popping in here to agree and say thanks; The Knot crowd has been infinitely more helpful than the replies I got on WeddingBee. I think there is a bit of a "just do whatever you want!" mentality out there that I have trouble with. I don't see this is as my special princess day. I see this as an amazing party at which to reflect and celebrate with the people who have helped me and fiance become the couple we are, from wiping our butts through now. But there is this concept out there that being a bride gives you a free pass to act entitled, indulged, selfish, and uncaring, and I don't like it. Yes, make your wedding personal and comfortable for you, but don't be a ... well, many words that have four letters. :-)

Jen4948

lovefuzzies said:

I was floored when during my planning process and after the wedding I was informed that I was a "snob", was "trying to keep up with the rich people" and had gotten "hoity-toity" when I provided dinner over meal time, an open bar, and other items as recommended by TK regs to provide for the comfort of my guests. I was told that I should have just offered cake and punch instead of dinner, that there was no reason to provide anything other than water to drink, that there was no reason for any pictures other than family pictures, that we should have done the dollar dance because "everyone does" and that the "big production" we put on was "ridiculously large and completely unnecessary and you should have just saved all that money". I've got to say that hurt coming from family. But in the end I'm glad I listened to the regs here and hosted properly because the people that matter really appreciated it.

I'm so sorry you were treated so badly for doing things right at your wedding.  But best wishes and congratulations, both on your marriage and for doing things right.