How to not include registry info - help!

BlondieBia21

(I have this also posted in the registry/gift section, I'm not sure where it goes best but I need guidance! ) 

After researching through these posts, I've learned something I've never known. I did not know that you weren't supposed to include registry information! I can only count one invitation that we did not receive registry info included with the invite. (And everyone thought SHE was doing it wrong, when in reality the way she phrased her reasoning for not wanting the registry was the worst part, foot in mouth moment and a whole different story!) So I must ask as I am learning all of this, how do I properly explain to my MIL who WANTS the registry information with the invitations that it is not something you're supposed to do? I tried to explain it as I didn't want to seem gift grabby (I even through in there that we had just had a baby shower 5 months before our wedding, too. We don't need to advertise that OOOH here we are looking for more gifts!) She is "appalled" that we wouldn't attach the registry information and saying it is a huge inconvenience for people. She is paying for majority of everything (not my choice!!) and is practically demanding that we include the registry info. I explained that we can include it on our wedding website and she says that that is still making people go out of their way when they are just wanting to be generous and that some guests don't even know how to access the internet. (Like, 2 people.) Help!!

zizibet

           Point her to Miss Manners or Emily Post. Both have written about this and talked about why.it's rude. Those are outside authorities that she is more likely to accept.

Kate61487

If you do have a shower (if someone offers to throw one) you can include registry info there. Perhaps a "they will already have it from the shower invitation" will placate fmil?

mlg78

You can pretty much point her to any etiquette website. This is a pretty widely known thing...  Now if retail stores would stop giving out those little cards to enclose in invitations...

wittykitty14

There are plenty of ways to spread registry information:

1.) On the shower invites

2.) On your website

3.) Word of mouth

Believe me, that is plenty.  If people want to get you a gift off your registry, they will ask.  Stand your ground with FMIL.  Generally people who pay get the say, but in cases of poor etiquette, good etiquette trumps that.  Good luck!

Jen4948

If I were you, I'd go ahead and send the invitations without the registries, and THEN explain it to your FMIL: "FMIL, it is not polite to put registry information in invitations.  Anyone who wants to know it can ask me, but it comes off as grabby to give it when they haven't asked, and being invited does not equal asking or wanting to know it.  The subject is now closed."

southernbelle0915

FI's parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner. They all but demanded that we put "business casual/semi-formal" on the invitations. (Vomit in mouth for so many reasons.) We told her we would handle invitations - and did not include that info..whoops!! FMIL asked why it wasn't on there and we sent her etiquette links about not including attire and we said "we found out this wasnt ok just before we printed and didn't want your name to be associated with bad etiquette." White lies saved face for her.

Let her know you will put "additional wedding information at www.blondie&FI.com" on the invitations and that she can spread the info by WOM if she wants to.

wittykitty14

southernbelle0915 said:

FI's parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner. They all but demanded that we put "business casual/semi-formal" on the invitations. (Vomit in mouth for so many reasons.) We told her we would handle invitations - and did not include that info..whoops!! FMIL asked why it wasn't on there and we sent her etiquette links about not including attire and we said "we found out this wasnt ok just before we printed and didn't want your name to be associated with bad etiquette." White lies saved face for her. Let her know you will put "additional wedding information at www.blondie&FI.com" on the invitations and that she can spread the info by WOM if she wants to.

I love this.  This can be a pretty effective way of handling these situations.  People generally won't want to do something if they think it will make them look bad.