Wedding Etiquette Forum

Quick TY Question

I was writing my shower TY notes tonight and a quick question came up:

My MOH was the sole hostess of the shower, but I know (from her volunteering the information to me while we were chatting) that my other BMs who were able to attend also helped with various aspects.  My BM "K" attended with her two adorable daughters, who are our flower girls.  She did not give a physical gift, but had a helping role in some of the games that my MOH organized and also brought a delicious desert.  Should I write her a TY for her role in the shower? I want to, because I am very grateful that she came and helped out and I was so glad to see her, but I wouldn't want it to be perceived as drawing attention to the lack of a physical gift.  It is my understanding that BMs aren't generally expected to bring gifts to showers anyway, but in my case most of them did.  Honestly, had I never gotten on TK and read about thank you note etiquette I would have written her one without hesitation, but I thought I would double check first just in case. 

TIA for your always helpful advice!

Re: Quick TY Question

  • I would def write a thank you note for her help and support. And personally I find the idea of not writing thanks yous to non-giftgivers so you don't out the lack of gift, ridiculous. You can absolutely thank someone for their presence, which is what you want to do. 
  • kipnuskipnus member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would def write a thank you note for her help and support. And personally I find the idea of not writing thanks yous to non-giftgivers so you don't out the lack of gift, ridiculous. You can absolutely thank someone for their presence, which is what you want to do. 
    For a shower, sure; thank her for her help. But a reception is the "thank you" to guests for their presence at the wedding.  
  • Definitely. I'm sure she invested some money into the party, anyway. 
  • Thanks ladies!  I'll write her the thank you note.
  • kipnus said:
    I would def write a thank you note for her help and support. And personally I find the idea of not writing thanks yous to non-giftgivers so you don't out the lack of gift, ridiculous. You can absolutely thank someone for their presence, which is what you want to do. 
    For a shower, sure; thank her for her help. But a reception is the "thank you" to guests for their presence at the wedding.  
    "The reception was such a lovely thank you from the couple." Said no wedding guest ever.

    I understand the idea in theory, but I don't believe guests actually feel this way. They are attending the reception to further be apart of the couples celebration. They aren't attending thinking "wow, what a nice thank you I'm getting!".
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