Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Is Having A Wedding Months After Eloping OK?

Ok before you judge me and my husband let me explain....

I eloped on July 21, 2012.  I married the love of my life and childhood sweet heart, and had the wedding of my dreams; just me and him.   My friends and family did not know, because they did not want us to marry.  He is a Mexican-Indian, and I am an American (there were other reasons they did not want us to wed)....Anyways now everything is ok between us and my family.  This November, both our parents will be in the same place at the same time (which might not happen again anytime soon), and it was suggested we have a vowel renewal and reception while they are here. 

I do not know how to go about this especially since we did not send announcements of our marriage to friends and family (just word of mouth).  Is it ok?  If we did it the wedding will be in Mexico (for visa purposes).  How do I send invitations....not going to lie gifts would not be a bad thing, and my father would really like the experience since I am his only little girl.  

PLEASE HELP!

Re: Is Having A Wedding Months After Eloping OK?

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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    You have a vow (not vowel) renewal, not a wedding.
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    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    Just throw an awesome anniversary party. Don't do a fake wedding just because your parents will be there.
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    Ok before you judge me and my husband let me explain....

    I eloped on July 21, 2012.  I married the love of my life and childhood sweet heart, and had the wedding of my dreams; just me and him.   My friends and family did not know, because they did not want us to marry.  He is a Mexican-Indian, and I am an American (there were other reasons they did not want us to wed)....Anyways now everything is ok between us and my family.  This November, both our parents will be in the same place at the same time (which might not happen again anytime soon), and it was suggested we have a vowel renewal and reception while they are here. 

    I do not know how to go about this especially since we did not send announcements of our marriage to friends and family (just word of mouth).  Is it ok?  If we did it the wedding will be in Mexico (for visa purposes).  How do I send invitations....not going to lie gifts would not be a bad thing, and my father would really like the experience since I am his only little girl.  

    PLEASE HELP!


    You can have a VOW renewal, but I would limit it to just you two, and your immediate family (i.e. parents, siblings only).  Having a big pretty princess day a year after you get married is not going to go over well.

    I get that you think your circumstances are special, given the rift between the family, but really, it's not that special.  People have all sorts of reasons for eloping. You chose to elope and get married.  You said you had the "wedding of your dreams".   Having a vow renewal so your dad can have his "little girl" moment and so you can get gifts is going to be seen as incredibly gift grabby and is against etiquette.

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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited June 2013
    Ok before you judge me and my husband let me explain....

    I eloped on July 21, 2012.  I married the love of my life and childhood sweet heart, and had the wedding of my dreams; just me and him.   My friends and family did not know, because they did not want us to marry.  He is a Mexican-Indian, and I am an American (there were other reasons they did not want us to wed)....Anyways now everything is ok between us and my family.  This November, both our parents will be in the same place at the same time (which might not happen again anytime soon), and it was suggested we have a vowel renewal and reception while they are here. 

    I do not know how to go about this especially since we did not send announcements of our marriage to friends and family (just word of mouth).  Is it ok?  If we did it the wedding will be in Mexico (for visa purposes).  How do I send invitations....not going to lie gifts would not be a bad thing, and my father would really like the experience since I am his only little girl.  

    PLEASE HELP!

    Sure, you can have a vow renewal.

     

    Esposa and Husband Lastname

    request the pleasure of your company

    at their vow renewal ceremony

    Friday, the fifteenth of November

    two thousand and thirteen

    four o'clock

    XYZ Hotel

    Anytown, USA

    Reception to follow

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    vow renewal is fine - but don't reinact the ceremony like you're getting married for the first time. Just host a party since you all will be in the same place at the same time. No need for a ceremony - everyone knows you're married.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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    Just curious: if you're married, what's the visa issue that is causing you to party in Mexico?
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    Just have a party with both sides of the family there.  No need to play-act a wedding scene - your wedding was over a year ago and it was at a very angry time for both sides.  Don't remind them of this angry past.  Just have a party and look ahead to the future.
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    You can have a celebration, but not a "wedding."  So skip the "wedding" elements, like a bridal gown, attendants, gift registry, etc. and don't pretend you weren't previously married before then, but otherwise have a blast.
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    I'm confused about the visa part?

    Having a vow renewal is fine, but you need to skip the big poufy dress and bridal party, etc. Renew your vows in a simple ceremony and then have a great party. No first dances, cake cutting, etc. Your father had his chance to be in your wedding, he chose not to and you guys eloped due to said rift. There are no "do-overs" when it comes to weddings.

    I'm happy to hear that things are settled with your families now though, must take a lot of weight off!

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    I would just throw a party. Have some delicious food, cake, a DJ or band if you want, wear a nice dress (but not a big white wedding dress) and have fun with your families and friends. Do not do a fake second wedding.

    I would also personally heavily side-eye a vow renewal only one year after your wedding. I would probably just do a party and call it a day. OR if you were set on having your parents witness your vows, do a vow renewal with only immediate family.


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    Vacation
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    As someone who had a rushed wedding, I would also advise against having a do-over. It's not just that it's against etiquette; it's that nothing will really be as special as that first event. Walking into the room as single people for the last time, saying your vows for the first time, that first kiss as a married couple - these are warm, fuzzy feelings that you wouldn't get from a do-over.

    Have an engagement party or a vow renewal, and ensure that your guests know you're already married in the invite. I know it's not customary, but you can have some friends and family stand up for you like a wedding party would. It will be a similar experience to a wedding, and your family can take part in your joy at being a happily married couple.

    As for the visa thing, we had a complex visa situation because I married a British citizen. I don't think you would have to get married again in Mexico after eloping. If you were legally married, it should be valid everywhere. However, I may be misunderstanding the situation.
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    I'm with Lia. Skip the fake ceremony and have a awesome party with free food and booze. 
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    I was married before, and my big "wedding" was a do-over, sort of. I had attendants and pre-parties and stuff, but I also wore a black and white dress I found on eBay, had my friends do readings from the Little Prince instead of having someone pretend to officiate, and worded the invitations as "celebrate the marriage of x and y" instead of using the word wedding. I was probably dangerously close to the line between PPD and acceptable party.

    I have seen it done where people have their "reception" up to a year after the actual marriage has been solemnized, so you might want to just do that. State on the invitation that you got married on such and such a day, and you want to throw a reception for your friends to celebrate with you. You can wear a ball gown (in any color) and have a big cake if you want. You can give a toast where the two of you read your vows aloud to your friends, so they can share in your promises to each other. You can step on a glass or jump over a broom if you want. Just don't have a fake wedding.
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
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    I would just do a party nice food, dj/band, no big white dress.  I wouldn't call it a wedding, you already married.  I vow renewal would be fine.  

    Anniversary

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    @schatzi13 I think she may have been referring to Visas for the Mexican side of the family to attend a wedding in the US...
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


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