Wedding Etiquette Forum

Awkaward Situation

Need some advice fellow brides and I will try to make a long story short.

Within my Fi's and my circle of friends we had two of them start dating a while back. The male friend in this case is my FI's best man and a good friend of mine. The female was a good friend of mine as well. Well in February (3 months before my FI and I got engaged) they broke up and it was pretty nasty. He was gracious about it, but she called me and went off with all of these nasty things about him for a couple weeks following the breakup. Every conversation we had was about him and how terrible he is and also began starting VERY nasty rumors about him. I tried to give her some space but then she went off on me on how I don't care about what she is going through. I told her that from her post of Facebook that I wanted to give her some space because she asked for it. She said I should have known that she wasn't meaning me in that post. Now she is dating someone new and seems happy. We stopped talking as much right after the break up because I did not like listening to such mean and nasty comments and rumors about my FI's now best man. She was always asking me things about him (i.e. is he happier now, etc...) I also found out that my FI is not too fond of her and would prefer her not to be at the wedding so an awkward situation does not occur. He thinks she is rude, mean and controlling. I also found out that she happens to show up where the guys are when they are hanging out. I am not sure what to do in this case. I have some BM's saying to invite her while I have others saying not to. I don't want to have something happen at the wedding, but I am also wanting and trying to mend the friendship and not inviting her would pretty much kill that.

Any advice?
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Re: Awkaward Situation

  • It sounds to me like she was a good friend who showed her true colors after the breakup (non-stop talking the breakup, saying nasty things, spreading rumors about her ex, etc.) It also sounds like your FI does not want her there and that you're impartial to the situation. So I'd say no. It seems like she'd just create drama, anyway.
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    No invite. Though with her personality, it sounds like she'd wedding crash!

  • Liatris - My FI feels pretty strongly about it. I am a people pleaser so that is why this is hard for me.

    CharlieKay - I agree with you. Her true colors really came out after the breakup.
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  • ditto Lia (so glad our love fest is back on)

    Do you really feel strongly that you want her there? or are you just afraid she'll be mad?  b/c it sounds like the latter. 

  • I don't think I would invite her. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I wouldn't invite her. She doesn't sound like a pleasant person and it seems like her true colors showed after the break-up. Not all friendships are worth saving. Also it's super creepy that she keeps showing up where he is hanging out with friends.


  • If you we're doing it to please someone that's paying for your wedding, I'd say just invite her - but if you're feeling obligated to invite her to please your friends, there are probably many more people your friends could want you to invite - if you're not friends with this girl anymore and you don't enjoy her company (and your fiancé doesn't like her either), it sounds like she should be left off the list. She could easily mistake the gesture for you wanting to be friends again.
  • I wouldn't invite her. Without knowing this person, she sounds pretty immature, dramatic and self-centered. 
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  • Thanks fellow brides! I think I will leave her off the list. I just don't want drama and I think either way there will be some but I would rather it not be on our wedding day. My FI's best man (the ex boyfriend of the mix) has said it is up to us and that he will be fine either way. I think I will honor my FI's wishes and leave her off the list!
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