Wedding Reception Forum

Dad wants separate receptions! HELP

Okay my fiancé and I come from a small town and my dad can't stand his mom. Plus she's had some trouble with the law and my dad thinks our family won't come to a reception where she is present. My dad almost wasn't going to come to the wedding. He pushed for a destination wedding, so we are getting married in FL. with only 20-30 people. I want a reception back home (in Ky) to do the traditional garter toss, bouquet toss, and first dance. My dad wants us to have separate receptions and almost treat them like welcome to the family parties. I do think some of my family would come to a reception with his family. I've already given up so much of my dream wedding for something that has nothing to do with me or my fiancé that I still want a bug reception. His family has no idea that there are any issues and is very welcoming. Can I treat his family's reception like my actual reception with photobooth and all and let my dad throw us a welcome party? If so can I invite my side to both? I do think most of my cousins would come and have a great time. I'm soo upset at the thought of loosing the reception I've always dreamed of.

Re: Dad wants separate receptions! HELP

  • So many questions...

    Did you already book the Florida wedding? Your dad is being very insensitive. What did his mom do that was so bad that he can't just be in the same room? 

    How would you prevent her from coming to Florida? Would you actually have a reception where she's not invited or are you counting on her not coming due to distance or cost?

    Honestly, I would have the reception you want. I would invite who I want. If people don't show up, that's on them. I don't know your dad, but once you book the wedding you want, I feel like any reasonable person would realize he has no choice but attend. If he doesn't, he has to miss out. Why should you miss out on the event you want due to a family feud that obviously isn't big enough for his family to even realize exists? 
  • Wait, your dad can't stand his own mother or your FI's mother? I'm confused.

    Either way, you tell your father that he's a grown-ass man and he can either accept your decision vis a vis the wedding and reception YOU WANT, or he can not come and risk irreparably damaging your relationship.

    Ditto PPs. You can't have the reception -- which is to thank guests for attending your wedding -- after your DW. You can have welcome home parties, but no bouquet/garter toss, first dance, etc.

    Depending on how far you are into the planning, this may be too late to change anything.

    BTW, where is your FI in all of this? What does he say/think/want?

    Also, if your dad is paying and is using that to control your decisions, cut the strings, say no to the money, and plan the wedding you and your FI can afford.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • We aren't having a reception at the destination wedding, just a sit down dinner. To me that is not a reception. Plus he's inviting mostly friends to the wedding and I'm inviting more family so the two groups wouldn't really incite a great party, that's why we decided to have the reception back home. My cousin did it when she got married in the Bahamas and wore her dress and everything. My fiancé's mom is coming to the wedding and my dad said he will deal with her there but not at a reception and says that his family will look down on her and not stay long or even come to the reception.
  • PPs are right...the dinner you will be having after your ceremony is your reception. If you dont like it, you need to change your plans. You dont get to dress up in your wedding dress again & have a fake reception. You can def have a party after your DW, but no wedding dress, no garter toss, first dance...you get the picture.

    Honestly, you need to tell your dad to back off & you need to plan the wedding you really want. This way, you can have the reception you really want. Your dad needs to get a grip. There are tons of us in the same situation, but we dont get to have a DW & then a fake reception. We plan the wedding we want to have. You should do the same.
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  • We aren't having a reception at the destination wedding, just a sit down dinner. To me that is not a reception. Plus he's inviting mostly friends to the wedding and I'm inviting more family so the two groups wouldn't really incite a great party, that's why we decided to have the reception back home. My cousin did it when she got married in the Bahamas and wore her dress and everything. My fiancé's mom is coming to the wedding and my dad said he will deal with her there but not at a reception and says that his family will look down on her and not stay long or even come to the reception.

    yes, you are confused. A "reception" is where you "receive" the guests who attended your wedding. 

    You can certainly have a celebration at home after the wedding. But, don't have two, and don't have all of the "firsts".  I do know some brides wear their dress again for a short time at the party because some extended relatives want to see the dress, but usually, they change into something after the first 30 minutes or so.

    If your cousin had a wedding reception, dress, first dances, etc., after her wedding in the Bahamas, she did it wrong, and what she did wasn't really in line with proper etiquette. 

    I still vote for telling your dad where to stick it. He is being childish and ridiculous.  If he can deal with her at a Florida destination wedding, where he will be in close quarters with her and only 15-20 other people, he can deal with her at a larger wedding/reception, where there will be plenty of other guests to distract him.

    Sierra524NYCMercedes
  • Is this woman going to physically assault these people at the reception? If not, they all need to get over themselves, grow up, and behave like civilized adults for a couple hours out of their lives. Honestly, if they are not willing to do that, I wouldn't want them there anyway. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • keochan said:
    Tell your father to suck it up and act like an adult. And just because you know someone who did it doesn't mean its ok. Your wedding reception is right after the ceremony, don't play dress up as a bride after your wedding day
    Cosigned Jen4948.
  • edited June 2013
    We aren't having a reception at the destination wedding, just a sit down dinner. To me that is not a reception. Plus he's inviting mostly friends to the wedding and I'm inviting more family so the two groups wouldn't really incite a great party, that's why we decided to have the reception back home. My cousin did it when she got married in the Bahamas and wore her dress and everything. My fiancé's mom is coming to the wedding and my dad said he will deal with her there but not at a reception and says that his family will look down on her and not stay long or even come to the reception.

    You seriously need to fill us in on the details.  I love a good story and the way that one woman somehow riled the anger of your entire family to the point that they'll snub you by not attending your reception--a reception in which there is a slim to NONE chance that they'll have to directly interact with the woman--must be a good story. 
  • im thinking your dad needs to get himself in check here. seems like hes probably creating a TON of stress and drama for you and your FI over something that he can suck up for a day. on his daughters wedding day for crying out loud. if it were me i'd tell him that i woul dhave everyone invited and if he can't be a man for a few hours and keep himself in check then he can stay home and uless your family is a bunch of jerks who will look down on your FMIL then he's the only one with the issues.

     

    how are you even entertaining this idea?

     

  • If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to stand up to your dad.  Letting him dictate your wedding is a sign that you are not a grown adult.

    Stand up to daddy, decline any funds he may be offering, and throw the wedding and reception you want.  If your dad doesn't come, that's his decision to live with.  
  • I dont see anything wrong with having the reception back home afer your destination wedding.  Im getting married in Florida next year and having the reception back here.  nothing wrong with it, its what I wanted to do!

    As far as your dad goes, my parents and Fiances mom do not get along at all, my mom had made a comment in the very beginning, I told her this is my wedding, its about me not you, it's my day, you can suck it up for the short time.  After that she has not said anything else.  Your dad should do the same, it's all about you and he is making it about him.  put your foot down and let him know it hurts your feelings for him to act like that!

  • everyone has their own opinions... thanks for yours!! It is my wedding and I choose to have it like that! nothing wrong with it, I know several people that have done so. 
  • everyone has their own opinions... thanks for yours!! It is my wedding and I choose to have it like that! nothing wrong with it, I know several people that have done so. 
    Yes, there is something wrong with it.  It is incredibly rude to not receive your guests properly and thank them for attending.  Sure, it's your wedding, but why does that mean being rude to people who are supposed to be your friends and family?  You know, people that you are supposed to love?
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  • BUT IT'S MY DAY!!!!
    misslobitaNYCMercedes
  • Like others have said put him in his place. If he's paying for it you may need to cut the strings, if you and your FI are paying then do what you want. It is about you and your FI...period. \

    OAN: My dad likes to make a lot of rules and stipulations too. My FI and I knew this going in so have been planning financially for our pockets to pay. We are making sure this day is about us and the people who mean the most are surrounding us regardless. If someone doesnt want to come or wants to make a huge thing because of ONE person thats on them.

     

    Good luck

    shorty91803NYCMercedes
  • CMGr said:
    everyone has their own opinions... thanks for yours!! It is my wedding and I choose to have it like that! nothing wrong with it, I know several people that have done so. 
    Just because you know other people that have done something, doesn't mean that it isn't rude.  I know people who have had cash bars at wedding receptions - ugh!  Also, potluck wedding receptions are completely unacceptable, but there are people who do it anyway.
    Just because you are the bride does not give you permission to ignore etiquette.  You must host a reception on your wedding day if you have guests.  The reception is not for you - it is for your guests.

    I'm just here to say how absolutely adorable that baby is.  I squee a little every time you post. @Cmgr
    KDM323
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    edited June 2013
    everyone has their own opinions... thanks for yours!! It is my wedding and I choose to have it like that! nothing wrong with it, I know several people that have done so. 

    How old are you anyway? How many weddings are you having?
  • Honestly.. he needs to grow up! I mean really? The reception is supposed to be for your families to mingle and get to know each other. If he has an issue with it, then your father can pout in a corner after the first dance. I mean come on! Aren't you and your fiancé supposed to be planning the wedding/reception? Who's wedding is this anyway? Your father's?
  • nothing wrong with it, its what I wanted to do!

    I lol'd at this part.  I love this logic.  "I'm doing it... so it must be okay!  I never do anything wrong!"


    @ OP

    This whole thing sounds like a mess.  Trust me, you don't want to look back at your wedding and have regrets because you were too afraid to stand up to your dad or refuse his money (I'm still not sure if you said he's paying... but if he's not, I have no idea why you would change your plans so much for him).  You'll be 10X happier having the wedding YOU want, with one reception for everyone, on the DAY you get married.  Even if it means it has to be cheaper, or even if you have to delay it, you'll be so grateful that you did what you (and your FI!) wanted.

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