Seperated by the Military

megyi09 · June 2013

So me and my husband got married back in December 2012 at the court house but we are now in the process of planning our wedding for November 2013. Well actually i'm planning the wedding by myself with no help from my husband or anyone. I'm stationed in California and my husband is stationed in Alabama and our wedding is in Texas where our family is. It is the most stressful thing to plan a wedding that is in another state and with my husband also being in another state. We are currently trying to get stationed together but the Air Force is not helping us too much. Anyways.. My husband could care less about this wedding because every time i bring it up he talks about it for like 30 seconds and then changes the subject. I mean i know he's a man and thats how men are when it comes to planning a wedding. But i NEED his help when it comes to get a tux from him and getting his groomsmen a tux also. How do i stress the importance of this to him! The wedding is about 5 months away and i have barely had anything accomplished. I still have to order invites and bridesmaid dress and so many other things. Money is a huge issue also. I've been paying for most of this wedding without the help of parents or my husband. He thinks just because he is planning/paying for the honeymoon his job is done. I can't afford this wedding on my own, i dont make that much money with my low rank in the Air Force.... I NEED HELP FROM MY HUSBAND.....

Rant over.. lol

akmiller2010 · June 2013

You are already married. Regardless of where you got married, you already had a wedding. Why are you stressing out about planning a "wedding" when you already had one No reason for stress. No need for help from your husband. Problem solved.

megyi09 · June 2013

Because it is important to me to get married in front of all the people i love. The only reason we got married at the court house was so we could get a head start with the military getting us stationed together.

VarunaTT · June 2013

It's a vow renewal, not a wedding.

But you have other issues besides planning this vow renewal it sounds like.

megyi09 · June 2013

What do you mean i have other issues?

VarunaTT · June 2013

megyi09 said:

So me and my husband got married back in December 2012 at the court house but we are now in the process of planning our wedding for November 2013. Well actually i'm planning the wedding by myself with no help from my husband or anyone. I'm stationed in California and my husband is stationed in Alabama and our wedding is in Texas where our family is. It is the most stressful thing to plan a wedding that is in another state and with my husband also being in another state. We are currently trying to get stationed together but the Air Force is not helping us too much. Anyways.. My husband could care less about this wedding because every time i bring it up he talks about it for like 30 seconds and then changes the subject. I mean i know he's a man and thats how men are when it comes to planning a wedding. But i NEED his help when it comes to get a tux from him and getting his groomsmen a tux also. How do i stress the importance of this to him! The wedding is about 5 months away and i have barely had anything accomplished. I still have to order invites and bridesmaid dress and so many other things. Money is a huge issue also. I've been paying for most of this wedding without the help of parents or my husband. He thinks just because he is planning/paying for the honeymoon his job is done. I can't afford this wedding on my own, i dont make that much money with my low rank in the Air Force.... I NEED HELP FROM MY HUSBAND.....

Rant over.. lol

JIC.

I don't think it's important to your husband to get married in front of everyone. If it was, he'd be helping.

Why are you paying for it all by yourself? That just doesn't even make sense to me, since you're now married AND unless one of you was unemployed, why would only one person be paying for everything?

I only have what you're written to go on, but right now it sounds like you're in one unequal lonely marriage.

ReturnOfKuus · June 2013

But you won't be getting married in front of everyone. You're already married.

Wzz · June 2013

i wonder what would happen if you told your husband you need help.

i was actually going to say you should go to the military brides board, if it still exists, but i don't think this is a military bride issue.

if he isn't helping, and you can't get it all done on your own, then you need to stop trying to do it all on your own. why do YOU have to get his tux? why do YOU need to dress the groomsmen? if he doesn't have time, then maybe it's not important enough to him. maybe he believes that since you're already married, none of this is worth wasting time with.

but who knows. you need to talk to him about this and figure out why you are spending money on a wedding you cannot afford, to marry someone you've already married, without any help.

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

megyi09 said:

So me and my husband got married back in December 2012 at the court house but we are now in the process of planning our wedding for November 2013. Well actually i'm planning the wedding by myself with no help from my husband or anyone. I'm stationed in California and my husband is stationed in Alabama and our wedding is in Texas where our family is. It is the most stressful thing to plan a wedding that is in another state and with my husband also being in another state. We are currently trying to get stationed together but the Air Force is not helping us too much. Anyways.. My husband could care less about this wedding because every time i bring it up he talks about it for like 30 seconds and then changes the subject. I mean i know he's a man and thats how men are when it comes to planning a wedding. But i NEED his help when it comes to get a tux from him and getting his groomsmen a tux also. How do i stress the importance of this to him! The wedding is about 5 months away and i have barely had anything accomplished. I still have to order invites and bridesmaid dress and so many other things. Money is a huge issue also. I've been paying for most of this wedding without the help of parents or my husband. He thinks just because he is planning/paying for the honeymoon his job is done. I can't afford this wedding on my own, i dont make that much money with my low rank in the Air Force.... I NEED HELP FROM MY HUSBAND.....

Rant over.. lol

1. Separated, not seperated

2. My husband and I, not me and my husband

3. Couldn't care less, not could care less

4. Getting a tux, not get a tux

5. Barely have anything, not have barely had anything

And, saving the best for last,

6. You are already married. What you are planning is a PPD, and it's frowned upon around here, ESPECIALLY by military brides. You and your HUSBAND made a choice -- you chose to get married at the courthouse. That means you're already married. You don't get a do-over, you don't get a dress-up day, you don't get to play wedding. You're married. Your wedding day was the day that you LEGALLY got married. Your husband's apathy probably stems from the fact that, to him, this isn't a big deal, since you're already married.

There are millions of gay couples who are fighting for the right to be LEGALLY married, to have their unions recognized by all states in the U.S. You have that luxury, and you're treating it like it's not good enough. Get over yourself, please.